Dawn Barclay

Helping you align all that you do with your core values

Moxie Living: Courage and Confidence

All blog post Moxie Living

98 1/2 Ways That May Help Change Your Life (or Nudge You a Little)

Here you go, 98 and a half ways to change your life, or at least nudge your butt.

Nudge as in ‘hey, you, you okay? C’mon, let’s do it’ friendly ‘kinda nudge.

They aren’t hard, they aren’t asking you to make huge changes, they are teeny, small little behaviours that can be changed in a moment.

Enjoy.

See you at the end.

 

 

 

#1 Become Your Own Best Friend

Would you hang out with you?  Would you talk to your nearest and dearest the way you speak to you?  Become your own best friend; give yourself the respect and dignity that you give to others.

2# Hang Out With People Who Are Good For You

Are there enough people in your life who are assisting you to become all that you want to become?  Are there enough people in your life who are ‘good’ for you?

3# Watch Your Thoughts

Have you heard the phrase you become what you think about most?  The way you think about you becomes you’re current reality.  Learn how to manage your thoughts for personal growth: eliminate the negative Inner Critic.

#4 Learn a ‘New’ Language

Develop the habit of using language that is successful, empowering and which builds your confidence and self-esteem.  Negative language patterns tear you apart and may stop you becoming all that you can become.

#5 Positivity Is Not Weak

You can choose to think positively or negatively:  No news is good or bad, it’s only news.  Find the good in everything, even the challenges; you cannot create a problem that you cannot resolve!

#6 Never Ever Quit

There is a difference between changing your direction and quitting.  When you are making massive changes, prepare for the unexpected and you are smart enough to know when you’re just quitting.

#7 Create and Implement Massive Plans of Action

Nothing was ever gained from standing still.  The best plan in the world is nothing without massive action.  Plans don’t create, you do.

#8 Make Decisions

Life is going to happen whether you like it or not.  You can choose to decide what’s right for you, or let others choose for you.  It may be the best decision, or that worst.  What’s important is this: you made it.

#9 Adopt a Different Language

Allow positive words, phrases and successful language to become your guide.  There is power in the words you use, choose words that work for your personal growth and build your potential.  They may seem strange at first, perfectly natural, they will become habit.

#10 Take Care of the Caretaker

Look after yourself, sleep well, eat well and exercise.  Energy creates energy.  If you’re unwell, lacking vavavoom and mojo, or living at ‘half empty’ it’s almost impossible to live each day to it’s fullest and to give it you’re best. YOU are important.

#11 Aim For Beyond the Moon (Metaphor!)

We can sometimes set our goals that are beneath our actual capabilities.  Shoot for past the moon; go two steps beyond what you find comfortable.

#12 Gain Momentum

A wheel going down a hill will pick up speed, no matter how many rocks, potholes or obstacles in its way.  Set off, start what you need to start.  You’ll quickly pick up speed, too many people wait for the ‘starters gun’, and they may wait a long time.

#13 Acknowledge Your Fears

The first step to change and breaking through fear is to acknowledge it exists.  Be smart.  At least admit it’s there.  Bringing it out into the open will allow you to look at it and then create the opportunities to get rid of it.

#14 No Fear Is Bigger Than You

There is no fear that you cannot overcome.  None.  How it got so BIG is irrelevant, you can crush a fear in seconds: stand tall, face it and go through it.  That is the shortest, most effective, quickest way to break personal barriers.

#14 Make Change Your Ally

Change happens whether we like it or not.  Create your own change or allow it to be done to you, you have a choice.  Take ownership of the present moment, it will become the tomorrow you.

#15 Have Hard Conversations

Say what needs to be said, when and where you need to say it.  Conflict is a part of life; keep respect and honour for yourself and others.  Conflict is not anger.

#16 Do What You Fear The Most

Break your own barriers: you can read about doing it, see others do it, but until YOU do it, the fear will always hold you.  Fear is false evidence appearing real.  The shortest route to conquering all fears is ‘do it’.  Simple, time served truth.

“And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance, I hope you dance” ~ Lee Anne Womak

#17 Learn Assertive Behaviours

Say what you mean and own what you say.  Repeat your message if necessary and understand that confidence is not the same as arrogance.

#18 Gratitude

Say thank you more often: to you, others, the universe, God: whatever it is you believe needs to be thanked. Acknowledge the smaller details and what you have now.  Gratitude indeed costs nothing.

#19 Try New Things

We are creatures of habits.  Develop yourself by trying new things, going new places, speaking to people who you ‘think’ you have nothing in common.  We learn the lessons we need the most in unexpected places.

#20 Volunteer

For no other reason than ‘giving back’ and expect nothing in return.

#21 Take a Risk Every Now and Then

Ask yourself ‘why not’? Or ‘what if I…?’ You may be surprised at the results.

#22 Practice Human Touch

Someone, somewhere needs to feel loved, wanted and craves the intimacy of others.  Do it with congruence and genuineness.

#23 Goal Getting

Write them, visualise them, see and feel them working, before they appear real.  Setting them is not the same as going and getting them and you’re brain will believe whatever you tell it – true or not.

