Small towns in Scotland have something called Gala Days, usually held on the wettest days in Summer.
If you watch Downton Abbey or Midsomer Murders, think a Crawley garden party without the victoria sponge cake and servants, or the never ending village fetes Joyce Barnaby attends, but with no murder.
Our tiny village had a Gala Day. Well, we had a shared day with the other village 2 miles away otherwise it would just have been a few folk in a field on a wet afternoon jumping in sacks.
The night before the official Day of the Gala there was always a Fancy Dress Competition (part of Gala week celebrations) for the whole community to enjoy.
1981, night before the big Gala Day, one hour before the judging started, my best friend and I decided we would enter.
We rushed home and informed my parents.
Met with the, ‘Are you having a laugh? It starts in 50 minutes!’ from my Mum, my Dad was up and out his chair and away on the hunt for a costume or two. He’s like that my Dad, he’s one of those people who can make a picnic table from two hangers and shed roof. So two fancy dress costumes were a breeze to him.
30 minutes later we were standing in over sized black and grey suits (stapled up at the trouser hem to save us tripping over and breaking our necks), black waist coats, black ties, white shirts and a couple of bowler hats, and we were informed we were going as Laurel and Hardy.
‘I’ll be the skinny one’ my friend cried. Followed with her pouting her mouth, scratching her head and starting to pretend cry.
I instantly got shoe polish attacked by my mother as she smudged a mustache on my face, ’cause the fat one had hair fuzz.
We were then handed a tin of shaving foam and a few paper plates from a left over birthday party, told to make pretend pies and throw them in each others faces at the end.
All the way to the hall we practiced our moves: a dance, the banging into one other, the head tilts, the looks, the slapstick.
All was well.
High spirits. Confident. Laughing. Courageous. In the zone.
But,
When we arrived at the hall our confidence dwindled rapidly.
Superman was there. Greek Goddesses in their taffeta/net curtains. One kid was a cat (made out of furry car seat covers) with impeccable meowing. Dorothy from Oz in the room clicking her red (tap) shoes. Egyptian Pharaohs (let down I feel by the tea towel head dress), and a wheen of others, including the token kid-Robot dressed in boxes which were wrapped in tin foil.
Our bubble was burst.
They looked amazing.
We looked like two kids in bowler hats and over sized suits.
The one in hair bunches and red tap shoes asked us, ‘Who are you meant to be?’
We talked about just leaving it.
Going home.
Towel in.
What’s the point? We’ll never win! Look at everyone else, they are so good! This was a stupid idea!
10 years old and already we had learned how to fail before even starting.
‘Let’s just have fun! We’ve got shaving foam!’ I said.
Decision made.
On we went.
We looked terrible but the dance, the slap stick, the movement, we went for emphasising the positives.
Everything worked a treat. People laughed. We owned the space (school hall).
It was one of those nailed it experiences.
Until the end.
Shaving foam of the 80’s wasn’t so gentle on the skin. Part blinded, part covered in hives we needed to have an eye bath and wash our faces. Mrs P, the Janitor guided us to the room that doubled in school hours as a first aid room and a tuck shop for some ablutions.
What the hell has this got to do with you, your courage, your confidence, your life, your business, your career?
Lots.
You must stop thinking that you aren’t good enough for what you really want to do.
I really mean, stop being the person that goes so far with their ideas and plans, sees a hurdle and then quits.
I really mean, to acknowledge that you have the right to be in the room along with everyone else.
And what I really want to say is, unlearn already failed thinking just because you have a challenge to face you didn’t expect or even see when you started.
Make a Decision
Then, make another decision that whatever comes up you will solely focus on your own stuff. Even if you don’t feel ‘dressed’ for the part yet.
What others are up to is none of your business.
This is especially important in careers and business. Sometimes you can feel like the ‘kid in a stapled costume’, not good enough compared to ‘Dorothy in her gingham dress’.
So many people look outside themselves and think that others are more capable, ready, have a right to be there and they make up their minds they don’t.
As soon as you decide, you will start to see things you didn’t see before. Why is that? Because you’ve simple made a decision to focus. You are going to bring into your awareness all the things that always been there but they weren’t important for you to pay attention to them.
Emphasise the Positives
My friend and I looked stapled.
But we did know the slapstick. We knew how to engage with people (although we wouldn’t have said that at age 10), we made people laugh.
Do I mean play to your strengths?
Sort of. Example, say you are going for a new career gig and you don’t have one of the things asked for by those hiring. But you know you could learn it fast. If in a scenario like that explain the time when you did learn fast and the outcome, and then go on to say why being able to learn fast would benefit that company in the long term.
Quit focusing on what you don’t have, and look at what you can do now.
Stop thinking that others are better because of who they are and where they have been, you are allowed to get into the arena.
Redefine Perfect
Oh-oh. The old perfectionism one. I remember the above experience as being a complete shambles – and lots of things since.
If you can’t move forward with your own stuff because you are so worried about how you look, how you come across, or if what you are doing is perfect enough, may I recommend that you take some time to redefine perfect.
Perfect is a creativity killer.
You know that already. But when are you going to get it?
It becomes a problem when you’re constantly in not ready or good enough yet thinking.
Allow yourself the risk to be imperfect.
The risk is this: what you actually end up creating compared to the idea you first had may not match each other 100%.
You never know, risky as it seems, it may turn out 100% better than you could ever have thought up.
That’s the risk. And it’s a good one.
Own Your Space
- I have the right to be here.
- I belong.
- I am worthy.
- I show up for myself.
- I stand up for myself.
I did a little digging around Google for own your space, and many articles speak about owning a physical space around yourself, a zone if you like, an imaginary circle around you that belongs to you, where you are mighty powerful.
I don’t mean that exactly.
A quick story. A few years ago I was in London visiting a friend. Out at the street market one day (yep, like the film Notting Hill) we stood aside onto the pavement as a funeral possession passed by.
Leading the show was a woman in a red coat, long fitting dress, hair jet black pinned back off her face.
Unusual because I had never seen a woman in this role before, and also because she completely owned her space.
Striking. Captivating. I remember her holding my breath. She did own her physical space. But there was something else.
And it took me a long time to work it out ad put my finger on it.
She nailed it. I am sorry, pardon the funeral pun.
Confident in her role. Completely at ease. Powerful. Serious because of the content. In control. Belonged to that possession. Safe.
Own your space. Own your thinking. And do both of those by owning your state of mind.
We were kids in bowler hats. But (unknowingly at the time) we owned the space. Have you ever felt that? A time when you felt completely comfortable, confident and centred in your skin and in your thinking at the same time?
That’s what I mean. Own your space – inside out.
How? Start in every situation you find yourself in. Even the supermarket queue. Breathe.
Tell yourself you are ‘in the right place, at the right time’. Breathe into it.
Ask yourself, ‘What state am I in?’ and if you don’t like it change it by choosing a different state. How? Change your mind. Choose again.
PS: We won. First prize. £1 in a little brown envelope. And then went on to win Overall Prize, £2 in another little brown envelope.
PPS: If you aren’t thinking of entering a fancy dress soon, but you do want to learn how to reclaim your confidence and courage (make better decisions, own your space, redefine perfect, emphasis your positive and more) The Moxie Project (6 week course with group coaching£147) starts on November 4th, you can read all about and sign up here.
A lesson in attachment, please observe Exhibits A & B:
