Dawn Barclay

Helping you align all that you do with your core values

Moxie Living: Courage and Confidence

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Correct Practice

“It is only when the correct practice is followed for a long time, without interruptions and with a quality of positive attitude and eagerness, that it can succeed” – Patanjali

We tend to beat ourselves into a squidgy mental pulp when we judge where we are at now with a place that doesn’t exist yet, known as the future.

Too harsh. Too harsh.

We tend to think we aren’t growing and developing unless we are in permanent doing mode.

We tend to think that the correct practice is the ticking off to-do lists. That if we aren’t achieving the scoring we mustn’t be unfolding in any shape or form.

The ticks are our assessment of how we are ‘measuring up’: no ticks = not so hot.

It takes a human being an entire lifetime to unfold everything that is within them.

The correct practice is always allowing yourself to open naturally.

To not force it. To look at – from the inside out – everything that is slap bang in the middle of your path at this moment and to accept that it too is contributing to your own unfolding.

The correct practice of planting seeds is nurturing and providing all the conditions that are needed for it to grow.

It’s the same with us.

The nurturing comes first in the form of the correct practice of thought: the belief in your innate ability to grow.

It’s a simple practice, you don’t have to do a darned thing.

You simply have to be it.

Lots of love & moxie,

Dawn xxx

To Journal, Or Not to Journal: That’s the Question.

Few things are mentioned more in the land of personal development tools and tricks than the journal.

Like most things in life, some love the process, others hate it. Some swear that it helps with the confidence, self-esteem, clarity, goal setting, imagination and creativity. Some insist it’s too time-consuming, difficult to maintain and utterly useless. How you think about it makes it useful, or not.

I’ve been both. Loved and loathed. Today, I’m a lover.

If you’ve ever said it’s too hard to maintain, I’ve been there, it’s taken me over 16 years to discover what the benefits are for me and get into the swing of it. I think the breakthrough came when I realised there are no hard and fast rules. There is no ‘right way’ to journal. It is what it is, and that’s what you make it.

The way I see it is this: the act of journaling (my method is with good old pen to paper) is a place to simply plop down my experience and go exploring – thoughts, beliefs, perceptions, feelings, problems, hurdles, conflicts, ideas, ‘my reality’ and with no middle-person – everything that goes down is my own personal meaning of what I am interpreting from the outside world.

Which sounds awfully deep. Let me put another way.

The above really means it’s a place to step back and ask ‘what’s really going on’, or a place to dive in and ask ‘what’s really going on’?

It offers – for me – the luxury of noticing problems so I can have a stab at finding solutions. It’s easy to spot where life is currently on a different path to my deepest values. Through putting pen to paper I can see things a different way. Oh, and it’s really good at working through issues or problems without all the drama and reacting.  And I love it for lists – thank you lists, gratitude lists, what did I learn lists etc – and planning my next moves.

Gosh, I should do it more often going by all that.

Now then.

Like most journalers (is there a collective term for people who journal), I came to it via some personal development course. For years it was very much an on and off, off and on, on, off, really on, really off experience. At one stage I did try Julia Camerons The Artists Way. Cameron suggests an exercise called Morning Pages – three pages of A4 every morning – I renamed mine the Moaning Pages because of all the wingeing I was getting up to, and every day just doesn’t work for me. Which is another thing, if you do want to journal, choose your own timing (every day, three times a week), choose what works for you, simply make the commitment to it. Yeah, it does take discipline. No, I would say it takes a commitment to momentum.

Now. Benefits.

Nip to Google and type in benefits of journaling there are plenty, so these are my insights, they may or may not resonate with you, as it should be. I can’t be all blanket coverage on this. Each to their own. I’m sure if we asked everyone who did journal they all would come up with different answers. If you want your own (insights), you’ll have to begin.

1. It’s your own little private dumping ground

My little private space also includes drawings, doodles and the collecting of all things that make sense and meaning to me (read: quotes, articles, pictures). It’s your space. You can make it whatever you like. You don’t even have to write if you don’t want to.

You mean there are alternatives to pen and paper?

Yes. Not everyone likes to write. How about video or voice recording? Would that work for you? You could use an app ( like Penzu or Day One), or use Future Me (not an app it allows you to send yourself future emails). You could take an image a day, sketch, create mini scrap boards and books, write yourself memos or letters. You could keep your thoughts on a private blog, keep a gratitude journal, doodle, draw it out. Or even try one sentence a day journal.