#24 Listen Well

Focus your attention on the whole person, what they say with words and what they say with their body, tonality and expressions.  To be listened to is a wonderful gift to give a fellow human being.  You don’t have to agree with all that is said.

#25 Build Meaningful Relationship

With everyone you meet.  You may meet strangers who can open the windows when the doors were shut.  Give value first, ask how you can serve this person, not what will they give me.

#26 Delete What No Longer Works

What is in your life that is a) causing you pain and b) no longer serves you.  You perhaps had a need for it once but all things change if it’s doing you no good, delete it.  We have a tendency to hold onto to what we no longer need way past its sell by date.

#27 Know Your Core Values

Who are you?  What do you stand for?  What must you have in your life?  Are you living your life in alignment to what you value most? Need help? Download the core values worksheet here.

#28 Stay Curious

Curiosity is one of the most powerful skills from childhood to hold onto and develop.  Never stop asking why, when, how, what, where and why?  You could discover an answer you’ve longed for.

#29 Stop Apologising For Things That Are Not Your Fault

Do you end your sentences in  ‘sorry’ all the time?  When you make a request do you apologise for speaking your mind or saying how you really feel?  Have conviction in what you are saying.

#30 Environment Check In

Take a look around your environment (home, work, play) is it in balance?  Is it working for you?  Is it a reflection of what is going on inside?  Clear up, clear out or live with.

#31 Rid Yourself of Shoulds, Oughts and Musts

Become a like to, want to, love to and choose to person.  You’ll get it done quicker, easier, in half the time and with more fun.  We fight against ourselves when we have to do something.#32 Don’t Wait

BE, NOW what you are becoming.  You don’t have to wait to feel what you want to feel, do you?

#33 Develop Personal Boundaries

The best boundaries are fluid.  Know what you will tolerate and accept and what you won’t, and what you will do if they are crossed over.

#34 Say No to Unreasonable Requests

And stick with your decision.  You always have the right to say no.  Set your boundaries and decide what is unreasonable for you.  Learn to accept you are not responsible for how other people feel when you are maintaining your boundaries.

#35 Say Yes to More Often

We are too quick to jump to no, especially when we are unsure of the outcomes.  Choose to say yes to that which requires you to step out of your comfort zones — they’ll  s-t-r-e-t-c-h. 

# 36 Make Time for You

You were born alone and you will depart alone.  All the relationships we have are a bonus, however you may need alone time.  This is not selfish.  It taking care of you’re own mental, spiritual and physical well being, make time, no excuse.

# 37 Manageable Roles

Consider all the roles you play in your life.  Are they well managed?  Do you need to play all the parts?  Can you share a few?  Allow an understudy every now and then?  Must everything fall on your shoulders?  Do you need to ask someone else to step up?

#38 Get Up and Show Up

Stick to you commitments you have made to other people.   Keep every appointment.

#39 Maximise Your Strengths

You will excel at many things, develop what you’re good at, you’re weaknesses are someone else’s expertise.

#40 Practice Visualisation

Play mental movies. Make them colourful and see yourself taking part.  Slow them down, speed them up.  Add sound, backdrops, and scenery.  Get the result clear and keep replaying over and over again, until the pathway is formed.

#41 Live in The Present

Realise that the past, being over, is unreal: that the future, is not yet created doesn’t exist either.  Only the present is real.

#42 Know Your Emotional Triggers

We all have ‘hot buttons’, once pressed they can release negative emotions and affect our states.  The best plan is to let go of the emotions of the past.  The second is to be fully aware that you create the reactions to the actions of others.

# 43 Become a Creature of (Good) Habits

It takes between 21 – 28 days for new Neuro pathways to be created, formed and wired.  Create new habits one day at a time then maintain for another 28 days. If you falter, just start over.

#45 Step Out Your Own Way

We can screw ourselves pretty good up without the help of others.  Learn to look at your life from a 30,000ft view. Watch you go about your life.  Look at the movie, not play your part.  Do you need to direct yourself differently?

#46 Set Your Intention

Many people start a new project or begin a new idea with the intention it ‘won’t work’, this is doom talk.  Set clear your intentions of what is going to happen.  You may still not reach the exact desired result, however you WILL have a better chance of it, set the intention to modify if necessary!

#47 Learn What You Need

We don’t stop learning when we leave formal education.  We may become bitter that what we were taught has not served us.  Stay committed to being a learner of life, lessons are given daily, and will you attend the classes? Take notes and use?

#48 Practise Becoming a WOW Communicator

Listen to understand, show empathy, turn from judgement, be genuine, present, congruent, and treat everyone with respect.

#50 Re Programme Your Brain

You’ve probably heard the brain is like a computer: garbage in and garbage out.  Everything you have ever experienced through your senses (from before you were born) is stored, filed, and locked away.  Your brain is not fixed.  At anytime you can choose to switch the channels, change the pictures, provide new programmes to follow.  We update computer programmes don’t we?  We can’t run new software on old platforms!

