Why The Fear of Change is Like Wearing New Pants

Sometimes, when my underwear matches my outfit, it makes me feel like I really have my life together. By Somebody.

 

I think one of the ‘worst’ mindsets is indecision.

The personal thought battle of, “Will I? Won’t I? I can. I can’t. Maybe. I can’t. No. Maybe. Oh I don’t know. I can’t. Yes. No.” 

It stinks.

I don’t know anyone who hasn’t ever been in the ring at that internal fight.

That fight is bloody enough, more gruesome is the fight of making the decision to change, starting, then when it gets it a teeny-weeny-little-bit-eeky uncomfortable stopping and retreating backwards.

Example 1: you’re terrified to market your business and put yourself out there. You pimp a coach. You go through the coach-y process. You decide what you need to do and then do nothing, the thought of it alone is too uncomfortable.

Example 2: you decide that you need to fill some learning gaps. You book a course. You go on the course. You apply a little but only go so far, the full way is just too uncomfortable.

Example 3: you decide to kick start a healthier you. You go to the gym (once) and it hurts psychically and mentally as you look around and watch the other lycra clad dudes and dudettes pump it out, you feel so out of place and uncomfortable you never go back.

Why do some people ride on through the uncomfortable stage of change where others retreat back to the comfort of what they know?

Let’s discuss.

Change is Like Buying New Pants

Pants as in knickers. Not pants as in trousers. (That’s for you US peeps). You know, undergarments. Knickers. Pronounced: nick-ers. It’s a Scottish thing.

(Aside: If you don’t wear pants. Go with me here and hellyeahwaytogoyou for going commando.)

Most of the women I know have a favourite cut of knickers. Whether it’s bloomers, full, classic, brazilian, shorts, shapers, hipsters, french, thongs, erotic, hipsters – each has a preference.

Everyone (okay maybe not everyone) knows when we’re having an experiment with a new batch of gusset. We’re complaining. We pull at them. We shuffle around to get comfortable. We feel awkward. Things are rubbing where they shouldn’t be. It’s a pretty unpleasant business breaking in new pants.

The first thing we do when we get a home is remove the criminal pants and put on the comfies, yes?

Comfies being the pants that we’re used to. Usually the experimental knickers aren’t worn again for a very long time. Each morning we consider them, remember the pain and reach for the cloth that’s our forever friend.

Unless we keep wearing the new knickers there is no way we will ever be comfortable in wearing them.

(I do realise the above is a sweeping generalisation about the buying habits of women and knickers, forgive me store card holders of Victoria’s Secrets.)

You are hard-wired for change, but it can be uncomfortable

I’m sure we’ve all felt it. When things start to happen. When we start to take action. Implement. Put focus on what needs our attention. It can feel like we’ve opened an imaginary portal to all the crap we’ve been trying to keep locked away, hiding, perhaps avoiding, ignoring and resisting.

This is the best time of change. The very best. It’s in this period that you know what you’re really made of.

What?!

Okay.

• This is the point when you feel you’re perhaps out your depth. Feeling and being are different.
• This is the point where you can make massive leaps. How wonderful to be exposed to your own fears, once you’re aware of them you can deal with them.
• This is the point where you’re sweating and wondering, ‘What the hell have I done!’ And a little voice says, ‘It’s okay.’ Sometimes drowned by the big voice saying, ‘Stop and go back to where you belong!’ Key: tell the booming voice to butt out.
  
• This is the point where you need to grab the elastic of your panties and pull them up tight. As this is the point where you will realise that you are made of strong stuff.
• This is the point where you allow the power of your imagination to see beyond the present and develop your end-result thinking.
• This is the point where you realise the change you want to see happen is all down to you.

When You Feel Uncomfortable

It’s natural. Stepping out of what you know and into the unknown affects us all in different ways. Allow your feelings, yet don’t let your feelings overwhelm you.

Whether you follow through on the change or not, change will have taken place.

Focus on the vision and end-result. Know why you are making the change. Return to that reason often.

Take smaller steps if you have to. And remember you can only ever take one step at a time. The first step is the most important.

Stay focused on the change you want to see, not the challenges to be overcome.

Train your brain and watch your self-talk. Your brain will accept any picture you give it as the truth. Your self-talk will be reflecting that dominant picture.

I’ve a few firewalks coming up, did you know it takes approx 5-6 steps to cross a firewalk. In the pre walk seminar I will say to peeps, ‘If you step on, walk four steps then think this is uncomfortable, for fecks sake don’t turn round and walk back!’

Some laugh and say, ‘Who would do that? That’s stupid.’

Isn’t it just? Who would do that? And yet we do. So,

To Do

Buy new pants. Wear them for a week (wash them of course). Or go commando. See how quickly uncomfortable disappears: it’s just a stage, only temporary.

Think of the areas of your life where you are implementing a change right now and you’re beginning to feel uncomfortable. Visualise the end result. Keep playing that picture until you are at peace with the feelings surrounding the change.

Consider a change you want to make in the coming year. Write down all you can about what you want to make happen. Don’t edit. Be vigilant to any resistance or fear that comes up. Give the feeling attention, but not the thought. Ask yourself, ‘Why am I feeling this?’ Write the answer down. You may have a thought that you are not ‘worthy enough’, then write down, ‘I am worthy’. Or you may think, ‘This is too big for me‘, then write down, ‘I am capable of all I set my mind to’.

Get it? Oh, and these might work. They are affirmations, however you can also use them to reframe negative self-talk.

‘Till next time, lots of love.

Ride the change.

 

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