Moxie Living: Courage and Confidence

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Word of the Year or Action of the Year? (& Why I’m Voting for Action)

January 11 Dawn

Do you have word of the year?

One word to act like a touchstone. You can have a quick check-in with yourself to make sure you’re be-ing what you agreed with yourself.

I’m proposing we take this word of the year thing up a notch and into Action of the Year.

Here’s why,

You’ve probably heard these:

Actions speak louder than words.
People may doubt what you say, but they will believe what you do.
Show me. Don’t tell me.
A persons actions will tell you everything you need to know.

Well used quotes but when I hear them, I think about my relationships with others and not the relationship I have with my own Self. You?

I’ve been thinking about this words and actions thing all morning partly because I’m sitting here slightly pissed off and trying to work out why what’s happening is bothering so much.

Briefly…someone gave me their word that they would do ‘X’, and I’m in the moment of observing their actions as they do ‘Y and Z’.

Did they speak them to please me? Did they share those words specifically so as not to upset anyone? Did they choose their words because it felt the right thing to say at the time? Did they make sounds that people wanted to hear as their way of getting others to like and trust them?

Now, maybe they have genuinely forgotten what their words were, that can happen, I do know that.

But I have remembered their words (promise, intention, spoken agreement), and what do you know…trust, respect and credibility is slowly going out the window.

Can you think of moments in your life where you have heard words being spoken, promises being made, but the actions didn’t match?

How did you feel at the time of they said one thing, did another?

And,

The big question,

Do you feel the same when you go back on on your own words you promised yourself?

Big learning today.

I don’t.

I do say things to me about how it’s going to go, make promises with myself, state intentions, speak words and then (my actions show) I do the exact opposite (some of the time).

I most certainly don’t tolerate the say one thing, do another when it’s coming from any external relationship. But when I’m doing it on me, well, what do you know, I seem to accept it (that’s the learning!) it’s okay at times.

Gosh, if I was in any sort of relationship with me I’d surely be annoyed at how many times I let my own self down…wait…I am in a relationship with me! I’m tolerating crap and making broken promises that I’ve made to myself. Eh? Well, that is no longer good enough for me. Aside: if you do it to you, you decide if it’s tolerable or not, I can only ever speak for myself.

So, I’m booting word of the year and doing action of the year instead, want to join me?

This is the rule,

Action your words, if you don’t intend to keep the promises you make with yourself, don’t speak them.

That’s it?

Yup, pretty much.

Word of the year, great.

Action of the year, next level.

In my morning realisation I came up with some questions, and you can download them here

What promises are you making yourself and not keeping?
What could happen if you followed through on the promises you made to yourself?
What will happen if you keep breaking them?
What would you no longer tolerate for you if never crossed the line in the sand of let-down for yourself?
What could it feel like if you always showed up for yourself first? (What would go, what would stay?)
Where (if anywhere) can you build respect and credibility for your Self?
What may happen if you stopped taking your own Self for granted?
What will it take for you to decide your own needs are a priority?
Where are you saying words and not believing them?
What if you called yourself on your own BS reasons and excuses?
What may happen if you never again called yourself off being you at the last minute?
What would like be like if you no longer gossiped about yourself or told yourself lies about who you think you are?
Where are you words speaking louder than your actions?
How can you switch to actions speaking louder than words? What goes? What stays? What do you need?

I’m looking at those quotes and going to make them about me…

My actions speak louder than my words.
People may doubt my words, but believe what I do.
Show. Don’t tell.
My actions are telling everyone what they need to know about me

Right. My word of the year was ‘trust’, and it will remain for the action.

Are you playing?

What action of the year would you choose for you, that will be displayed in everything you do?

And lastly, The Moxie Project starts on the 20th of January if you would like to come. It’s a 28-day course all about building and reclaiming your courage and confidence. I sure as hell don’t promise you that you’re life will be all neat and dandy in that time or that you will never feel fear again, but I am promising you lots of support to finally be well on the way to ditching the BS lies you are telling yourself about you. You can read more here.

Quit Worrying What Everyone Else is Up To. Stay On Your Own Ground.

January 11 Dawn

Have you heard of a man called Cliff Young?

No? Gather round.

Once upon a time there was a man called Cliff Young.

He was born in 1922 in Australia. He grew up on his parents sheep farm and the best way to herd the sheep, according to Cliff, was to…um..run after them by foot.

He gave up sheep (the farming of them that is) in his adult years and became a potato farmer instead. But him being a potato farmer really has nothing to do with this part of his story.

Where was I?

Oh yes.

Fast forward to 1983, while the rest of the world was shimmying along to Billy Jean or stomping it to Beat It by Micheal Jackson, Cliff, now 61 years of age, entered himself into a marathon. Not the usual 26 miles, easy-peasy-squeezy marathon. No, he decided on the (now defunct) Westfield Sydney to Melbourne Ultra-marathon, a mere 544 miles (875 kilometers).

