Dawn Barclay

Helping you align all that you do with your core values

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Is Saying Sorry Enough?

(Unless of course you’re apologising for things that aren’t your fault, but we’ll get to that another day.)

“A stiff apology is a second insult…. The injured party does not want to be compensated because he has been wronged; he wants to be healed because he has been hurt.” ~G.K. Chesterton

This is more a ‘whatdoyouthinkkinda’ post, feel free to comment at the end.

If you don’t mind, I’ll start with giving you some background and yes, you’re more than welcome to take sides.

Here’s what happened…

Shopping - Ecstasy
I actually don't do this in shops, I wish I could, how exciting.

What started as a pleasant trip for the ‘big weekly shop’ with the beloved, turned into two days of not speaking.

Okay, even I’m cringing a little, we sound like some completely dysfunctional couple, who live in a permanent state of anger (we don’t, events like these are rare and usually we are good at accepting the fact we have wronged or hurt each other, and will say so), what happened?

Well…

We got separated, we eventually caught up with each other in aisle 25 (we last made contact at aisle 2!), around 45 minutes later!

(Start taking sides…NOW!)

I did hear a scream of ‘WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?’, I actually looked around with the other shoppers, catching their eye and similar thoughts passing between us ‘who the hell are they talking too’!

It continued: ‘DAAAWWWNNN’. By which point, folks in the healthy eating ailse had ‘clocked’ I was Dawn, even without a name badge.

Now, we all have those little trigger buttons, that is one of mine, instantly I was in anger mode. How dare they scream at me, especially in a shop.

I did whisper this to them, through clenched teeth I admit, and I got the reply ‘well, you always do this’.

Oh! DO I? Really?

My reply was ‘I’ll wait in the car’.

Never ruin an apology with an excuse. ~Kimberly Johnson

Two days later, yep, two DAYS (after visitors had left, you know when you have to pretend ‘all is hunky dory here’ and you talk as if nothing is wrong in front of the guests) they said:

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have screamed like that at you (long pause) but (me: grr)I just need you to know how angry I was”

Me: “Maybe you should stop there”

It’s such a trivial event, why would something that unimportant matter? I mean, we’ve apologised for worse.

So, I’ve been thinking…

When it comes to saying we’re sorry, does the context matter?

If an apology is required, there is no doubt that pain has been inflicted somewhere.

Why do we apologise for some of our misdemeanors quicker than others?

For the scenario above, ego was involved, and of course we both have been pissed with each other in the past, as we wasted about 30 minutes looking for each other, so that event had a little ‘here we go again’ attached.

But the act of saying sorry, why do we struggle to say it and send flowers and write poems instead?

And, why do we accept apologies when we know they aren’t really sincere?

I don’t know about you, but I was brought up to say sorry, a lot.

Crikey, my sister and I were never done apologising to each other, would have saved a lot of our parents time just adding on I’m sorry to the bedtime prayers at the end of the day ‘Amen, oh, and I’m sorry’!

Is Saying Sorry Enough?

I’ve started this paragraph about twenty times, I mean if the Prime Minister of the UK says ‘I’m sorry about Iraq’ or the Pope can say ‘sorry for child abuse’ what does a sorry actually mean?

Is sorry a poor excuse for not being able to act like a compassionate human being?

The ‘get out of guilt’ free card?

What do you think?

I’d love your thoughts, leave a comment below.

Photo Credit: David Brackwell

7 Ways to Piss People Off Using Facebook for Business

Facebook and business are a great mix. Used with respect, it allows for conversation, connection, relationships.

It give your ‘liker’ a chance to get to know you, and it gives you a great opportunity to share and really listen.

However, here’s ‘7 Ways to Piss People Off Using Facebook for Business’

And yes, it’s common!

1. Tagging Everyone In Your Sales Visual, Then Again, Then Again, Then Again…

I know you want to everyone to see what you’re putting out, but just uploading a visual of your sales message and then tagging everyone three times is downright rude. Worse is not even adding a message to why you’re tagging them.

2. Inviting People to Find You Bunnies, Crops or ‘Eat at Their Cafe’

If you’re goal is to establish yourself as a trusted expert for your business activities, this won’t work. Keep your personal and business activites separate. How? Set up different lists and use them when posting status updates.

