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Is It Time You Were a Leader

July 31 Dawn

Is It Time You Became A Leader?

When you are at work, do you get frustrated because things don’t seem to be happening the way they’re supposed to be?

You see people milling around but nothing gets accomplished. And in the daily hustle and bustle, do you feel that your goals remain just that – goals.

Then maybe its time for you to stand up and do something about it.

Most people are content just to stand around listening for orders. And it isn’t unusual to adopt a follow-the-leader mentality. But maybe, somewhere inside of you, you feel the desire to make things happen – to be the head, not the tail.

Then maybe leadership just suits you fine.

Some people believe that great leaders are made, not born.

Yes, it may be true that some people are born with natural talents. However, without practice, without drive, without enthusiasm, and without experience, there can be no true development in leadership.

You must also remember that good leaders are continually working and studying to improve their natural skills. This takes a commitment to constantly improve in whatever endeavour a person chooses.

First of all, let’s define leadership.

To be a leader, you must be able to influence others to accomplish a goal, or an objective.

Contrary to what most people believe, leadership is not about power.

It’s not about harassing people or driving them using fear.

It’s about encouraging others towards the goal of the organisation. It’s putting everyone on the same page and helping them see the big picture

First of all, you have to get people to follow you. How is this accomplished?

People follow others when they see a clear sense of purpose.

People will only follow you if they see that you know where you are going. Remember that bumper sticker?

The one that says: ‘Don’t follow me, I’m lost too?”

The same holds true for leadership. If you yourself do not know where you’re headed to, chances are people will not follow you at all.

You yourself must know the vision of the organisation.

Being a leader is not about what you make others do. It’s about who you are, what you know, and what you do. You are a reflection of what you’re subordinates must be.

Studies have shown that one other bases of good leadership is the trust and confidence your subordinates have of you. If they trust you they will go through hell and high water for you and for the organization.

Trust and confidence is built on good relationships, trustworthiness, and high ethics.

The way you deal with your people, and the relationships you build will lay the foundation for the strength of your group. The stronger your relationship, the stronger their trust and confidence is in your capabilities.

Once you have their trust and confidence, you may now proceed to communicate the goals and objectives you are to undertake.

Communication is a very important key to good leadership. Without this you can not be a good leader. The knowledge and technical expertise you have must be clearly imparted to other people.

Also, you can not be a good leader and unless you have good judgment. You must be able to assess situations, weigh the pros and cons of any decision, and actively seek out a solution.

It is this judgement that your subordinates will come to rely upon. Therefore, good decision-making is vital to the success of your organisation.

Leaders are not do-it-all heroes. You should not claim to know everything, and you should not rely upon your skills alone.

You should recognise and take advantage of the skills and talents your subordinates have. Only when you come to this realisation will you be able to work as one cohesive unit.

Remember being a leader takes a good deal of work and time.

It’s not learned overnight. Remember, also, that it is not about just you. It is about you and the people around you.

So, do you have the drive and the desire to serve required of leaders? Do you have the desire to work cooperatively with other people? Then start now.

Take your stand and be leader today.

Workplace Bullying Is Never Acceptable

July 29 Dawn

It never ceases to amaze me how some people get paid to bully (sorry) manage others.

A trip yesterday led me to to local pet store, I was served by a very cheery, helpful person. However just behind her, a manager was verbally tearing strips out another member of staff, in full view and earshot of around 10 customers.

And it wasn’t pleasant. It was disgusting. So shameful that I actually said something.

I mean, I’m all for the giving and receiving of constructive feedback – but this was blatant bullying, public humiliation, ridicule and hurt.

The Workplace Bully

Have you ever had to work with the person who has created little ‘additions’ to their job description, which could read something like the following…

‘Ability to destroy another persons self esteem, confidence, worth’
‘Ability to abuse personal power and undermine others and take away their dignity and self respect’

It is incredibly difficult to work alongside and in partnership with another human being who is hell bent on making your life miserable.

Actually, it’s worse than ‘miserable’ – sadness and despair, depressing, dejecting, scary and extremely intimidating, unpredictable and uncertain…working in environment where you don’t know what is coming next is unproductive and highly demoralising.

Bullying is abuse.

It’s an abuse of power.

Full stop.

And no, the person does not have to be higher up the ladder than you. It can happen once or it can be ongoing over a period of time. And yes, it takes many forms…it can be blatantly obvious or extremely subtle.