He trailed at first.

Lagged behind the main runners.

But here’s where it becomes a story of awesome…

Instead of sleeping during the first and second night of the race, like every other runner did, he kept on running.

Not stopping.

He won the race by a 10 hour lead.

It doesn’t end there.

He completed the race in 5 days, 15 hours and four minutes. Knocking 2 days of the fastest record held.

Why?

Well. The first time I heard this story that answer was ‘he didn’t know he had to sleep’. Further digging I read that he said, ‘As a young sheep farmer it wasn’t unusual for me to run for 2/3 days at time straight.’

He didn’t do what everyone else was doing.

Whether he did or didn’t know about the sleeping arrangements is irrelevant really.

He just didn’t follow the crowd.

Go with the herd.

Do what was expected.

He ran in his own unique way.

Not for one second do I believe life is a race. Meh. But I do think it’s about stepping out and away (if needed, required, wanted) from the herd in order to just get on, hit your own darned ground, and get busy on running with your own thing.

No looking over the shoulder.

No comparing.

No wondering what the hell everyone else is up to.

Get it?

Excellent.

Task: For today. Just today. Only one little day. Or a day soon when Cliff Young pops into your head. No looking over your shoulder. No glancing at what others are up to. No comparing. No ‘wanna be like’. Today, stay on your own ground.

It’s Okay to Have a Change of Heart

December 16 Dawn

If something can change, it was never permanent to start with.

You can disagree now with what you defended then. You can make other decisions now, that weren’t in the plans then. You can do whatever you like now, even if hadn’t crossed your mind and heart back then.

Values, beliefs, plans, ideas all made with the very best intentions can change in a heart beat.

You may have started down a path back then, convinced you were heading the right direction, only to discover that it’s not really what you want now.

That’s okay.

You are allowed to have a change of heart.

The plans you spent years on may not fire you up and inspire you anymore. What you poured your heart into once, you may want it back now for something else.

See, you planned back then with the all the information you had about you at that time. Not for the person you are today. She wasn’t even around when you began.

Everything changes.

People change.

So will you.

Want to start over? Begin.

Want to rip it up. Tear it.

Want to remove it? Press delete.

Want to try something complete different? Today is a very good day to begin.

There is nobody policing you to say that you…you…the one who did indeed pour their sweat, tears, time, resources into one thing can do a 180 and start something else.

You don’t have to explain your choices to anyone.
You don’t have to make others understand your decisions.
You don’t need to regret or feel guilty for changing your beliefs.
You don’t need to see an idea to the end because you had the idea in the first place.
You can change your mind freely.

You are going to change, this is certain.

Do you remain attached to beliefs, values, plans or ideas (that were never permanent to begin with) or set free those that fit who you are today?

Even though it may be hard to release what no longer serves you, even though it may feel like you are giving up parts of yourself as you let go of the attachment and perception of who you thought you were, what do you choose? In the giving up, what do you gain instead?

Meet yourself where you are at today. Serve the world from the person you are at this moment, not from the you that you once were.

And remember, she will change too. If you want to get attached to anything, become attached to change.

Go on. Let it go. Rip it up. Decide otherwise. Choose again if you want to. It’s okay.

Unfolding (A Little Gift)

December 16 Dawn

“We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year’s Day.” ― Edith Lovejoy Pierce

Cor blimey. Edith nailed it.

Okay, I hate resolutions. But I do love a new diary.

Yup. Pages are blank. Lovely to fill up.

I actually have three diaries because by the time I reach March I’ve used the pages from July – Dec as scrap paper, which totally screws the whole thing up.

Anyway.

I’ve made you a little something, it’s called Unfolding 2014 (nice, huh, unfold, ahhhhh).

It’s not a goal setting workbook, nor is it a planning tool.

How do you fancy foregoing resolutions, and instead consider your inspirations, aspirations and intentions for ~~2014~~ ~~2015~~ ~~2016~~ 2017? How about a little space to reflect, collate, acknowledge and say goodbye to ~~2013~~ ~~2014~~ ~~2015~~ 2016, deal with any unfinished business and consider all the promise of the New Year just around the corner?

Even though I believe every day of the year offers the opportunity to reflect, grow and begin the journey of any change, there is something pretty magical about the last weeks of the old year and the start of New Year.

I think it’s the fairy lights. Or it could be the amount of Ikea candles? Not sure.

Anyway,

This little download is really a little opportunity for you to swing merrily into ~~2014~~ ~~2015~~ ~~2016~~ 2017?

Lots of love,

Dawn

Unfolding is part of Unlock Your Courage Toolkit, click here to download/read more.

That Feeling Lost + Wondering If You’ll Ever Find You Again Thing & A Wee Workbook

October 26 Dawn

You’ve got a name, location and the roles you play but then everything else is on a trip without you.