2. You get to pay attention to your experiences

When I begin most of what I write is just a stream of words on the page (read: utter dribble). Sometimes I even start by writing by asking, ‘Where shall I begin?’ and then I see what comes out. Sitting down to journal takes – me – a few minutes to get into. I call this the ‘getting past the fluff’ stage. Oh, but, if fluff is all I have on any day, then I chill out and accept that fluffy it is. I don’t pressure myself into filling space.

But, the attention thing, if there is a repeating theme over a few days or weeks it’s usually pretty accurate that something that needs some of my focus. I mean, am I writing about a problem, hurdle, ongoing experience that isn’t getting resolved? Noticing themes you can work through what’s really going. Work through? Okay, for me I simply write, ‘What’s really going on here?’ and answer my own question. Or, ‘How can I look at this differently?’ and again pop down the answer.

But what do you write about?

Ah. That’s where I got stumped in the past. I didn’t have any structure. Not that you need one, but I do understand that what you did that day and to-do lists don’t exactly inspire much. What helped me was journal prompts (I’ve added some at the bottom of this post for you to download).

3. You get to represent all of you (the bits you show others, the bits you keep hidden, and the bits you’re discovering)

Through keeping a journal you get to connect with all parts of you, and – the best bit – you can represent them all. I do remember censoring myself and holding back at first. If I could give you any tip, don’t censor. Anything goes. It’s your space.

Don’t get lost in your head either though, it may be that you’ve discovered something that you would like to share with others or get help with. That’s cool too. That’s what a journal does, helps you see things that you didn’t know were there and get support for them if needed.

For example, there may be a behaviour you’re displaying that you don’t like, a journal will give you some time to work through why it’s there and what surrounds it. A journal is your safe, private space to be your own advocate, coach and mentor. You can pour what you like on the page. It’s only for you.

4. You give yourself space to calm it all down

Some say that journaling is a mindfulness practice. I’m inclined to agree. I wouldn’t have said this years ago. My journal used to be an angst-ridden scribble of discontent and ongoing meh.

Mindfulness is the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us. (source).

Journaling gives you space and time to reflect, review, explore, identify your actual experiences. Have you ever had an experience where you’ve thought about it for ages afterwards? It could have been something so small but it’s imprinted in your brain, you can’t stop focusing on it?

It’s a busy world. You’re a busy person. Things happen fast on any given day. I journal at night when it’s quiet. The actual doing – of one thing only – helps me be present. Busy becomes quiet. By not worrying about ‘what will I journal’ and being present with ‘space to think’, it calms it all down.

5. You get to explore/tell/share your stories

We are all telling stories of who we are, what we are like and what is – and isn’t – possible for us. Sometimes the stories we are telling aren’t always true. We could be retelling the stories of others explaining our chapters and the part we played.

A journal is where you are the sole storyteller: what you did, who you were with, the dragons that got slain, the help you received along the way. You get to explore and identify the gifts, talents and skills you used and identify those that you wish to learn. You get to connect a little deeper to the storyteller – you. You can look at where you had to grow your courage wings, where you had to retreat and what you needed at different times. You can make your storytelling a place of deep learning.

6. You can rant, rave and whinge (there’s a ‘but’ here though)

It’s a space to get it all out and down. We all have highs and lows, but sometimes we sit with what’s up inside or heads too long. A journal gives you a space to plop down all your rants and ravings. There are many times in one week where I get an email from people saying, ‘that was good to get that all down’ as they explain what’s currently happening in their life.

Of course, it is. When do we actually take the time to get out what is on our minds and bothering us?

Here’s the but.

But, a journal can – if you let it – become just a place for negativity, blame and all things meh in your life. If you’ve tried to journal before and found that to be the case, I can so see why you stopped. Who wouldn’t?

Journaling is a place to observe what’s going on, but you also live in the world. I mean, if you find a solution – through journaling – to a problem and don’t take it off the page, what’s was the actual purpose? The purpose is to grow, not get stuck in your head.

7. You get to ask yourself the questions you want to ask and answer

There is a saying, ‘ask the right questions and you’ll get the right answer’. In a journal, you can ask anything of yourself and your experience: How did I feel here? What was the purpose? Is there another way to look at this? What do I really want to say? How will I know?  What am I really saying? What do I need to do first? The list is endless. Many people get stuck journaling because (1) they are correcting their grammar, punctuation and spelling, (2) editing as they write, (3) trying to write an NYT best seller and, (4) trying to write the experience as opposed to explore the experience. Questions help you explore.