3. Only Blatant Self Promotion

Mix it up, give good content, share useful information. There is a balance.

4. The Like Me Like Me Like Me Updates

Just posting ‘like my page’ is a bit rude, worse is talking about it once a day. Give people a reason to come and like you.

i.e. “Friends, I’ve set up a business page on FB, I would love you to join me. I’ll be sharing (fill in the blank) and offering (fill in the blank).  Or share your page update to your personal wall every now and then.

5. Posting the Same Message from Twitter, Ping, Hootsuite, RSS, 3 Blogs and On and On and On

Automation is fantastic, but not when you’ve perhaps set up so many different accounts that they are all posting the same message 5x plus.

Also, did you know that automatically posting Facebook ‘hides’ posts. Don’t believe me?

Here…

6. Well!

Eh? Uh? Precisely, cryptic messages are darn annoying. Leaves people going ‘uh, eh’?

7. Lazy Way to Updating

Automated updates 24/7, 365 are noticeable. Why not visit Facebook and take part in the conversation? Plus, Facebook adds more weight to posts and updates that are added manually. This is really noticeable by people that post ‘quotes’, seriously you can get away with it Twitter — but Facebook?


Lessons from Indiana Jones

Well, it ‘s the holidays and the TV listings are full of action packed adventures to keep the little ones happy!

The scene I’m taking about is at the very end of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (the one with Sean Connery). Not seen it? Here’s a trip to YouTube. :-)

So, ‘Indie’ has made it to the last quest, standing at the edge of a ravine, the perception is there is no way to cross to the cliff on the other side, in his hands are clear instructions of what he has to do, and written are the words ‘with a leap of faith’.

He leaps (well steps, and the film is a lot more dramatic), he steps of the cliff and underneath his feet is a path straight to the other side of the canyon.

The path was there all along, he just couldn’t see it.

What on earth can we learn from this little Hollywood Blockbuster?

Simple, actually it’s so simple, it’s too easy.

Sometimes, especially in our small businesses we stand at the edge of imaginary cliffs, or at the point of great opportunities and we don’t move for fear, especially when we can’t see the whole picture or the perception is we may fall.

Stop being afraid and leap!

Foolish? A little risky?

If others have done it before you, there is nothing to say you can’t do it now — leaps of faith people, leaps of faith.

Faith being your trust and belief in what you are creating.

Overcoming The Hit Send Fear

Here’s the problem…

Solo biz owner realises that they need build their list.

Solo biz owner then adds a little email form to their website so that they can offer visitors a way to connect further.

Solo biz owner gets people saying ‘yes, please, tell me more from time to time’.

Scared Solo biz owner never gets back in touch. They are scared to send anything. Scared that people may unsubscribe. Scared that people may not like what they have to say and offer.

And so on.

As solo biz owners we all know the importance of ‘the list’.

Some spend a fortune on learning how to ‘build their list’ and then they don’t do anything with it!

Is that you?

If you have a great offer or message, you know that what you do can change a person life or circumstances and you are scared to tell them, what does that say about you, not them?

What a waste!

Either you don’t believe in your own message and service or what, are you scared they may unsubscribe from your list? Are you worried you may offend them? Are you going to embarass yourself? Do you think you communicate to much?

Let’s get a huge handle on this.

If you’ve subscribers or a list, and you know they have deliberately signed up (opt-in) because they wanted to hear from you, for goodness sake talk to them.  They aren’t going to talk back to you unless you open the conversation.

And yes, every time you send an email, write a Facebook update, send out a newsletter (online or off) there will be some people who then decide that they don’t want to continue a relationship with you.

Say thank-you and let them go! If they ever want to return, they will.

Sure you’ll be sorry to see them go, you may even be upset when you read the email from your server saying ‘Unsubscribe’, and you may be left with thoughts such as ‘what did I do wrong?’, ‘why have they unsubscribe?’, ‘what have I done to annoy them?’

Nothing.  Yes, your message may not be interesting enough for them, they may not like what they read, they could be having a bad day, you may be boring, they may not like the color of the fonts you used…unless they specifically give you feedback you’ll never know.