#51 Screw Up It All Up

Once you have a ‘picture’ clear in your head of what you think you are like.  You develop patterns of behaviour in alignment with your thoughts.  Not happy with the current pattern?  Play with the memories, screw up the pictures: scramble limiting patterns so your brain cannot hold the dominant picture any longer.

#52 No Matter How Intelligent You Are…

Filling your brain is not the same as using it.

#53 Read and Implement

What can you learn from people who have a similar story?  Most people write their story because they have something to share, some thing to say.  If you are addicted to personal development books, implement one thing from each for 28 days, otherwise why are you reading them?

#54 No More Blame

When things go wrong, it’s natural to look for the culprit or to lay blame at someone else’s’ feet.  Why blame others for your present moment?  You can change it.  Blaming others is a wasted lesson and depletes your personal power.

#55 Pay Attention

Some people wander through life with blinkers on their eyes.  Everything you need for now is already here; you only need to pay attention and see it.

#56 Create Your Mission Statement

It’ll change, it’ll grow, and it’ll develop.  Start with plan of where you are going, what you stand for, what your mission is, give yourself a purpose.

#57 Keep a Journal

Not a diary or a ‘daily events’ log.  Find peace and write.  Ask questions and see what comes up: what answer you find. Write it down.  It’s not the time to question who is writing, or edit what you put down.

#58 Affirmation

Write them down.  Keep them close.  Repeat them often.  Attach emotion and feel that the affirmation already exists. There purpose to help you reprogramme your brain.

#59 You See With Your Brain Not Your Eyes

Your reality is created by beliefs, perceptions, conditioning and programming.  You’ll see what you want to see whether it’s true or not.  What we don’t understand is not yet wired.  Ask yourself, is this the truth or is this only truth as I see it?

#60 Get In The Flow More Often

When you’re doing what you love and paying attention, time does not exist.  When you are doing what you hate and watching the clock, time is wasted.  1. Do what you love 2. Doing the necessary ask yourself ‘how can I make this moment count’?

#61 Change Your State

States of minds are not fixed.  They can change in a heartbeat.  Choose your states and if you recognise you are in an unproductive state, change it.

#62 Clarity and Focus

Contrary to opinion we cannot multi task and give all actions 100%.  We can do many tasks and reduce the success rate of that task.  This may be fine for small tasks that have become habitual and are unimportant (talking on the phone and making a coffee).  For larger plans with bigger outcomes, stay focused.

#63 See The Bigger Picture

When you are creating pictures of what you would like your future to be.  Start with the big picture.  Your brain likes to see the finished result, it can understand the larger picture much more than we give it credit.  Then break it down into ‘do-able’ and manageable ‘chunks’.

#64 Pay Yourself Compliments

It’s not bigheaded, it’s not arrogant.  You have the right to internalise what a great job you have done or are doing well.  You may be waiting for external approval.  It may never come.

#65 Get Passionate

Get paid doing something you love, or spend more time doing what you are passionate about.

#66 Practice, Practice, Learn More, Practice

It’s written that to become an expert takes 1,000 hours of practice.

#68 Learn These Secrets of Success

Secret 1 to Infinite:  There are no secrets.  None.  If you want success: define your definition, create a plan and go for it.

#69 Get Specific

When you say ‘they’ are like this, or ‘I am like that’, or  ‘that’s just me’, you’re generalising and distorting.  Making up your mind about the way things are without enough evidence.  When we generalise we miss vital pieces of information, be specific.

#70 End Procrastination

Do it or don’t.  Ask yourself why you aren’t doing what you know is good for you?  What are you achieving at this moment by doing nothing?

#71 Laugh at Yourself More Often

Not ridicule, but see yourself as this…‘human’.  Share laughter and humour.  There is nothing you cannot handle that is in your life right now.  You may not like it, but you can get through it.

#72 When In Overwhelm…

Take time out.  Stop and go and do something for you.  Speak to someone.  Regroup your thoughts. Overwhelm is stress-related.  We accomplish nothing of much value when in overwhelm.

#73 Reframe Events

We can place experience and how we feel about the event of the past into ‘boxes’, this can then create a ‘picture’ or generalisation of how we think all similar experiences are played out.  Change the frames.

#74 Dare Yourself to Dream Big

Everything starts its life as a seed: a thought, an idea, a picture of what could be.  Start your ideas, take initiative and make something of them.  Demand the best of your self, go for it.

#75 Treat Yourself to Living

There is a massive difference between life and living your life.  Turn off the television an hour every night and you’ll have an extra 15 days in a year.  Where else are you just in existence?

#76 Create Your Own Rules

Trust your own judgements, you are the expert of you.  You may have to follow the ‘rules’ others set once in a while.  Pursue and create what’s right for you, but remember all things are equal.

#77 When Things Don’t Go As Planned

Fall down 6 times, get up 7.  Plans are not the final outcome.  There is no proof that the journey you set sail on will be storm free.  Change your plans and direction as needed, life successes are setting sail in storms or calm seas.

#78 Swayed By The Minds of Others

When you start some of your new journeys there will be those that think you’re insane.  When you make progress there will be those that wish you’d turn back.  When you go further than anyone has been before you may be criticised.   When you reach the other shore you’ll be too far away to hear the comments anyway.