Okay…how do you know if you’re being bullied?

Examples:

You are the ‘target’ of others jokes and ‘we’re only teasing’ and ‘pulling your leg’ ‘lighten up’ comments, you are screamed at, shouted at, patronised in front of others or on your own.
When the way you are being treated is consistently destroying your dignity, undermining you, and putting no value on your worth.
You can become aware of it when you are being consistently criticised, belittled, talked about behind your back (or even in front of you), when your work is constantly being scrutinised, or your views and opinions are not listened to.
You are not allowed to do your job effectively, always being given task that are not part of your description, kept back from what you are capable of achieving, you are lied to, cheated at and denied opportunities and chances (promotion).
When you experience manipulative or aggressive behaviours directed at you from others.

It’s unacceptable.

And you may have spoken about your experience with friends and family who have advised you to ‘stand up’ to them and ‘don’t let them get away with it’…and maybe you excuse their behaviour and tell yourself that ‘it must be you and it really isn’t that bad’, completely in denial of what is actually happening (natural, considering your self esteem and confidence is being destroyed.)

Mmm…

Worse is the myth that ‘the person’ is just being assertive…absolutely not the case: bullying, manipulating and aggression are not assertive behaviours…far, far, from the truth, and one of the reasons why assertiveness is so misunderstood.

Don’t Confuse Bullying With Assertiveness

Assertive people operate from a place of positive outcomes, and are completely aware and act to ensure that your self esteem, worth and rights are consistently acknowledge and heard.

Bully behaviour specialists on the other hand…could not care less about YOU! It’s all about them and what they can gain (physically, emotionally, psychologically).

Sure they care how you feel, you can feel anything you like…as long as it’s destructive and you have no power.

So what are the effects on you?

Well apart from the ‘biggies’ of losing confidence, self worth, esteem, dignity and human rights! Need I go on?

Let’s see…depression, stress related illness, no power, unable to do your job to the best of your ability, sick days, lack of focus, fear and apprehension.

What can you do?

Ah, the big question.

Right, shall we be honest, I would love to say ‘stand up and fight back’ but that probably is (no actually it is 100%) the most useless piece of information anyone could give you.

Why?

Well, it’s the right reply, however it may be too late…

What!

Here’s what I mean…

If you have reached the conclusion that you are being bullied there is a big chance that your self confidence and esteem has been destroyed and you would not want to ‘face’ the bully anyway.

What are your options? Start a grievance? Leave?

It’s so easy for me to write what to do, yet I also know from personal experience putting it into action is not an easy task…with all that has gone before and how you currently may feel.

The answer comes from getting informed and gaining knowledge…that alone will increase your confidence and personal power.

Learn, Discover, Explore:

The definition of assertiveness: the techniques, tools and make them part of your own behaviour.
The effects of bullying on a person (the psychological, physical and practical) and if needed look at ‘child bullying’ website, of which there are plenty.
The behaviours, characteristics and ‘how to spot a bully’
Phrases (quote from memory) that you can use when faced with bullying behaviour.
Understand how bullies can behave (there are different types…emotional bullies, physical bullies, psychological bullies)
Keep a diary and an accurate record of all bullying, manipulating and aggressive behaviour. Why? You may decide to start a grievance procedure and that counts as evidence.
Take out the emotion! If a workplace bully has been bullying for a very long time, the chances are no-one has challenged them on their behaviour.

We are all emotional beings however removing the emotion attached to an experience is something that can be learned.

To the bully if you say ‘you made (or make) me feel’ it’s not going to work.

You have just affirmed and confirmed that what they set out to achieve.

I mean can you imagine:

You: ‘When you said that I felt really annoyed and well, quite frightened’
Bully: ‘Oh, I’m sorry you felt that way, I won’t let it happen again’

Yeah! Right! (well, they may say it, but they don’t mean it…it’s going to take a lot more to undo the behaviours that the bully has developed over a lifetime)

The bully does not care about achieving harmony and win/win…so all you can do is learn how to manage their behaviour and your own emotional response to the behaviour.

They say a leopard can’t change it’s spots and once a bully always a bully…In my line of work (helping people change;) have to disagree, yet I don’t think it would be easy!

The leopard has to learn that it has spots first and want to change them!