You may be thinking you sent your best work, and still you get a few unsubscribes.

You cannot be all and everything to everyone, which is why you must hit ‘send’, you must, no holding back.

You’ll be much happier knowing that the people who are reading your messages still want to hear from you.  The people that don’t were never ever going to purchase your services anyway.  They need to be released in order to let the people you want to work with be there.

Hit the SEND button!

Oh, and if unsubsribes really hurt that much. Set up your email account to send all unsubscribe messages to your deleted items folder. That way you’ll never see them.

Tired? Take the Time Out You Need

Cats: Zen Masters!

Living the Dream, just living the dream!

Some days it’s a battle, owning a business can have you running on empty.

Remember Roadrunner cartoons, when he’s trying to pick up speed and all that’s happening is a rather bizarre spin of his legs?

Or a nightmare, when you’re trying to get away and you can’t move.

We can all have days like that, you ain’t alone! Read that twice!

Seriously, do you honestly believe that everyone else in the world are marvellous days, with no strain, tiredness, guilt at not spending time on other things?

Hell no! You aren’t alone!

Something as simple as the internet not playing ball, or trying to write a blog post when you have lost all use of your native tongue can really throw you around.

Okay, what can you do?

Well, you can decide to call it a halt for the day or you can ignore how you really feel mentally and physically and pretend to be working as you haul your laptop to Starbucks or you can take a break!

Look, just because your gone solo, doesn’t mean you have added angelic wings, or you have made yourself invisible to the general ups and downs of life.  If your having bad months — then you perhaps got a problem.

But a bad day or two? Come on.

Okay, answer this truthfully, when did you last take a day off?

When did you last do something for you?

A day catching up with email, writing or creating a Facebook page, surfing the net is not a day off, that’s probably more ‘things I like to do‘ when things aren’t going to plan.  I mean a day doing nada, when did you last have a day with nothing to do with your business. Or a weekend? No email, Facebook, Twitter, or even talking about business?

Why is it important?

1. You get a new perspective

You can’t expect to work, work, work and have no thinking time.  Walk away for 24 hours (48 would be better!) — everything will be still there when you return. ‘Oh, but I can’t’, sure you can, if you can’t walk away for one day, you’re a slave of by your own design — something has to shift.

2. Take care of the caretaker

You may be what I call a ‘Saint Solo-er’, you’ve got yourself some yuckie virus there.

If you’ve ever been ill or knew 100% that you needed to take some time, and yet you BS everyone, more importantly yourself, with ‘oh I would love to have some time, but I can’t, I need to keep going’ or say ‘you don’t understand, it’s only me’. You’ve seriously got your priorties mixed up.

May I remind you that nobody is going to say to you ‘well done sport, for keeping on going, you’re a trooper’.

Take the time you need. That’s not that same by the way, as take time out when you know you’re just procastinating.

Or don’t.  But I can almost guarantee, carry on, you’ll lose the plot!

This is not a hobby! It’s business. You have to be healthy.

3. You are not your business!

Now, I know some of you will be defining yourself by what you ‘do’, but you aren’t your business. You have defined it, it has not defined you.

Your business is part of your life, not the whole sum. ‘Oh but it’s everything to me‘, I hear you cry, if that’s you, why on earth are you making yourself ill to operate something that you love?

Think about that?  If you let yourself get seriously ill, who will have the reins then?

If taking time for you freaks you out, start small.  Go to Starbucks, but go without your laptop! Read a book for an hour everyday (not a business book!), learn something new, enrol in a class for 2 hours a week.

The Makings of Great Speech

I was spending a happy hour on Ted Talks the other day (I swear tedtalks could be listed on my CV as a ‘hobby’), and I came across this wonderful ‘talk’ by Mark Bezos ‘A Life Lesson from a Volunteer Firefighter’.

It has a very powerful message ‘don’t wait to make a difference’, and more than that it’s an awesome speech.

Here’s why…

1.  No Time Wasted Clearing Throat — Mr Bezos dives straight in, how many times have you listened to a speech and thought ‘just get on with it’, Mr B has in the first sentence covered the ‘here’s who I am, here’s what I do, here’s what I have for you today’ , fabulous. [Read more…] about The Makings of Great Speech