#79 Priorities

Rise and meet your own standards, not those of others.  Focus on the one main goal and commit to working on it every day.

#80 Follow The Course

Rivers run from source to sea, you however are limited to only seeing to the next bend.  What lies beyond may be uncertainty, but the sea is always reached in the end.

#81 Know Your Value

We all have value to add.  Life is strange; we don’t know our value when we begin.  Knowing you’re value, where you can contribute most builds and enhances self esteem.  Set out to add value.

#82 Beware of Energy Vampires

Do you have any ‘energy vampires’ in your life? Sucking at your soul, your dreams and aspirations? Depleting your reserves? Diminishing your goals? Time to make them extinct? Or at the very least find ways to protect yourself.

#83 Get Informed

Become a smart sponge to finding and getting the information that you need, ask the right questions. Soak up knowledge you need, wring out what you don’t.

#84 Choose Your Attitude

Your attitude is everything.    Many feel it is influenced by external events and influences.  How you decide to react is your choice.

#85 Create A Fire In Your Soul

You had it as a child; everything you did was filled with it.  It’s the ability to give you fully and with pleasure to a task, cause, belief, principle, and project.  It’s a burning so great nothing can stop you.  It’s the driving force; it motivates, inspires, and rises for you time and time again.  Enthusiasm.  Still got yours, for your life?

#86 The Don’t Know Game

Refuse to play it: you always know what you want.  How you want your life to be, what you want in it, what you want to create, what you want to cease.  Playing the ‘I don’t know’ is a sure fire way to giving up your personal power.  No matter how bizarre, far out there, frightening to admit to others, you do know.

#87 Reasons or Excuses

Decide if it’s a yes or a no, do it or don’t.  Reasons and excuses are readily available, if you want remarkable, decide.

#88 You Are Always Part of the Story

It’s sometimes easier to see ourselves as not part of the story.  Where there is a problem in your life, you are part of the story.  Ask yourself what part have you played?  How can you finish the ending?

#89 Deal With Criticism

There will be times when it comes your way.  You can accept or ignore, but listen with an open mind.  If it’s unjust and unfair see #15 and #17.  The more visible you are, the more you will have.

#90 Bounce Back Quicker

When hurdles and obstacles are in your way, there may be times when you didn’t see them coming or hear their approach and they knock you over.  You can get yourself of the path or you can learn the power behind resilience. 

#91 Full Accountability

In your mind you can create a ‘court’ where you can indict others and persecute them for the way things are in your life.  There may be events that were absolutely not your fault and should never have happened.  Swear to yourself from this moment forward, you are accountable for all that is happening.

#92 Equality

Do not set yourself up as someone better than those around you. It will not endear you to anyone and is bound to bring you heart­ache and misery.

#93 Responsibility

Responsibility is the skill of accepting 100% you are aware of the choices you are making and the consequences that come with them, are yours and yours alone.  #See 54

# 94 Inspire Others

Become the inspiration for another, no one knows when they are making a memory or creating a lasting change: a kind word, a compliment, a hug.  Small random acts of kindness can change an entire life course for another.

#95 Set In Your Ways?

You are the final product of your programming, conditioning, experience, and environment.  Your parents, peers, friends, teachers, and ancestry forced the most of which is upon you.  The rest is your own doing.  Some learn that their ‘ways’ are not theirs and start opening their mind to other suggestions.  Others accept ‘this is it’.  Which are you?

#96 Wakey Wakey Time to Rise

Is it time for you to awaken from a sleep that has lasted too long?  Practice at being fully aware of all and everything that is coming to you through your senses and instincts.  Our brains have a natural inbuilt ability to keep out millions of pieces of information on a daily basis.  It’s a safety mechanism: if you saw, felt, tasted, heard and smelt everything the noise would be unbearable.  When you open your ‘eyes’ fully, you may discover the possibilities and opportunities you thought only existed in dreams.

#97 Hollywood Star?

Stop getting upset about trivialities and petty annoyances. Act your age and do not behave like a temperamental movie star. No one has to bow to you or pay special attention to you: no matter how good your dramas are.

#98 When You Need Help, Ask

There is nothing wrong in asking for help or seeking support.  Self-help has developed a ‘school of thought’ that we have to do things all alone.  Wrong.  If you’re washing machine broke down, you probably wouldn’t ask a local car mechanic to fix it.  If you need help, get it.

#98 1/2 Get Support

Here!

Your Turn

What’s your No 1 simplicity tip to life change? A quote perhaps, what did it mean to you? A one-liner that someone said to you once and it stuck.

Affirmations Book 2 (A Little Gift)

Here’s a little something for you…’cause you’re worth it!

It’s the second collection of Affirmations (around 800 of them!) Free, and ready for you to download, share, pick apart, use, or give to someone else.

Don’t worry if you haven’t got the first collection, you don’t need to go tearing about the website, you’ll be sent that also.

What Are Affirmations?

Affirmations assist you to change, they equip you with new self talk.

They change the internal pictures, they describe what you want to move towards not what you are moving away from.

To really benefit: Affirmations are all about imprinting new pictures, reaffirming and reinforcement, and visualising the desired result.

