Blog

There Is No Shame In Removing Your Mask…

August 15 Dawn

Who is the mask for? It doesn’t matter if you put it there, or others placed it upon you.

We all are wearing masks, covering up and keeping ourselves ‘safe’ and protected. How dare we reveal what is really going on in our world. How dare we say what we really feel. How dare we ask for help.

When the mask begins to slip the first reaction is to shoot up your hand and put it back in place.

Did anyone see the real you even for a second? What will people think? How will they react? What will they say? Will they be upset that underneath there is a very different story taking place? Do you feel shame and guilt because you exposed the parts of you you never dreamed others would discover?

Holding on to the mask is exhausting. Tiring. Painful to keep in place.

The thing is, we’re all wearing them:

Masks of shame.
Masks of guilt.
Masks of regret.
Masks of struggling.
Masks of pain.
Masks of fears.
Masks of imperfections.
Masks of failures.

Let it slip. Let it fall. Remove the layer.

Why?

Here you go…

“The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.” Singer, Jim Morrision

You’ve been walking the ocean’s edge, holding up your robes to keep them dry. You must dive naked under, and deeper under, a thousand times deeper. Rumi

“…be yourself- not your idea of what you think somebody else’s idea of yourself should be.” Henry David Thoreau

“Vulnerability is the only authentic state. Being vulnerable means being open, for wounding, but also for pleasure. Being open to the wounds of life means also being open to the bounty and beauty. Don’t mask or deny your vulnerability: it is your greatest asset. Be vulnerable: quake and shake in your boots with it. the new goodness that is coming to you, in the form of people, situations, and things can only come to you when you are vulnerable, i.e. open.” Stephen Russell

Read the last quote again please.

Dawn xxx

Lessons From a Very Poorly Cat

August 10 Dawn

Yesterday, I had to rush Tispsy (cat) to the vet. Tipsy is one of those cats that turns cat haters into cat lovers — he has a thing about him.

I had went outside for a breath of fresh air. He was lying in the sun, just at the door.

Nothing unusual until he went to stand up, both his back legs were paralysed.

No hesitation, I grabbed the cat basket, popped him in it and drove to the vet.

My diagnosis was he had broken his legs. Had he been run over by a car? Landed the wrong way after a jump? Jumped from something too high?

On first examination the vet said his legs weren’t broken, he needed to x-ray and see what was going on. I started crying. I’m not an expert, that’s the vet’s job. But I knew it was far more serious than a break.

Seeing my tears, the vet started to sugar-coat his words, I knew exactly what he was doing (making it easy for me) and I had to say, ‘I’m upset yes, but please give me everything straight, you don’t need to cover anything up’.

He didn’t. He gave me possible causes and none with an ending that any pet owner wants to hear, but only the x-ray would reveal anything.

His x-rays showed that Tipsy had broken his back.

Leaving him yesterday with the agreement that if he shows no signs of improvement through the night, the inevitable needs to happen. I received my phone call this am. And there is hope.

How? Because he had used his litter tray. It means that his body his still receiving messages from his brain and that is a v-e-r-y good sign, he can feel.

He’s not out the woods, I know that. I just have to wait today, tomorrow and possible the next day.

But I’ve been thinking about yesterday afternoon (as expected.)

This is life. Real life. Events and experiences that unexpectedly happen. Moments when we excel at putting everything else aside and focus on what needs to happen next.

When we have no hesitation in calling in an expert, no time to waste, no hanging about or second guessing. They never stop.

We don’t know what we don’t know. I guessed it was a broken leg, based on a) my limited perceptions and b) my very limited knowledge, am I doing this elsewhere in life? What am I not seeing that is obvious to others?

Being upfront and completely honest. I had to ask the vet to do this. I don’t know about you, but I don’t like to wrapped up in cotton wool and denied the reality of situation. Do I wrap myself up anywhere? Do you? Unable to face the reality of what is actually happening?

Some days are days for ‘just being’. If you need them, take them.

Let’s finish with this, it’s popped into my mind twice today:

Where there is great love there are always miracles – Willa Carther

Scared to Market Yourself? I Did This

August 9 Dawn

In the early days of business (when dinosaurs ruled the earth) I hated marketing or more accurately I wasn’t that hot on asking people for payment of services.

In hindsight, a lot of it had to do with the usual mindset bullplop:

What if I’m not good enough?
Why should people buy from me, I’m not unique?
What if I can’t deliver what I promised?
What gives me the right to ask for money?
Yadda. Yadda. Yadda.