Feeling lost can make us feel like ships lost at sea with no navigation tools to get us safely back to shore.

What’s the cause of feeling lost? Oh, I don’t know, who knows! It could be one of a million of reasons, unique to you.

It’s a real common phrase though at Living Moxie, ‘I just feel so lost’, that one and, ‘I don’t know who the hell I am anymore’, usually followed by, ‘I want to find me again’. It’s not something you can ignore, huh? After a while, it has to be addressed, faced down and looked at honestly.

Look, you and I aren’t in a room together. There is no way I am even going to say I have the answer to finding yourself but I can ask you some of questions I ask other people. How’s that? And hey, I’ve been there. There’s our common ground.

Let’s see, feeling lost can come from…the roles we accept in life, there’s grief, loss, bereavement (including job loss, not reaching a goal, letting go of a plan you desired where you wrapped up your identity) they may be the cause.

Sudden unexpected and unwelcome change may have you surfing along. The waking up to find that you have been: adrift, on autopilot, doing too much, or unable to locate a purpose and a meaning can be the factors. I repeat, who knows?

The good news is this: there is only so far we can drift until we are going to hit land. And maybe the truthful news is, nobody is actually lost. Empty maybe? Unfulfilled perhaps? See, I don’t know. I don’t know you.

But drifting for years doesn’t have to occur, not when there are shortcuts.

And hitting any old land, even surface belong to others because you didn’t steer your own course really isn’t the wisest option (she says from experience).

Yes, it could be the easiest (for now), saves any hard work but you may find you don’t like it there and are back at sea before you know it.

You can do this, you can stop feeling lost, the first step is owning the desire to make the decision you are no longer willing to drift.

Pull your panties up. Here we go…

#1: Don’t give the ‘feeling lost’ (or similar phrases you use) any more power than you already have.

Because after a while you may not be able to see any way out. But it’s what you feel? I’m not asking you to ignore or deny a feeling, or pretend it doesn’t exist, that’s futile, acknowledge the feeling and then claim it as your own.

Why? Well…what’s one of the most effective ways to learn? By repetition. Repeating the same phrase over and over is only going to take you further out to sea. We have to at least anchor.

Try this:

When you say/think, ‘I’m feeling lost’ (or similar), follow up the thought immediately with a way-out question. So it could become, ‘I’m feeling lost…right now…but of this I know I am certain…’ and then insert something you ARE sure about. It doesn’t matter how small it is.

Crikey, it can even be as simple as your favourite colour, food, TV program…it doesn’t matter what it is, as long as you aren’t leaving the ‘lost’ open.

Or try the 5% question:

You say ‘I’m feeling lost’, follow it up immediately with, ‘if I was 5% less lost, what would I be thinking?’

All you are doing is not stopping at lost; you’re giving yourself a way out of the repeated behaviour, interrupting it if you like, allowing yourself another option. Leaving it at ‘feeling lost’ can actually feel quite helpless.

#2: Get specific: lost, adrift, not me…what do you mean specifically?

Define it.

Get a piece of paper and write down the phrase you use most often (and then move on to the others).

Take back control by knowing exactly what you mean. Define lost for you, not what you’ve heard others say.

Is it a loss of the self you know. The self you trust and can rely on. The self that is secure, loved, and reliable. Drill down what you specifically mean.

#3: Build a new foundation

Sometimes experiences teach and train us not to think for ourselves.

Have you ever said you liked something to please another?
Have you ever gone along with a plan because you wanted to be liked?
Have you ever agreed with the values and beliefs of someone else because it was easier than rocking the boat?

This can happen in our special relationships, we can give up our sense of self in order to ‘have a relationship’, putting more value on being with someone instead of entering it complete, whole and secure, ‘I’ll just go along with them, because I don’t want to lose them, be alone, feel unloved [insert reason]’.

And that can extend to all relationships: the relationship you have with your work, career, children, roles you play. You may have thought it was a requirement to give up ‘you’ (or parts of you) in order to have something else. What happens? You feel as parts of you are missing. You may forget where you end, and others begin.

Okay, stronger foundations.

It’s really simple, and it’s back to basics: get a pen and paper and write down 200 things you love.

The list doesn’t have to be elaborate and be a deep dig of the soul. Simple. Coffee brand? Favourite music? Colours? People? Words? Phrases. But for everything you write ask yourself, ‘Is this mine, or someone else’s for me?’ It has to be your own.

Next, write down your ‘Don’t Like’ list. 200 things. Yes, even those things you have pretended to like.

Start small. Know your own likes and dislikes.

Why so many? Because you’ll need them to…

#4: Stand in your own shoes: Moxie is bravery.

And it takes bravery to stand head up and say when it’s required, ‘No, I don’t want to do this (or be this, or act this way, or conform to the masses), this is not me’.