Attaching a feeling to the affirmation is crucial.

Just repeating a sentence over and over, with no feeling or clear picture, won’t work. Yes, they are written as if they are happening now, this can be difficult to accept at first. It will become easier with practice (I promise).

This collection includes affirmations for:

  • positive thinking and motivation
  • health and wellbeing
  • money and finances
  • inner peace
  • love and relationships

To download the affirmations books, sign up for updates below and you’ll get instant access to all these and all the resources on the site.

 

 

 

Shy? Introvert? Inhibited? You Might Not Be…

Have you ever described yourself as shy, introverted, inhibited or timid?

Have people said to you “you’re far too sensitive, harden up?”

Do you feel completely overwhelmed and need to retreat in highly stimulating environments: those that are loud, bright, busy, full on?

Ever said…

‘I can’t cope in public’

‘I feel odd, it’s as if I don’t belong’

‘I lack confidence‘

‘Being around lots of people is too much, I just want to run’

Yes?

Here’s something that might interest you…

Have you heard of HSP (Highly Sensitive Person)?

I’m not a DR, an expert of HSP, or psychotherapist, and I’m not saying you should nip away and diagnose yourself. There are links at the end of the post to find out more from people more equipped than me.

A little background…

I’ve just finished reading  The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive & Survive When the World Overwhelms You by Dr Elaine Aron as a few weeks ago I had a friend come to visit who told me they were an HSP.

I’d heard of it, but never really dug deep,until now…

After listening to my chummy, nodding along and being really intrigued by what they were describing, I nipped online and completed Arons’ self test.

My score was high, v-e-r-y high. 22 out of 27 high!

According to Aron (Dr of Clinical Psychology) HSP is a personality trait and it’s a person with a very sensitive nervous system, people with HSP are simply more aware of and easily aroused by their surroundings.

HSP can also include: sensitivity to pain, easily startled, overwhelmed by loud, harsh, sudden sensory input i.e. bright lights, strong smells and scents. Aron described people with HSP as cautious and highly conscientious, extremely empathic (can pick up moods of others easily and knows what to do to change a mood), more cooperative  rather than competitive.

40 Years On and a Little Light

According to Aron people with the HSP personality trait are wrongly labelled shy, introvert, inhibited, timid.

In the self test (link at end), Aron asks you to ‘tick those that are true or are somewhat true for you’, such as:

  • Do you get easily overwhelmed with sensory input?
  • Do you need to remove yourself or private and relief from over stimulating environments and surroundings?
  • Do you get overwhelmed with strong smells, course fabrics, bright lights, noise?
  • Does loud noise make you uncomfortable?
  • Do you avoid violent TV shows and films?
  • Have people described you as shy and an introvert?
  • Are you conscientous?
  • When with people, do you know what needs to be done to make them more comfortable in the surroundings?

Even in that little lot big learnings for yours truly: I cannot stand violence of any sort. I walked out of Reservoir Dogs and a pile of other movies at the cinema, switch off the TV at any violence, crikey I used to hide behind pillows at ER!

Big lights in living spaces, are a serious no no for me. In fact any bright light, loud music, which would explain my refusal to go clubbing in my 20’s. Nature is important to HSP, being outdoors, space, which would explain this.

Certain materials on my skin make be feel sick, too much noise makes me retreat. I can even remember events where I deliberately removed myself out of social gatherings for half an hour, to get some space and return. Empathy, so much empathy it overflows, heck, I’m never done talking about empathy.

The arts are my past, having studied Drama and the Community Arts!

The biggest doubt to all this was I’d label myself an extrovert over introvert. Then in the book Aron states that 30% of HSPs are extroverts. Go figure.

Remember it’s not anything to do with being shy or inhibited, it’s sensory input and how it affects you.

So What, Why Care, Is it Worth You Digging More?

Well think about your career, have you ever experienced working in environment that really did leave you overwhelmed at the end of a day? All those people, no space or respite.

What if you network or attend conferences as part of your business, how do you feel when mingling and meeting so many people? Do you get to the point you just have to get out?

In the book Aron gives excellent advice for HSP on how to cope, manage and live with the overwhelm. So, I wanted to share it with you and I’ll let you decide if it’s useful or not.

I’m digging deeper, could this help someone who has all there life felt as if their was something wrong with them? Maybe.

If this has made sense to you and want to find out more, here’s a few links.

For Elaine Arons website click here

Peter Townsends Hub on Hubpages  – this is a great hub on HSP and he also has a blog here

Here’s a recent article on Psychology Today article on Sense and Sensitivity by Andrea Bartz

And if you just do a Google search on HSP or Highly Sensitive Person, you’ll get returned a pile of sites to check, including a few forums. I haven’t found much negative response, but remember to make up your own mind, stay open and ask your own questions.

Oh, and if you fancy taking the test here’s the link http://www.hsperson.com/test/

 

Your Turn

What do you know about HSP?

Do you know anyone with the diagnosis?

Are you an HSP? Feel free to share below, I’d really love to hear your view, opinion, knowledge or experience on this one. Oh, and if you know any great resources, let me know.