This was a big issue. Because unless you get paid, you don’t have a business and you can’t buy new underwear and the dogs don’t get new balls, so I took some sparkly drastic action.

Soooooooo…

I bought some costume jewellery from a wholesalers, got a free market stall from Gumtree (like Craigs List) and for 5 weeks during the summer I got up at 4am to drag my butt to local markets. With the one goal, to sell and feel comfortable doing it. I kinda like the ‘expose yourself to your fears’ approach to personal growth!

I learned far more than I expected, and no book could have given me this learning experience on real-time.

Here they are…

Don’t rush connection and relationship.

How much time do you give each individual customer?
Do you ask for engagement but don’t engage back?
Do you treat people as $ signs, or potential long-term relationships?
Do you value everyone who has connected with you and your business?
When did you last let them know?

Every person has the right to browse and say no.

If you aren’t selling or offering what people want, need or desire then you can still thank them for stopping anyway, then let them leave with no bitterness (or mental torture on our part.)

Engage. Engage. Engage.

Do you have multiple ways you can engage with a potential customer?

Asking for the sale.

The exchange of money, is just that, an exchange. If you’re ethically offering what people want, there is no need to fear the process.

The little things do matter. Make experiences for people (positive ones)

I went all out and made my market stall the prettiest on the block. Fairy lights, the lot.

The comments ‘your stall is so pretty’ helped with the relationship and the engagement. I even had posh little bags and tissue paper for purchases (if you’ve ever been to a market, bags are few and far between.)

Have you ever looked at your business through the eyes of potential customer?
What little details can you bring into the mix that no-one else in your field really bothers about?
An element of surprise and small gestures to say ‘you matter’ isn’t forgotten.

Take for example a local dog walker I worked with, on first meeting with a potential customer they arrived with their free gift: doggy biscuits, a little toy and a packet of poop bags, a chocolate from their pet to their owner, plus all the forms in a neat little reuseable little bag with doggy paw prints.

Naff? Maybe. Unless you’re a doggy owner who doesn’t really want a ‘dog walker’ you want someone to ‘love your dog as much as you do, and walk them’.

Their competition arrived with a form and a sheet with their Terms and Conditions on it, who would you hire?

Your Turn

Where has your BIGGEST little biz learning not from a book?

Screwed Up In The Past?

August 3 Dawn

In your life, wherever there is change, there is choice.

Sometimes the choices in front of you can feel like no choice at all. Whether you don’t like the choice or the consequences of the choices are unwelcome.

But choose you must, it’s part of living, to continually decide one path or direction over another, but how do you know the choices you make today are going to be the best for your future self?

You don’t.

You can only make what you believe is the best choice today, based on all the information and resources you have at your disposal at this moment.

I’m sure you have events and experiences in your life, that with wished for hindsight, you would’ve chosen differently. Who hasn’t? (Answer: no-one) I know that those choices for some of you will have led you to places you’re embarrassed to talk about and experiences that were painful, soul destroying, full of regret and shame.

How do you get over those ‘not the best’ choices from the past?

The relationships picked that ended in anger and blame, the careers started and then hated. The business blunders that caused you months of setbacks, the degrees and education started and never finished?

Are you letting past choices and regrets affecting your decisions about your future?
Are you not making decisions and choices because you’re scared that the same thing is going to happen again?

Do you say to yourself:

The last time this happened
In the past, when I’ve tried this
People say I shouldn’t live in the past, but I can’t help it
It’s so hard to get over

It’s a horrible place to live: in a past that you wish never happened.

Especially when it’s your past learning and experiences that are going to serve you well in the future.

The past is behind, learn from it. The future is ahead, prepare for it. The present is here, live it. Thomas S Monson

I’m not going to deny the fact that some painful experiences will require professional help, however here’s a few things to remember that will help you accept your past and make better future decisions:

Remember That You Are Only (Awesomely) Human

Most people don’t speak about their bad decisions and choices. They still have them.

You may never hear about them, they may never share them, but we all have been there.

Being human (most of the time) comes with the luxury of being able to make choices and decisions. You can only make the choices today with what you know now.

And all those past choices you wish never made? They are now part of you. You may not realise it yet, but you will have grown from them, are you able to look at your past and collate what you did learn? Are you able to ask yourself ‘the next time, I will?’

The Past You Is Not the Future You

The past you doesn’t have to look like the future you.

