You’re Not Angry, You Just Need a Hug. Now!

Virginia Satir (Psychotherapist) said that you, me, everyone needs:

• 4 cuddles every single day for survival
• 8 cuddles a day for maintenance and at least
• 12 cuddles for growth and development

(But she used hugs, not cuddles.)

How many have you managed to squeeze in today?

How many have you given away?

Did you know that scientists say human touch (including hugs) is essential to the health and well being of your emotional, physical, mental health and development?

Everybody needs a hug.  It changes your metabolism.  ~Leo Buscaglia

Although part of how this evidence was found by Rene Spitz in the 1930’s and then Harry Haslow 1950’s (link to a youtube video.),  would be completely unethical and (I think) bordering sociopathic.

Spitz really went for it, he took two groups of children the first group (30 children) were from an orphanage and they were deprived of any physical contact or touch for the first two years of their life. The second group were given unlimited touch by their mothers.

From the children in the orphanage only 2 could walk and talk. 

Haslow (not convinced, obviously, of the findings) did the same experiment with monkeys in the 50’s.

What’s Happened to Genuine Human Touch?

We’re not talking here about sexual contact, or touch that is manipulative, detrimental, abusive or coersive in any way.

I don’t discriminate – I’m an equal-opportunity hugger.  ~Author Unknown

Sadly though, is it perhaps those exact acts that have made us wary of the giving and receiving of human touch and contact.

• When someone last bumped into you by accident, how did you feel?
• Have you ever felt uncomfortable as some touched your arm?
• Has the touch of another human being soothed you and comforted you?
• Have you shivered and wriggled at an unwelcomed touch or contact?
• Have you thought ‘what do they want?’ as someone has placed a genuine touch on your shoulder?

I’m not naive, I know that their are certain circumstances and occupations where human touch is unacceptable.

And I’m not suggesting we all have to start Cuddle Support Groups (although?), or Hug Festivals.

I’m agreeing that the craving for human touch is all of us, it’s a human need. A daily requirement.

Abraham Maslow stated in his Heirarchy of Needs that we all have (Social) Belonging and Love Needs, that we all have the need to give and to receive affection and love, that we have roots, that we belong, that we have intimacy, human contact and warmth.

That we ALL have them. No one is excluded from that.

In the name of science, let’s have a little experiment…

Okay, using a scale of 1 – 10, 10 being ‘scar-eee’ and 1 being ‘perfectly okay’. Are you able to rate the following with honesty?

How would you feel about walking across a hot bed of coals burning at 1200 degrees+ farenheit?

How would you feel about offering and accepting a full scale cuddle with a complete stranger?

Think about it.

Just for a second.

You meet someone for the first time and you touch, getting up close and personal.

Not a quick tap on the back, or one of those ‘rub a dub dub’ up the spine ‘get off me now’ things. No, a full blown cuddle, one that you’d give your best friend, at the airport, before they emigrated across the world.

Or walk on fire.

Here’s the feedback to those two questions above after a real firewalk, during the debrief, always over 85% of the room say that the one interaction with another human being (lasting about 3 seconds) was more scary and frightening than the hot foot across the coals.

Words used have been ‘weird, awkward, out of place, out my comfort zone, embarassed, ashamed’ and a few others: ‘shy, bright red, nervous, weird, uncomfortable’.

Can you relate to that?

How they feel, those beliefs around human contact, interaction and touch are there long before they get into the seminar room.

But the fact is that’s how they feel.

Your Turn

What do you think? Human touch overrated? Needed? Survive without? Please feel free to comment below.