 

Videos to Inspire/Motivate/Make ‘Ya Think (Part 2)

Here’s part 2, click here to see the videos in part 1 and the reason behind the eclectic collection!

Give the page a little time to load because of the videos.

Enjoy!

 

13. Don McMillan: Life After Death by PowerPoint

Time 4:25

This makes me laugh everytime, don’t do it!

14. Nigel Marsh – How To Make Life Balance Work

Time 13:15

Does life/work/balance exist? Should it be balance/life/work?

15. I Am Movie (Official)

Time 2:30

There’s an advert right at the start, give it time to play.

16. A Life Lesson from a Volunteer Fire Fighter – Mark Bezos

Time 4:41

Short and sweet. Very inspiring.

17. Jim Rohn

Time 6:38

Jim Rohn passed away in 2009, but his work is very much available, click here to visit official site.

18. Are You Waiting a Day – Jim Rohn

Time 1:29

Another from J Rohn.

19. Disney Pixar Up – Married Life

Time 4:21

I’m not sure if this is the saddest start to any Disney film, so many messages.

20. Obvious To You Amazing to Others

Time 1:55

Derek Sivers visit his site here.

22. Dare-Change

Time 1:28

Love this…step forward. One step is all it can take to push through fears.

23. Brene Brown – The Power of Vulnerability

Time 20:50

Vulnerability – we all feel it. Visit B Brown here.

24. The Tale of Mere Existence – Procrastination

Time 1:19

Simple and yet very clever.

 

Your Turn: Do you have any favourites? Please feel free to share them in the comments below.

PS: No dodgy links please, they will be deleted.

Videos to Inspire/Motivate! (Part 1)

(Give page a couple of seconds to load — there are 12 videos!)

Okay here’s the first of many for you to watch…

Why such a bizarre collection?

See, I’ve just moved our Facebook page (to visit click here), the old page was filled with lovely links to videos posted over the past 11 months — thought I would pop them all in a couple of blog posts for you.

Now, there isn’t one particular theme, they all complimented a facebook status update at one point. So, if at any stage you think ‘eh, what’s that in here for?’, remember it did make complete sense one day over on the Facebook page!

So in no particular order here you are…

 

1. Where Good Ideas Come From Steven Johnson

Time: 4:07 minutes

Watch out for the idea of the ‘slow hunch’ – sometimes it can take a few years for an idea to come together!

Steven Johnson Website and this book is one I recommend Mind Wide Open: Your Brain and the Neuroscience of Everyday Life

2. The Secret Powers of Time

Time: 10:09 minutes

Are you present? Do you live in the past or the future? Are you future-orientated? Do you trust that it all will work out? Professor Philip Zimbardo conveys how our individual perspectives of time affect our work, health and well-being. Visit website.

3. The Empathic Civilisation

Jeremy Rifkin investigates the evolution of empathy and the profound ways that it has shaped our development and our society.

4. Deepak Chopra The Wonder of You

Time: 1:03 minutes

5. Steve Jobs 2005 Stanford Commencement Address

Time: 15:05 minutes

Mr ex-Apple man. :-)

6. Comedy – Bob Newhart Skit

Time: 6:16 minutes

Oh, if only it were this easy! Maybe it can be? Nah, we’re more complex.

7. Andy Andrews – 50 Parental Sayings

Time: 2:01 minutes

Don’t know about you but I heard them all growing up – this is a funny.

8. The World Is Stuck What Are You Waiting For?

Time: 2:41 minutes

One of my favs. It’s such a great metaphor of how we stay stuck and wait for someone to rescue us! Options all around.

9. A Life Story In Five Chapters – Gary Ryan Blair

Time: 1:44 minutes

If we do the same things over and over…

10. Mindfulness with Jon Kabat-Zinn

Time: 72 minutes

Visit website here.

11. Maya Angelou – And Still I Rise

Time: 2.52 minutes

Sit back and enjoy.

12. It’s A Wonderful Life – The Ending

Time: 5.56 minutes

Yeah, so this one was posted on the page at Crimbo. Enjoy!

Want more? Click here to see Part 2

Feel free to add your favourites in the comments below.

On The Loss of a Pet. Dear You, I’ve Wanted to Write This for Such a Long Time

I know, the title doesn’t belong in here. Maybe not at first glance.

To be really honest it’s been in my head for about a year, and then sitting in my drafts for about a month, and it’s almost been deleted a couple of times. I know the ‘blogging’ rules:  don’t talk about death, ah well.

But just today I learned that a friend had to put their cat to sleep after 19 years together.

So, this is for you and them.

(Started 4th July)

I’ve a real urge to write this today. Sometimes when I sit down to write the mind hooks on a thought and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

I’m not sure if it’s after a conversation on Facebook the other evening about a pet therapy dog called Dexter.

Or because a friend has been told by their vet ‘it may be time to start thinking about what’s really best for…’, in other words: it’s time for you to make that so-called humane but completely inhuman decision about your dogs life.

Maybe it was the guy I spoke to, just a stranger, out walking his new puppy last night who started crying whilst explaining he needed another dog as he went to pieces, losing his best friend in the world two months ago.