In the meantime, learn how to protect yourself and your self-esteem.

Useful Websites:

I’m not a specialist on bullying however there are others who are, here’s a few links to external sites that we have come across:

http://www.bullyonline.org/

http://www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=794

Have you ever been bullied at work? What happened?

Starting a New Job? Here’s A Few Tips For Those First Few Months

July 25 Dawn

First up.

Well done you.

Huge congrats.

You’ve landed your new job, obviously the interview was an astounding success: you definitely impressed a few people with your skills, knowledge and gorgeous personality.

You thought the worry was over at the moment when they asked, ‘Please tell us about yourself’ at the interview but here you are now reading this little ditty because you’ve successfully swapped one fear for another: the interview fear for the fear of actually starting (or maybe you are a few days in and a little anxious because you have no idea if you’ve done the right thing).

You could be questioning and perhaps doubting your skills and (heck) even asking yourself, ‘Will people like me, will I fit in, will I be able to do the work?’

I think it’s known as a teeny-weeny crisis of confidence.

But let’s get a handle on this, assuming that is you’re going to pitch up, yes?

Let’s talk about the inside ‘stuff’, the ‘stuff’ that has you worrying, those little self doubts that just might keep you awake the night before your first day.

What if the job is different to what you imagined?

Imagine you begin and the job is not exactly what you thought it was (from the job description and application form), what do you do?

Ignoring the ones who blatantly have no idea what the hell is required – no matter how hard HR bods and Managers try to accurately state what the role is and is required, they may not work at the face of the role and there could be discrepancies.

What do you do?

a) Leave at lunch time the first morning? (Don’t laugh, people do this).

b) Stay a week and tell yourself that you’ll decide at the weekend?

c) Give it a bit time and go with the flow?

No right answer there, oh, and in my past I have chosen all options, being the wise old soul that I am (cough cough), I would say option ‘c’ is the best solution, giving it time.

There is so much to take in and learn in a new job/role, it’s probably going to feel as if you’re all up in the air, this is perfectly normal. Give yourself time to learn the ropes and give yourself permission to be the newbie.

Will I Fit In?

One of the biggest fears or worries when starting a new job for many can be the question, ‘Will people like me and will I fit in’, my short answer to that is:

Yes. But that’s too vague, huh?

Here’s the thing:

You are technically the newbie and some people will be a lot more welcoming than others (that doesn’t necessarily mean they like or dislike you.)

If you are entering a well established team, remember they are an already formed social group: roles, personalities, reputations, hierarchies (whether spoken or not) are being played, and being the new kid, you entering all that has to be established all over again.

As the new person, you’re not just starting a new job with new tasks and responsibilities you are entering a well established community or social group, almost like a tribe.

And even if they haven’t got them written down, they will have norms and rules they follow.

And no one will probably be able to tell you them.

Why?

Because they may not know them either or that they even exist. Honestly, humans are complicated and messy. Yet, they do exist, they are very real (if this stuff interest you, get your hands on Games People Play by Eric Berne, that’s a link to Amazon), and being the new person it can be uncertain times ahead when you are trying to follow guidelines and rules you don’t know.

And what feelings come with uncertainty? Nervousness, doubt and a lack of security.

Take heart – you will learn these ‘rules’ in time, and yes, you will become part of the community/tribe and you will eventually have your say at writing the new ‘Unspoken Rules Guidebook’ for your workplace. Unless you leave of course.

But say you notice things happening that shouldn’t be, then what?

What if you witness bad practices? People only working when a boss is around? People bitching about others? People covering mistakes? People deliberately sabotaging the work of another?

If you decide to say something, will you become the outcast?

What then?

What? You want my advice? Okay…

If you witness bad practice (against company policy, guidelines, rules) and it has the potential to harm others, don’t you have a duty here? I’m thinking about care homes, and I’m thinking about bad practice and nobody speaking up. Obviously there are too many unknowns here, seek help. Union? Anonymous helplines? HR?

The rest? The human stuff like back stabbing, slackers, people taking the urine, well, for what is worth, every workplace is different and of course it depends on your values on what you will do or not.

I have worked with people who’s only goal in a team was create to havoc: they ‘waltzed’ into their new role and assumed (no demanded) respect, authority and trust immediately – they never lasted in the job long, as they haven’t learnt that they are in a ‘new role’ as the new person and like all social groups (they have to earn it first).