See, feeling lost, adrift, not you, no idea who you are is…separation.

Have you ever lost your keys, phone or wallet/purse? Just at the moment you need to leave the house. Do you at first have a gentle look around the places you have left them before?

Then, when they aren’t in those bizarre places like the fridge, do you start to panic a little?

You question whether you actually had them when you last entered your house, worry that you’ve actually lost them completely, do you say, ‘They must be here somewhere!’ and in the space of five minutes you’ve went from a sane human being from ‘knowing they are here somewhere’ to an insane one screaming, shouting, getting anxious and upset in case they are gone forever.

Feeling lost is perfectly OKAY. It’s merely a temporary separation. The BEST thing you can do is not to get insanity lost keys about it. And find out what YOU are separated from.

There are plenty of signposts, tools, tips, techniques to be reunited with your real self. It seems we humans are bloody good at ‘not remembering’, so folks have been writing about it for years.

I know it can feel scary. However the journey forward can be the one that allows you a much deeper understanding of who you really are, not who others have expected you to be.

#5: Using feeling lost is an opportunity to grow.

The opportunity is:

You get to explore.
Your get to decide.
You get to discover and dig.
You get to choose.
You get to grow.
You get to claim.

And, yes, it may take a little time. You’ve got the time.

I would suggest though that the first decision you make is to choose you are ready, willing and available to discover who you are.

#6 Write It Out

Journal.

Before you decide it’s not for you because you, ‘I wouldn’t have a clue what to write’, ‘It’s for writers’, ‘I don’t want to gaze at my navel, writing is a great way to ask yourself better questions and have ‘head chats’ with your own editor and critic, who are pretty much around when you are telling yourself how much you’re lost anyway.

It also doesn’t include anyone else but you.

You, the paper and the pen.

From thought to type.

Nobody in between telling you that you can’t think write, or say THAT, you can take yourself anywhere you like, because it’s for you, no-one else.

To help…

I’ve made you a list of questions/prompts to download (no sign up needed just now) I’ve simple called it ‘Here’s 100+ Questions to Ponder Over When You’re Feeling a Little Lost Workybook.’

You can download it here, or click the image on the left. Psst! You’ll need Adobe Reader to view.

And finally…

Feeling lost. It’s a common human complaint. A separation of self. We’ve dropped the thread that guides us. For whatever reason. It’s our job and responsibility (if we want to) to take back control and find our way back home, no delegation.

Learn to decide. Learn to choose. Learn to say no. Learn to question. Learn to not give power away to words that others have been defining for you, define your own.

Don’t drift into someone else’s path just because it’s available and they are signalling you to come over. You may find you are adrift again…soon.

Stay close to your own loves and likes. Don’t compromise if you don’t want to. Declare. Bring people into your life that don’t ask you to ‘be this way or that’ in order for them to love or like you.

Stay by your own pilot. If it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Find out what and why you drifted. Get specific. What are you separated from? Know that, then you have a point on the horizon to navigate back to.

Can I ask you, have you ever felt lost? What did you do specifically to begin the remembering and journey forward to meet yourself?

There is No Challenge In a Day You Cannot Walk Through…

October 15 Dawn

There will never be two days the same for you. Ever. That alone may bring a sigh of relief or one of frustration.

Some days will be so easy as they present unexpected wonderful surprises. Other days will present unexpected challenges that you are required to overcome before you move forward and get done. Some days you will be in the flow, swimming with the current: on these days you will experience joy, bliss, flow, momentum and other days you feel like you are dragging yourself along the dirty silt at the bottom.

Some tasks will be easy. Some tasks you will fly through because you know exactly what it is you have to do, and how to do it.

But you will have other days…

Some will be a challenge. Some tasks will stump and confuse you. Some tasks you will avoid because you don’t find them pleasant. Some days you will see what needs doing as an insurmountably hurdle, sure you’ll be able to put it off, but only for a while, before that also needs done.

There is no good day. There is no bad day. They are just days. Easy. Hard. Challenging. A breeze. Simple. Complex.

You can’t control what happens in a day, but you ALWAYS are in control of how you feel as the day walks to meet and pass you: hour by hour, moment by moment, instant by instant.

“The best way out is always through.” wrote Robert Frost. Take each day as it arrives. One day you may choose to start with what challenges you, perhaps not today, but one day soon. Avoiding is 100x harder to sit with than going walking right through. You only need to remind yourself of a time in your past when you thought, ‘What was I worried about? Why didn’t I do that sooner?’

Nothing will ever be presented to you that you cannot handle. Sometimes the challenge is not the challenge itself, but the challenge is how you take it in your hands. How you take it down. How you start to unpick it piece by piece. How you decide and take action into moving it into the ‘done’ pile.

Have a day. The one you want.