Perhaps the truth is it’s nearly two years to the day when I lost Maya and I’m just plain old feeling it. And for some reason all these little events are happening, who knows, does it matter?

That Which I Feared, Is Now Upon Me

Even as I write this I’ll cry and new doggie may glance at me and adopt the, ‘Here we go again, Maya this, Maya that‘ look, and I’ll put aside the thoughts that at some point I’m going to visit this experience again at least five times in the future.

One of my biggest fears was the day when Maya would no longer be in my life.

Out of all of lives fears, that was mine. I don’t know about you, but I would shake my head when the thoughts popped up and shivered telling myself not to go there.

Lesson: Life is weird, it always presents us with what we fear most at somepoint huh?

Nothing prepared me for the loss.

Nothing.

The pain was excruciating, unbearable, it ripped at my core.

That may sound dramatic. I know that.

Maybe it doesn’t to you? Maybe that’s why I’m writing this, I keep saying pet bereavement is so misunderstood, it is, really, it is.

So, this is not a here’s what you must do and this is how you are going to feel at different stages speech.

See, I didn’t cope well.

Look what I ‘do’ for a living, I’m supposed to cope well. I didn’t eat properly for a month and I didn’t sleep a full night for at least two. I would wake up, go outside and just sob. I couldn’t work, I couldn’t understand why the whole world wasn’t as upset, bothered or cared as much.

I couldn’t understand why they didn’t see her life as valuable like what I did.

I didn’t understand why the people closest to me would assume me to be ‘okay’ after a couple of weeks.

But they didn’t live with her for 13 and half years, 24/7.

Oh She Had a Good Life

When Maya passed away I was delivered, perhaps like you, the oh she had a good life, she lasted well, it’s not the same as a human bereavement, that is much worse and other standard one liners.

Today, I’ll still question that if you don’t mind. Here’s why…

If there is anything my line of work has taught me is I can’t judge or pass comment on what one person puts more value on than another. I just don’t have that right. Nobody does.

If people are saying these things to you, forgive them.

They are usually delivered because they don’t know what to say. Many people can’t cope at times of human bereavement and they may not even begin understand why losing a pet carries the same grief.  Forgive them.

They probably never will understand. That’s not blaming them or judging them.You need to grieve, not worry about the opinions of others.

But there are people that you can surround yourself with, which I didn’t know of at the time (see the end of the post) who will understand your pain and loss.

Personally, losing Maya was worse than any human bereavement I have experienced.

That’s really difficult to write and admit, because I know some may read it and think that a) I have never lost a human being close to me, which I have and b) that I can’t compare the loss of a pet with the loss of human.

It’s just my truth.

You may feel that same guilt, about not feeling the same way towards a human loss as you do your pet. I’m, kind of, smiling. Let’s face it, there aren’t many humans in our life who’ll never grumble at being in our company 24/7, or that we give them permission to sit at the end of the bath, while we’re in it, watching us soap up.

There aren’t many two legged beings, which will dive on us as soon as we enter a room, leave a room or just sit in a room.

Not many humans will instantly spot danger and growl to warn us, lick away tears or miss us, even for a minute.

So forgive yourself.

Give yourself permission to grieve over the loss, and there is no comparison between human and animal bereavement, a pet passing triggers the same feelings as human, the cause is different, the emotional responses aren’t.

If it’s stronger for your pet, then so it is.

Funny, I used the word ‘passing’, it’s such a gentle word huh?

It gives the picture and visual of moving gentle along, like swans on midnight moonlit lakes or passing clouds, drifting in and out, silently. And yet we both know different, the words that are used generally aren’t gentle when it comes to a pet and their death, they are awful. And perhaps that’s where the misunderstanding begins, there are no emotions attached to these words.

Put to sleep. Euthanasia. Lay Down. Put Out its Suffering and Misery. Destroyed.

Maya died at home, in my lap, 3.am on a Monday morning. There was no one else around except the other animals in the household. From the time I noticed she wasn’t herself until that morning was 5 days.

She got tired.

It was her heart.

She started to lie down in strange places, knowing she wasn’t ‘herself’, I took her to the vets and they told me her heart was beating 5 times as fast as it should, leave her for x-rays.

Picking her up they said ‘she has heart failure‘. They didn’t say how long she had, whether she would get better, they said leave her a week and bring her back in. (I think a little anger still resides there!)

Sunday, she deteriorated, so fast. Call to the emergency vet, and I was told to up her drugs. She picked up.

Then at 2am, I was sitting with her on my knee in the garden, begging her to get better but she was exhausted.

It was just time.

I made the decision to ask the vet to come to the house and give the jags with the lethal barbiturates that would ultimately stop her heart beating, I was going to kill my dog.

Yes, I know some may say it’s ‘the gift we can give our pets’…

Yes, the logical part of my brain got that, my emotional brain didn’t.

Coping With Unnatural Decisions

I’m sure we all wish and hope that our pets will pass away in their sleep, that the choice will be theirs, not ours.

Just gently drifting off, but the reality is usually very different. I don’t know about you but I battled and fought like crazy, to do everything to prolong a life, so that they could be in mine just a little longer.