And that takes time. And these same people will hate every new place until they learn this.

Yet it can be accelerated.

How?

Here’s a few tips:

You can prepare yourself mentally of how you want to be in your new role…you can think about your attitude, image, and communication skills. Yet, you obviously can’t prepare others. Show up as the person you said you were on your application, they are in there, right?

Be who you are. You were hired on the value you can bring. Don’t forget that.

If you were to start a new role pretending (because you want people to like and love you) you will probably not be able to maintain that behaviour very long. Build your confidence. There’s a wee free confidence course here.

Read and understand more on social groups, the way groups form and social roles – you’ll learn about you and it’s a skill for life that one.

Time – even a new member of staff starting work (to the existing staff) is change and not a lot of people like change. It’s not personal.

You are fresh remember. Like a new born baby you are not clouded or have any preconceived notions or ideas. So allow time to get to know everyone, make up your own mind instead of listening to the ‘this is what they are like’ stories from other people.

Being the newbie – just because the label is on you, it doesn’t mean to say you have to shut up and go along with everything. Own who you are. And you’re smart, do this in a way of how you would like to be treated.

Praise Yourself – this may seem a little wacko, but here’s what I mean – you may be a person that needs to hear you are doing a good job – you need it. However, you may not get it in your new workplace. I’m not saying you need all the compliments under the sun, you just need to know if what you are doing is the right thing. Your new workplace might not be like that…one of unspoken ‘rules’ of the group might be ‘we just get on with it’. Learn how to compliment yourself – don’t wait for the external world to tell you.

If you’re nervous, it will pass. As you are entering a new situation you may feel uncomfortable, it’s not just a new job its: new people, policies, environment, politics, community – find your flow. A good team will help with your transition (and yes there may be the odd bugger who does nothing to help you ) each moment will be come easier.

Ask for support and supervision. What if they don’t offer it? Suggest it?. In fact (it’s probably too late), it’s a very good interview question.

Your goal is to work effectively with other people, some you will find this easy with, others not so well. As long as the service and role you are carrying out is not affected then fine.

If you make a mistake – admit to it. Easier than said than done? Back to the staff team, if they are supportive they will accept the error and you can move on from it.

Learn about emotional intelligence and enhanced communication skills. There are some people that could not give a rats tail about how their behaviour effects others (oh and there are some that are the emotional baggage handlers) strike your balance.

Here’s a weird thing,

In my experience working with career changers most people love the first two weeks to a month. Its new, exciting, challenging, relationships and bonds are being formed all over the place.

Then when this time has passed people settle and they become more comfortable, only then can see faults and areas of the new job they are not happy with.

You’re worried about being seen in the best light? See all those other people around you? They too are being on their best behaviour for you.

This is the test. The first stage is a ‘honeymoon’ period, if there is one tip I could give you (right now) for this time it would be this, the real rewards come when you have all the information. Starting a new job is fantastic but nothing compared to the rewards an effective working team can achieve.

Be you, be calm, listen, be open, be aware all new experiences, take time to learn.

You’ve got this.

And should you ever need it:

Yeah, I know it may be a bit late because the horse has bolted, but if you ever do need help to work out what you should be getting paid for, I’d love to help you figure it out, maybe not today, but remember it’s here if you need it some time down the line.

Love.

Dawn

What One Woman Can Teach Us All About Awareness…

July 21 Dawn

You’ve maybe never heard of Jill Bolte Taylor (until now). A neuroanatomist she woke up one morning and realised she was having a massive stroke…what’s remarkable (and powerful to hear) is she remembers every moment: she experienced every part of her brain functions slipping away…there is a V-E-R-Y strong (beautiful) message behind her talk, she asks:

‘So who are we? We are the life force power of the universe, with manual dexterity and two cognitive minds. And we have the power to choose, moment by moment, who and how we want to be in the world.‘

Even now, posting it on our blog – we’ve watched it again, and have taken something else from her message.

We hope you enjoy it as much as we did, feel free to leave your thoughts below the video in comments:

Setting Intentions

July 13 Dawn

When you start each and every new day, or even a project or goal you set for yourself, do you consider and determine mentally your purpose, or desired outcome?

Would you agree that people set goals?

Perhaps they devise a goal to lose weight, obtain a new career, move house, fall in love or be kinder and more generous.

