Yep, you have.
So have I, and so has everyone else on our planet.
Beliefs and values have been instilled and conditioned in us since our childhood.
Fact.
I grew up in Scotland, and if you also grew up here we would probably share some similar beliefs such as: the weather is awful, the winters are harsh, we are a small nation with big heart, we have a serious issue with heart disease, and we’ll laugh about Scotland ever qualifying for the world cup!
But we’ll have our differences, for example:
I’m a vegetarian, which may give you a picture (based on your beliefs) of a long haired, pale-skinned, ‘hippy’ dressed, tree hugging individual, who seriously needs a good scrub with an antiseptic soap!
You may say to me you ‘work in the city‘, I may picture (based on my beliefs) a well suited, high powered, harsh, cold individual, drinking over prices lattes and credit cards maxed out. (I don’t, that’s not my beliefs!)
You may tell me your a Christian, I may (based on my beliefs) raise my eyebrows, and think ‘God Squad’ and may think you lead a ‘safe’ and boring life. (Again, I don’t, just an example!)
I may tell you I don’t follow any religion, and you may think (based on your beliefs) that I’m doomed, lost, lead a life that is shameful and promiscuous.
Here’s The Problem
The statement ‘based on our beliefs’.
Our beliefs are not the absolute truth.
It takes a brave and very courageous person to ask of themselves ‘is this belief true’ or ‘am I seeing all there is’?
Because the answer may indeed turn a world and life upside down.
And sometimes all it takes is to change a belief is exposing yourself to an alternative.
e.g. If you came from New York and the only experience you had of Scotland was parades, bag pipes and haggis, ginger hair, beer swirling, whisky drinking, kilted ‘och aye’ Scottish-ness, then automatically you would need to question your beliefs about Scotland based on one meeting with me.
So, life.
Yes, it’s easier to not question your beliefs.
It’s easier to go with the ‘norm’, accept the rules, groupthinking and ‘hand-me-down values’ from others.
No carts are overturned and nobody gets hurt.
But easy does not mean best.
Is not to question, to remain asleep?
To remain closed to thousands of other possibilities?
No doubt, my line of work is to help individuals identify what areas of their life aren’t working, identify the beliefs around the area and then to ask the right questions to open up alternatives.
And there probably will be a period of ‘waking up’.
A time when a you perhaps struggle with letting an old belief go, a time of remorse, a realisation of so much time wasted, or perhaps regret, guilt and blame.
But these pass.
The beauty of beliefs: when you question and breakthrough an old, limiting and self sabotaging belief (or brainwash) from the past…you cannot go back to the old belief.
However, feelings are never the root or cause of a problem.
To some, when assertiveness or ‘asserting yourself’ is mentioned it conjures up a lot of negativity, simply because assertiveness (positive) is confused with aggression, it is not the same.