You cannot hold two conflicting thoughts in your mind at the same time.
A little intro first …
The beloved and I are – if we were asked to choose – optimists – that things will work for the good.
But being optimistic doesn’t stop them accidentally stamping in dog poop when out for the evening doggy walk.
Not every night, but a lot they somehow manage it way more than other people. Aside: They don’t go looking for it or anything, it’s not some weird game they have going on with themselves.
One minute they smell lovely and the next I hear, ‘Oh, for fecks sake!’
I then watch them balancing on one leg trying to get their shoe off without touching the stink, at the same time frantically grabbing at a twig or some nearby leaf because that level of bark is sure to save them from hitting the ground in their cleaning balancing game!
‘Every fecking night!’, on they go ranting and raving. Before hopping to a patch of excrement free grass to clean the soles of their shoes. Then peace is restored.
I find it funny. Of course.
Much to their annoyance. Of course.
Just like they think it’s highly amusing when I scorch pots. Not slightly burn, I mean, charred. I swear I haven’t had a tin of baked beans that haven’t been flavoured with ‘Burnt ‘O’ A Crisp’ in about 4 years.
Point,
Choosing optimism doesn’t mean you’ll never stand in dog poop, or not burn your pots.
A whole walk isn’t bad when you have to take five minutes to wipe poop your shoes for a moment.
A whole evening isn’t ruined when you’re pulling bits of unrecognisable food out from between your teeth.
Well, wait, that’s not completely true, it’ll depend where you’re placing your attention (what thoughts you are focusing on), because the choice of ruined, a disaster, this is the way it always is … or not … lies entirely with you.
The other week we talked about nothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so.
I’ve witnessed (myself and others) people having one tiny everyday mishap – it didn’t go according to their script of how it should have went– who then ran with the thought of that one negative experience into the next one, and the next, and the next, and the next, thus ruining moments.
And that’s when days and walks do get ruined.
It doesn’t have to be like that, you have the power to change all your thoughts.
Here’s a little technique, obviously you need an experience to try it out with, but don’t go creating one, if you need to use it you’ll remember it at the right time,
1. Perceived negative experience happens. Don’t react, but notice the thought that is bothering you, feel what you feel.
Yes, yes, you can, you always a can. Simply a matter of choosing not to.
2. Name the feeling. Be honest. This is crucial, how many times have you heard someone say, ‘Well, I must stay positive!’ and they sure as hell don’t feel it? To deny how you really feel is insane. Be honest with the feeling, that way you take all energy out of it. It is okay to feel rotten, admit it, and give yourself some peace so you can change it.
3. Now we have to interrupt the perceived negative thought, so close your eyes if you have to, feel the thought, three deep breaths and at the same time create a picture in your mind of a flickering candle. Hold the picture of the candle and breaths deeply for another 3.
4. As you breathe deeply, see the light of the candle grow stronger, flickering stopped, it’s now offering a full glow. When you’re ready, and not before, with your last breath of the exercise gently blow out the candle.
Why this technique, and why a candle?
Choose anything you like to focus on, it doesn’t have to be a candle.
The why? Well, it interrupts you before you go tearing after the negative initial thought. When you choose to hold a negative thought in your mind, you will create a picture. If you allow yourself to follow that thought/picture, you will start creating other pictures that match or offer proof that the first is correct.
When you hold the thought, then choose to think of the candle (or something else that brings you peace) you are then changing the picture.
You cannot hold two dominant pictures in your mind at the same time: that is the key here. It’s one or the other.
You may find that you keep returning back to the original negative thought, perfectly natural to begin with, it’s the one fueled with the most emotion at the start, but stay on it, you can choose what you think about, always.
Example?
Yes, I have one for you, if the beloved and I have lost sanity for a moment and arguing, instead of heading down the path where we are hissing about the current thing, and then bringing up the stuff from the past – because that’s where the thoughts take us.
It requires only one of us to stop the madness. To say, ‘I’m walking away now, as this is not who I am’. And we walk. It takes only one of us to think peace.
I’m not saying don’t resolve that which needs resolved, what I am saying is to not resolve anything when you are, well, ‘out your mind’. Thoughts that come with anger (and any other fear) take you out your right mind. Right mind?
The mind that is peaceful is your natural state.
Wonderful post!
Thanks for sharing