Then they may create an affirmation that says ‘I am this’ or ‘I am that’ that matches the goal.

People find that their goals and affirmations are soon forgotten about: they become distracted by the mundane, day to day details of their life, they may lose motivation and the momentum and they get caught up analysing all the technicalities and steps of ‘how’ it’s going to happen.

‘Technically’ though (according to some personal development experts) they’ve done it all right, they’ve followed the right steps…why then is it not working? What’s missing or more accurately: what is part of this equation that shouldn’t be there, and which is really none your concern?

The easy answer is the analysis of the technical steps to the achievement of your goal, or the ‘how’!

The question ‘how am I going to achieve this’ is not your concern.

Let’s say that again…the question ‘how am I going to achieve this’ is not your concern.

Part of achieving your goal is not worrying about the how.

You’ve taken the steps yes? You’ve set the goal or intention, right? You’ve considered actionable steps and you have seen it happening (visualised), you know, not believe, you KNOW it’s possible.

For instance, imagine you wanted to change career: you set a goal ‘I will be in a new career as a (fill in the blank) by (fill in the date) and I shall be earning (fill in the blank)’.

Then you write a few affirmations such as ‘I am proud that I have achieved the career of my dreams’…every night you read the affirmation x10 to yourself, then again in the morning.

You review and amend your goals, you set out all the steps.

You then spend a lot of time asking ‘how am I going to do this’, ‘how am I going to find the time?’, ‘how will I get my CV complete’, ‘how will I be able speak to the people in the places where I want to work’.

How? How? How?

This is the first insurmountable hurdle.

The ‘how’ is not your conscious job. It’s the work of your subconscious mind.

All you need to do is state your intention and it will automatically seek out all the information, resources and circumstances you need to achieve the goal.

It can’t be that easy, surely?

Yes, it is…it’s SO simple. It requires no hard study, no exam, no waiting.

For some, even talking about ‘setting intentions’ is deemed ‘way off the sane scale’ and ‘far-fetched’.

The truth is, you don’t have to DO anything. You only have to BE. You set the intention.

Intention is the power that requires no ‘how’ questions.

You already have access to all the power, motivation, momentum, desire, passion that you need to achieve any goal you intend for yourself.

The key is to connect with the intention: direct your mind, guide your thoughts, focus your beliefs, apply feeling behind the intention, be ready to receive that what you have asked for.

What about taking action?

This is all the action you have to take, there is no conscious effort. All the effort happens at a subconscious level, which your thinking mind does not need to concern itself with.

When things start happening, when you start to see events and circumstances unfolding and presenting themselves to you take them!

Because any action you will be shown to take won’t be beyond your capabilities, it won’t require a massive effort on your part, all the hard work has already been done.

If you started out believing your intention was going to be hard work and an uphill struggle, be ready for a bit sweat and an uphill struggle!

If you believe that what you intend is to difficult to achieve all at once, your going to get your intention in small pieces, a little at a time.

If you believe that your intention is going to be easy, then, you guessed it, it’s going to be easy.

The effort or ease by which your goal is achieved is in direct proportion to the quality of your positive belief (or intention!).

And this applies across the spectrum of your whole life: what you subconsciously intend is what you consciously get.

Your Turn

This is quite a ‘challenging’ concept for some. What do you think it’s hard to switch off the worry about the how?

65 Ways To Really Mess Up Your Life

July 10 Dawn

1#Work At Something You Hate

In fact detest it, spend one third of your life getting paid for something that makes you sick to the pit of your stomach, feeling stressed, undervalued and unworthy! ‘Think’ change is not possible, just deal the hand you’ve been played and lump it.

2# Be Dishonest With Yourself

Tell yourself your something your not, become a criminal of your own mind: lie, cheat and be selective about what you share with the world including your own mis-givings and shortcomings, pull the wool firmly over your own eyes!

3# Be Dishonest With Others

Doesn’t matter why you do it, who cares if it’s a lack of confidence, attention seeking, hiding flaws and imperfections ‘competing’ with peers, to gain from others, just do it! It doesn’t matter that you’re ‘gonna be found out, you’ll cope, you can think up another lie.

4# Exist In a Relationship That Hold No Love

Stay in it: yeah, things may be well past their sell-by-date, wait a while, ‘hope’ and ‘wish’ things will get better, the time might come when it will be ‘right’ to end it, no point in fearing what’s going to happen at the end.