Coming to the decision is incredibly painful, and confusing, we know as human being ‘taking another’s life’ is just plain wrong, we’re taught that from a very young age.

I know that teaching refers to another human beings life, however when it comes to our pets, it can feel like we are ‘taking it’. It’s unnatural. It’s not an everyday choice or decision.

If you had to, or have to make that choice, know that. It is not natural. What you did, or sadly have to do is not a choice we make every day in life, it’s very rare.  You have no point of reference. You won’t know what to feel.

Maya had other plans. She went in her own time. She didn’t wait for the vet.

Like we will do at the end, she lost all control of her bodily functions, as I held her, us both covered in her urine, sick and excrement, she looked at me and gasped, exhaled, eyes still fixed, and exhaled again for a long time, for the last time.

In that moment, there was no pain or fear.

She went. Her body remained. But she was gone.

The pain begins…

Was she in pain? Did she suffer? Did I do the right thing? Why did I not call the vet sooner?

So much guilt. And the guilt is all part of the process of grief.

Then…why just 5 days? Did the vets make a mistake? Who can I blame? Why didn’t I see anything sooner.

So much anger. And that too is part of the process.

When’s The Right Time to Let Go?

You’ll know.

With every fibre of my being, I promise you’ll know. And it won’t be your decision. Your pet will ‘tell’ you. For non-pet owners (if you’re still here), that may be hard to understand. It’s not a sixth sense or strange phenomenon.

Those 5 days before Maya died I was like a mad woman, determined that I would do everything to make her better. Phone calls to specialists, visits to vet hospitals, research into her condition, second opinions, emails to America asking for advice from the ‘top’ cardiac vets.

She was going to get better. It wasn’t her time, but the truth was it wasn’t my time; I wasn’t ready to let her go.

Helpless, would be the word I would use.

She got worse and there was nothing I could do, I had no power or control over what was happening, nothing was preventing the inevitable.

Coping With the Pain Today

The last thing I’m going to say to you is ‘time is a healer’ or ‘it’ll get better’.

When you lose a pet, or any form of grieving, time doesn’t play out as it usually does. 

It’ll get better, it might, but again what gives anybody any right to say this is how it’s going to be for you in the future?

I know I only have my own personal experience, however for me (and I know now, many others) the loss is made worse by the misunderstanding.

The pain is raw.

It hurts, bad.

In the initial days and weeks, it roots itself deep. It ‘feels’ like life will never ever be the same again.

And that is true, it won’t. It will be different.

Any permanent goodbye is going to change your life. Any goodbye where you played a part will change you.

Even when a two legged being passes, the support is generally available.

Not everyone you know will have met your pet. So you may not know what to do with the grief and pain.

Does the Pain Go?

Ah, have you heard of the Stages of Grief, psychotherapist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in her book On Death and Dying, she proposed there were five stages:

Denial – (my crazed moments, this can’t be happening)

Anger – (why now, how can it be 5 days etc)

Bargaining – (I’ll give anything to have her live 5 more years)

Depression – (days not eating, not sleeping)

Acceptance – (I can write here now about Maya)

Here’s my addition:

Time, ignore it; time only exists because we have clocks. Grieve hard. Allow it to go through all the stages, in your own time.

For me, I prefer to think of the stages as a circle. There are some days when the memories occur, or something triggers an emotion and before I know I’m having a sob. It’s only because I miss her, missing your pet is allowed. Today, tomorrow, 10, 20 years from now.

Think About Everything in Your Life Where Your Pet Was Attached

I miss her because Maya and I shared our lives for 13 and half years, she was the constant in my life.

She was ‘there’ during homelessness, the loss of grandparents, shitty relationships, breakups. I was 25 when she arrived, and 38 when she died.

I didn’t think twice about the 4k pet bill to fix her legs.

She was a pet therapy dog, there for others when their end was near. She came to work with me, she only needed to sit next to someone for two minutes before they were leaning in to her taking what they needed.

She was a only a dog. But she was my dog.

Through this bloody awful time I learnt a huge lesson about living:

  • It’s short.
  • There are times when the external world will leave us helpless, with no control, no power.
  • We can’t change events that are inevitable.
  • We can’t change the minds of people who don’t want to change their minds.
  • That what we fear most usually has to be faced at somepoint.
  • There are lessons in the worst moments.
  • There are moments, when ‘life on our terms’ is not possible.

 

Please leave with one thing, all around the world there are people who know the pain you are feeling.

They can’t help you with yours. They know it’s personal.

We know you’ll have to find your own way.

We won’t rush you.

We won’t talk about rainbow bridges or running free, we know they sound good, we secretly hope that they are real, we just want you to know that your pet mattered to us.

Okay?

Please feel free to share below

 

If you need to reach out (no matter how long ago it was) here’s a few links:

Association for Pet Loss and Animal Bereavement, they also have a Facebook page.

In the UK there is the Blue Cross Pet Bereavement Support, Animal Samaritans Pet Bereavement Support and EASE for support during anticipated pet loss.

Books: Wallace Sife The Loss of a Pet