In life, many people believe they are a choice or decision that was made, they attach themselves to an event or experience, sometimes label themselves and then act in accordance with the label. You make your life choices, you are not the choice.

You have a wonderful gift right in front of you; it’s called ‘The Present’. To some they see The Present as just the moment now, it’s much more than, it’s all encompassing. It’s your past, your present and your future.

Nobody is asking you to erase the learning’s you have gained from previous choices, it’s about acceptance of who you are today, where you have been before and where you are going tomorrow.

Ask yourself: with the knowledge I have from my past, how can I create a better future tomorrow?

Change You Can’t Control. Choosing the Change You Can

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. Victor Frankl

At any moment you can choose a different choice.

Your past ‘not the best’ choices and decisions does not make you a bad person, or someone who has failed life, far from it. If you let those failures poison your present thoughts, they will affect the future you.

See, change will happen whether you like it or not. The choices you make are yours alone. Change doesn’t change, we change ourselves.

Maybe you would like to ask yourself now:

What am I afraid to do because it hasn’t worked out the way I wanted in the past?
Where am I holding back because of a negative result from the past? Do I have the unequivocal proof that it will happen again?

Will you make ‘not so good’ decisions again in your lifetime? Probably. The goal is to get over them quicker, accept your responsibility in the making of them and plan your ‘the next time I will’ statement.

How to Make More Informed Choices

Gather all the information, data and resources you can.
Ask people their thoughts, opinions, comments, experiences, tips and tricks – then make your move based on your choice.
Ask yourself constantly ‘is this in my best interests at this time’?
Ask yourself if the choice is matched to your values, purpose, direction and vision?
Be prepared for all eventualities: plan for the worst and expect the best.
Make choices when in a positive frame of mind. Never in anger or despair.

You always have a choice, always.

If you don’t like the choices you have to play with, then play around with the choices.

Recovery is the Journey. Hope Is the Foundation.

August 1 Dawn

Recovery is the Journey Hope is the Foundation At times we can all come face to face with the adversity: debt, unemployment, long-term illness, change in our physical and mental well-being, addictions, relationship break-ups, bereavement and loss…that list is endless.

Moments and experiences where we think we are never going to get out the other side – when in the darkness we see no choices, that the situations or circumstances will never get better.

I don’t know anyone who hasn’t faced adversity at some point.

How long do you/did you give yourself to recover?

Recover?

Yes. A period of time to ‘be well’ again.

The word recovery is well used by in the AA 12 Step Program.

The more I ponder the word today, the more I believe that we all have been/are/possibly will in the future require periods of recovery.

In this context there isn’t a definition for the word recovery, although some are trying to hijack it and give it one.

Recovery is a journey, and underlying the entire process is one word…hope.

Hope is the foundation.

When facing lives problems it can be easier to say, ‘I can’t do this any more’ or ‘I give up, nothing is ever going to change’.

Hope is the word that says ‘please try, one more time’, when you tired out from trying.

Hope says ‘it just might’, when you say, ‘this is never going to get better.’

Hope says ‘forgive yourself’, when you say, ‘I feel so guilty’.

And recovery is the acceptance that life is not an outcome.

Recovery sees you as a whole person. Recovery understands and accepts that any journey is going to be faced with humps and bumps, there is never a ‘starting again or over’ period.

In recovery there is no pressure to ‘finally arrive’.

Recovery isn’t a one way journey.

You may fall down, you may fail, and you may not make it this time and hope says, it’s okay there is always next time.

Recovery isn’t about taking all life problems away; recovery is about recognizing that they are there, but hope and acceptance that they don’t define you.

You are the most important part in the journey of recovery, not the circumstance or the adversity.

Even if you’re going through the worst that life can through at you, hope holds the belief that your life is your own, and you have complete control even if you don’t see it or feel at that time.

Recovery isn’t achieved in isolation.

Recovery is the acceptance that we all need support at some points in our life, that we all need a sense of belonging, good relationships, and the opportunities for personal growth.

Recovery is not about being fixed, be sorted, be repaired. It doesn’t isolate in that way. Recovery and hope don’t label you with conditions or the need to be treated.

Recovery is personal. Nobody can determine a path for your recovery. You choose the way.

Hope let’s you decide which path. Hope walks with you wherever you travel. Hope is the trust and the promise that the adversity will end.

Hope is courage. Hope will want to show you how resilient you actually are.

Allow. Allow yourself to recover.

Ask For Help (Even If You Suck At It)

July 30 Dawn

I used to hate asking for help.