4.5# Have a Huge Gigantic EGO

Great! You’ll always be right, never lose face or be humiliated, it’s fun blaming others for your life, who cares if you aren’t perfect! Not you! You’ll never look like a fool, and take comfort in the fact that to provoke, prod and accuse other people will always make you look arrogant. No ‘dragons to slay’ huh?

5# Accept Nothing Less Than Perfectionism

Nothing is every going to be good enough for you so relax, you probably won’t get anything done, after all your best is just not good enough is it?

6# Ignore Your Finances (and Debt)

Yep, bury your head in the sand, everything will just blow on over. The debt will disappear and doing nothing about your finances, that’s cool, they will sort themselves out. Don’t look at them, don’t be in control of them, enjoy the fact that thinking about them leaves you hollow inside.

7# Adopt the Lone Ranger Syndrome

Saddle up and do everything by yourself. Asking for help, support or advice isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. Forget that there will be someone in this world who has what you are looking for or can help you out. Try not to ask for help, people always say no!

8# Listen to Others, Not Yourself

‘Does my bum look big in this?’, ‘what would you do?’, ‘what do you think’, ‘tell me what I should do?’, ‘oh, I never thought if that, yes, that’s better, I’ll do it your way’…at all times follow the opinions of others, you don’t know yourself that well (what you need, what you want and what your intuition is telling you.) Never listen to yourself, it’ll be wrong!

9# Don’t Look After Yourself OR Love Yourself

Try not look after yourself and for goodness don’t love yourself! That’s just to wishy-washy and airy-fairy. You aren’t that important really, always put others before yourself it’s seen as less selfish, even if your ready to drop dead on your feet!

10# Go For Limiting Beliefs

Accept beliefs such as: ‘I must be liked and loved by everyone’ or ‘It’s too late for me to…’ or ‘I’ll never be able to…’ or ‘I’m not good/smart/clever/intelligent enough’ as the truth! If you think they are true, they probably are and you’ll never be able to change them.

11# Blame Others Often

If it wasn’t for…my partner, my wife, my husband, the kids, the dog, the cat, the jobcentre, the careers advisor in high school, my ex boss, the place where I worked when I was 16, my looks, my feet, my education, my first love, my bank, the weather, my confidence, my self-esteem, my firing, my sacking, my training…whatever you want to use fill it in, it was probably was ALL their fault! Accept no responsibility and give up your control, people need to be blamed.

12# Live in the Past

Try not to let anything go, hold on to it tightly, those were the days, spend the next years of your life trying to replicate it, forget the fact that everything around you has changed.

13# Boredom

If boredom comes upon you, that’s fantastic. Do nothing about it, declare to the world how bored you are, shove it on Facebook, notice how everyone comes and ‘unbores’ you. Put on the TV, eat, stick with what you know.

14# Only Negative Self Talk Permitted

Try and not talk to yourself positively, negative self talk is the only solution to belittling, berating, and destroying your confidence and self esteem! Watch out, you don’t want to mix positivity in there!

15# Be Around Put You Down People

Positive people are so annoying anyway! To not become one of ‘them’: surround yourself with the most negative people you know, agree with their negativity, join in if you can, have conversations about how terrible the world is. If you start to enjoy it, leave, that defeats the purpose!

16# Give Up Too Soon

When things become a challenge or a little difficult, just stop. Give up when you can, no point in trying to go forward, you probably won’t make it anyway, save your energy for something else.

17# Mentally Beat Self to A Pulp

Whenever you can think about your mistakes from the past. Try for as long as possible to dwell on them, feel what you felt then and continue to do this until you are in place of angst, crying is better.

18# Have No Emotional Control

There is no point on trying to manage your feelings. Whenever the feelings arise, display them to the world. Anger, jealousy, envy, rage are all great ones to keep other human beings away from you.

19# Guilt! Guilt! Guilt!

Try to hold onto as much guilt from the past as you can possible can. Whatever you did (or didn’t do) is worth remembering. Even better (whenever you get the opportunity) make others feel guilty about what they did, go ahead and do it, it makes them feel awful but guilt is a great emotion to drudge up!

