If you could win the war against yourself, in particular, your inner critic, you would have won a very long time ago. As this is probably not going to happen, we can learn how to keep it in a happier and jollier peaceful state.
I’ve noticed that when it comes to unfolding, change, growth, transformation and getting stuff done – in my own life and that of clients – instead of being loving, kind and warm with ourselves we attack, usually by our own words:
‘My biggest problem is …’
‘I’d love to but I know I just can’t’
‘I know this is a stupid idea’
‘I don’t expect this will be easy or that I’ll succeed’
You know how confusing that is to your brain? There is part of your mind willing to change, but there is another part of your mind – stronger because the habitual thinking hasn’t been changed – going to war against it.
You can’t change old programming with the same old programme. It wouldn’t update. You have to install new updated bug-free software.
A brain at war with itself is pretty hairy scary, it causes so much inner turmoil and conflict.
Is this the part where we high-five each other, punch the air, go to Pinterest and pin happy quotes, and never utter a negative word?
It is heckers* like. No, no, no. Do we know each other?!
It’s the part where we put down – or practice to – all weapons we are using against ourselves, words mainly.
And we breathe.
And we look at what we are creating.
And we breathe again.
And we simply notice if we are creating a war zone or a lovefest in our own head.
And we make a choice if we are going to charge ahead with the old thinking, or are we going to look for more peaceful and loving alternatives. Even if it feels slightly uncomfortable.
Examples? Why certainly, here you go:
Instead of: One of the biggest problems I have (which is reminding your brain not to forget about all the problems you have, which are all huge and depending on you feel about you are unpassable)
Could become: One of the solutions I am seeking an answer to at the moment.
Instead of: I don’t expect this will be easy or that I will succeed (which is reminding your brain to find all the possible hard ways to do something, and remove the joy of the journey)
Could become: This may be a challenge, right now I’m not sure of the way forward, but the success comes in trying anyway regardless of the outcome.
Dawn! I can’t remember all that.
Calm down now.
You don’t have to.
You just have to pause when you’re thinking is on the frontline and ask yourself, ‘Is there another way, a more loving way, of responding and reacting to this’?
Carry on now.
PS: This post was originally one of the daily emails to participants of 100 Days to Done click here to find out more.
Is it heckers like = Scottish for ‘Oh, no it isn’t” (you learn something new every day, huh?)