But I’m getting better.

Proud? Yep. Probably.

Perfectionist. I’ve admitted to you before I’m in recovery from that.

Control freak? I do hope not. Although there is a little ‘eek’ and angst about feeling needy.

See, in my head, I’ve labelled myself a strong and independent woman.

I have no idea where this fear of asking help came from, as a child I remember my mum and dad saying to my sis and I, ‘ask us if you need help’, so that’s one that I/we can’t blame on them or ask for a refund for therapy.

I start things there is no way on earth I can complete because I haven’t got the skills, knowledge or ability (yet). But I do have a lovely vision of how I would like it to be.

Stuff that has got me in a right pickle in the past has been attempting to hang new doors, creating (and demolishing) walls, a bit plumbing, building walls, repairing sash and case windows, tiling, and plastering. Oh, I think there’s a DIY don’t theme going on here.

A friend sat me down once, as their partner, who is a trained, skilled and experienced joiner, was throwing up a new wall to replace the one that I had taken a sledge hammer to the night before. She said, ‘Dawn, your skills are with people, stick with them.’

I just like to get it done. And if renovating The House of Never Ending Renovations is what I want to achieve to completion and success, I need to learn the skills, apply the learning and get the experience.

But I really don’t want to learn that stuff. Not really, really learn.

So I need help.

Business, oh I’m getting so much better at asking for help. Although I may sit on something a little too long before the ask, I know the time has decreased a lot in the past couple of years. I still get a little sweaty and uncomfortable but that’s okay, a little perspiring instead of never asking at all is progress.

Here’s the thing, I give out big time to people who won’t accept help.

Look, I know how screwed up this sounds but I’m much better at helping others than asking for myself. What about you, are you better at the offer than the acceptance?

If you’re like me when you offer your help to someone I bet:

a) You sincerely mean it.

b) Expect the other person to use your offer.

c) Will enjoy the process of helping someone else complete a task or goal.

And for some reason all that gets screwed up when it’s us being offered the helping hand.

On Saturday, I was faced with someone who was ‘doing a mini-me’ at me.

Long story short: they have a big event coming up, plans changed. I want them to use me, and I offered my help in any way they needed. What happened? A battle took place. It took a good 20 minutes for them to hear my offer another 10 to accept.

So, I’m not going to give you the Planet Dawn, top 10 list of how to ask for help because quite frankly that would be hypocritical of me and I’ve already said I’m not a happy bunny doing it.

But, I can give you a story.

Driving back home on Saturday I couldn’t get it out my head, and my intent is to remember it more often.

A farmer in a small town watched on as the heavens opened and rains fell.

The river was overflowing and the farmer witnessed it come up over the fields, right up to his front door. The army (drafted in to deal with the emergency) and members of a local rescue team came past in a boat and say to them “Come aboard, we’ll take you to safety at the local community centre.”

The farmer refuses and sends them on their way, “No thanks, I put my trust in God.” The rescue team moves away. All the day the rains pour and the farmer has to move upstairs in his home as the water floods the lower rooms. Another boat comes through, bigger than the first, and filled with his neighbours, again they shout,“Jump in. We’ll save you.”

The farmer refuses again, “No, save the others, I put my trust in God.”

The boat goes away. The water keeps coming and the farmer is forced to the roof of his house. The air rescue team appears in a helicopter and from a loud speaker the farmer hears the pilot say, ‘Climb on the ladder lowered, we’ll save you.’

The farmer waves the helicopter away, “No thanks, I put my trust in God.”

The helicopter flies away. The rain keeps coming, the farmer has nowhere else to go, sadly he drowns.

The farmer arrives at heaven, slightly peeved and a little upset that he drowned. Bumping into God in the Entry to Heaven Hallway God says, “What are you doing here?”

The farmer says, “I put my trust in you, and you let me down.”

God says, “What do you mean, let you down? I sent you two boats and a helicopter!”

Are you good at sending in boats and helicopters?

How good are you at jumping aboard others?

Look, there will be times in your life (and mine) when we cannot go it all alone.

We’ll need help. Connection is key to personal growth. I believe that 100%. The answer to the ask will be yes or no.

It may not be pleasant (unless you’re one of those peeps who constantly dump on others, but I don’t think you are) but it doesn’t mean that you and I should never do it.

I will if you will.

As Jim Rohn said, ‘Asking is the beginning of the receiving.’

Your Turn

Do you find asking for help easy? Are you good at it, any tips for the rest of us?