20# Take No Responsibility

Leave it to others, it’s easier that way. Give it up, take on somewhat ‘child-like’ behaviour, it doesn’t matter all the action was yours, who cares, pass the buck.

21# Live By Others Instruction Manuals

Don’t create your own, just follow others ways of how the world it.

22# Don’t Take Any Risks

This is important. Take no risks: never try anything new, don’t make yourself unsafe in anyway, people talk about pushing past comfort zones, stay in yours, life will just be the same and that’s perfect!

23# ‘Mini Me’ Syndrome

Whenever and wherever you can, just talk about yourself, ignore the people who shut off and walk away, they don’t matter. You are the most important person in your world, they have to realise that!

24# Ignore All Feedback

If people have anything to say to you, let them try! After all, your perfect, there is nothing wrong with you. Don’t concern yourself with feedback and the opportunity to amend your behaviours, what do they know?

25# Controlling Behaviour

If you can be a control freak, even better. Where possible try and control everyone and everything. You’re the ‘boss’, it’s your way or no way. Comprising is out and never let anyone tell you there is a better solutuon.

26# Try Not to Listen

Talk all the time, listening too much can help you to grow, you don’t want that do you? You have loads to say, just say it, feel free to finish the sentences of others and jump to conclusions, there’s nothing you’ve not heard before.

27# You Do Know It All

You do, you need not learn any more, there is nothing else left for someone to teach you. You are an expert in everything. Look, you know best, sure you do, just jump at any chance to pass on your knowledge and wisdom to others, the room won’t have anyone in it as great as you!

28# Persistence

Who cares how many times it took Edison to invent the light bulb, seriously, who cares? If it doesn’t happen the first you try, it’s not going to work, so stop doing it and do something you can do.

29# Publicly Humiliate Others

This one is best saved for large groups when the person is there, or small ‘cosy’ groups when they aren’t. Either use sarcasm or aim the jokes at them, or gossip behind their back, share information that was confidential – it’s humilation at it’s best, enjoy. No-one will be doing it to you behind your back!

30# Over Do It

Take everything to excess. And even better things that make you unwell and unhealthy: eating, smoking, drinking, lack of sleep. Your body can cope with the pressure.

31# Stop at Challenges and Obstacles

That’s it just stop. They are there for a reason, take the hint!

32# Decide Nothing

If you have to choose or decide, try not to. Wait a while, better still, let others make decisions for you! Why would you want to accept the responsibility of any decIsion you make? Goodness you could even make the wrong one, what then?

33# It’s Too Late

It probably is. Look if you’re thinking it, chances are you’ve missed all the opportunities and chances coming your way. There aren’t going to be anymore, so accept it. You’ve had your time.

34# Live In Fear

Whatever it is, it will become real anyway. How can it not? Please don’t try and conquer any fear, you have no idea what’s on the other side. No, stay safe and live with the fear, much more rewarding.

35# Lack of Trust

Trust no-one, everyone is out to ‘get you’. Break all trust with the people you know, you’ll be hurt in the end.

36# Slap Forgiveness in The Face

If someone has done you wrong, never forgive. It’s a sign of weakness and you never want to be seen as a ‘pushover’.

37# Procrastination

We’ll get back to you on this one!

38# Wishing Away Time

Long for your holidays, big events, happy times. It’s okay to think ‘well, in 8 weeks I’ll be lying on a beach in…’ the eight weeks inbetween, they are irrelevant and you don’t need to think about them, just wait for time to pass.

39# Superman/Superwoman

Be all and everything to everyone. Ignore yourself and your own needs, never say no and never let anyone ‘down’ – they’ll hate you for it!

40# Broken Promises

Never, ever, keep a promise. Keeping promises is for people who care about others, promises are meant to be broken remember?

41# Nosey Parker

Stick your nose into everyone else’s business as much as you can. You can gather information to use to humiliate others, people will always love your opinion, even if they don’t ask for it, give it anyway!

42# Whining, Whinging, Wallowing

These are great qualities and as much as people say that they annoy them, they don’t. When carrying them out as an activity remember to throw in as much self-pity as possible, folks love that and they are sure to take notice!

43# Everyone Cares About You The Same As You Care About You

You are number 1! No doubt about it, the world obviously moves around you. You are the centre of the universe. It’s only ‘right’ that others think so too.

44# Think Small, Live Smaller

Big things only happen to others, remarkable only happens to ‘them’, awesome is something that is reserved for the minority. Don’t be disappointed, think tiny for you.

45# Close Your Mind to New Experiences

You’ve seen it all, done it all before! There is nothing that is going to excite you or make you sit up and take notice. If anyone suggests anything to you, cut them off at source, you’ll be very disappointed, new doesn’t mean better!

46# Live in Comfort With ‘I Can’t’, ‘If only…’, ‘Yeah, but’

So what? If you can’t, you can’t. Why try? Why risk the journey of actually realising you can do something? You might fail! No, stick with what you can do now, leave others to try new things, let them be the ones to risk!

47# Be Rescued and Saved

Let others rescue and save you. It’s so much quicker than trying to sort things in your own head. Let them come and rescue from your emotional angst and torment, you have no need to grow or learn from any experience.

48# Jealousy

GO Green! If someone is doing better than you, never ever wish them well, ignore them, cut them out your life, find ways to punish them and bring them down a peg or two, that’ll teach ’em.

49# Believe Everyone Loves and Likes You

Yes they do, oh yes they do! Assume nothing less. You’re a likeable lovable soul! There must be something wrong with them if they don’t. Don’t think you have to build a relationship – they should always ‘get’ you first meeting.

50# Finished Education

You spent years at school, and they taught you everything you need to know. There comes a point when learning is done. Know need to learn anymore, nothing no one else can teach you. Dismiss any opportunity to learn and grow. You’re done.

51# Stick With The Crowd

The crowd knows best. Why on earth do people want to ‘do there own thing’ anyway? Why on earth would ‘being an individual’ actually work? To move away from the crowd takes courage, guts and a risk…do you really want the hassle of being the ‘oddity’?

52# Hide The ‘Real’ You

Never let anyone see the ‘real’ you, you have faults, deep rooted habits, beliefs and thoughts but to let people ‘in’ and expose the ‘inner’ working of your mind is a clear road to disaster.

53# Don’t Keep Appointments

Never turn up on time or where you promised you said you would be. It will show a lack of respect for yourself and other(s) but it’s irrelevant, they won’t bother so neither should you!

54# Use Others For Personal Gain

They have feelings, but ignore this point. Use people, they won’t notice, never think you have to give anything in return. If they are so gullible, it’s not your fault.

55# Ignore LIFE

Forget the fact that it’s happening now, and this it. It’s too much to think about, best not concern yourself with what it’s meant to be for you.

56# The Glass IS Half Empty

Optimism is just silly. It’s for people who have lost touch with reality. Don’t be fooled by them, the worst always happens!

57# Lack Creativity

If you haven’t figured out a solution to a problem the first time you think about it, that chances are there isn’t one. Don’t think to hard, any possibilities will just be stupid ideas.

58# Stay in Your Comfort Zones

They are there for a reason, they keep you safe! You probably have a small comfort area, that’s okay, less space to travel out of them. Stick with what you know, in the long run you won’t be scared or disappointed!

59# Never Plan

It’ll never happen anyway…adopting the ‘see how it all unfolds’ or ‘what’s for you, won’t go past you’ is an ideal mindset. Plans are meant to broken, they never last, heck, you could be run over by a bus tomorrow, no the future does not concern you.

60# Leave Silence Well Alone

Never sit and be quiet, who knows what could happen! You may find a little peace or think about ‘things’ you don’t want to think about. Keep busy, fill your head at all times with other ‘stuff’!

61# Seek Revenge

If anyone does you wrong, seek revenge on the culprit. This ‘turning away’ is for pussies, they did you wrong, so do exactly the same back. It’ll not hurt you anymore!

62# Live a Stressful Life

Let others find peace and tranquillity; fill your life with stressful moments. They do keep you motivated and everyone works best under stress!

63# Don’t Listen to Others

Let everyone know your story – your pain, hardships, problems, issues – they are probably incredibly interesting to you, spread the word, no one will ever wait for you to say ‘how are you?’

64# Never Follow Your Heart

You’re doomed if you do! Give up dreams, leave them alone. You’re not able to make decisions based on what your heart tells you, you have to live your like for a long time to come, do what’s always in your head and ‘real’!

65# You Don’t Have Any Power

You don’t, there is never away out of hard, tricky situations or feelings of loathing! Maybe some people ‘do’ find a way, but that means having to ask for help!