Questions help you explore and make connections. Often we don’t get asked or ask ourselves the questions that would help us the most. Journaling does this. If you actually allow yourself to ask questions.

Middle P.S. forget grammar, punctuation, spelling, editing, penning a bestseller. Doodles, drawing, (shock horror) bullet points are just as great as paragraphs. It’s your space. Do what you like. Just keeping asking questions and exploring the answers.

8. You can practice radical honesty/kindness/compassion and thanks

There is no censorship, well, as long as you don’t censor your thoughts.  As for kindness, compassion and gratitude, it can be summed up in three words: gratitude changes everything.

If you need a journal starting point or a template for each day try these: 10 things I learned from yesterday, 10 things I am thankful for in my life today, 10 things I am grateful for today, 3 ways I can practice radical kindness today, 7 ways I can show my appreciation more.

9. You can explore alternatives until they are coming out your ears

We, humans, are creatures of habit. Once we get locked into an idea we are really good at locking out alternatives. Assume you have a problem, hurdle, fear, obstacle to cross, of course writing it out will help. Why? Because you’ll have all that mind racing in one place.

Leaving it at just the problem (see 6) isn’t really helpful. A journal is a space – well it can be – to let your mind run riot in a positive way.

Journaling might not give you the best or perfect solution to a current problem, but it can teach you to become a thinker of possibilities. For every problem there is a solution, so the saying goes. But it’s not just problems. It’s ideas, fun options, amazing alternatives that can be explored too. I don’t know about you but sometimes I can get stuck in a pattern, a way of doing things, a journal can help break patterns that are no longer working for you the way they once did.

10. You can further align yourself with your core values (or see where you’re off the mark)

Journal consistently, for even a short length of time, and you will notice where you are or are not in alignment with your deepest core values. If one of your core values was balance and you writing daily about feeling ‘all over the place’, then exploring you must go.

What about you?

Do you journal? What do you love about it, what are the benefits for you? What first step advice would you give to someone beginning? If you don’t journal, what are your reasons? Would you try alternatives to pen and paper? Have you? Would you like to journal, what would help you along?

Downloads

31 Journal Prompts – May 2017 (PDF)

When the Shift Hits the Fan

Life, like the seasons, is always changing.

For many of us, the moment(s) arrive when it becomes pretty obvious that our current reality is no longer relevant, wanted, or the direction we want to take any more.

You’re shifting.

You could be totally out of whack with your  core values, you may be doing work that was relevant back then, but makes no sense to you now, you may have reached the end in a special relationship, you may want less striving to become, and more just being.

You may try everything to stop the shift hitting the fan: you could play maybe someday with yourself for a year or two, tell yourself on good days that things aren’t that bad, perhaps try and convince yourself that when the time is right then you will get to work on the change.

You may hold on tighter to try and keep things the way they are because you don’t know if you have the resilience to clean up after the shift hits the walls (if there is even a clean up at all).

Ponder these:

  • What are old ways no longer good enough for you?
  • If you stay where you are, what could happen?
  • If you stay where you are, what won’t happen?
  • What are you made of today, that you weren’t aware of this time last year?

It can be scary, the fear of letting go of the old way and taking the first step into the unknown.  I get it, we don’t want to think when we make a shift, we might get it wrong, we might make a mistake, fall, fail or go down a path that perhaps isn’t the right one.

But still, it’s only when you embrace that shifts happen (that are going to come out in some way whether you like it or not) can you learn all that you are made of.

On Being a Possibility Thinker

You are the only person in the world who sees the world like you.

What we tend to do is lock on to our own version of the truth and leave out other versions because well, our version is, of course, true.

When we lock on to what is true for us we have a habit of going along with our conditioned ways of thinking which shut out other possibilities. We do like to know we are correct in what we know and what we feel. We have the tendency to argue for our version of the ‘truth’ and point out others are wrong.

By locking on to our version of the truth we can shut out other options, ideas, and possibilities to see things differently.

Possibility thinking is having the courage to stop going with your conditioned way of thinking. It’s when you stop quit putting your focus on what you don’t want: problems doubts, obstacles, barriers, difficulties and give yourself other options of possibilities by focussing on the solutions, options, and new behaviours to help you create what you do want.

Examples?

Okay, here you go:

The current version of the ‘truth’: Putting up a website costs a fortune, I won’t be able to do it for a while.
Possibility thinking: Who can I speak to/contact this morning who can talk to me about other options? What were others first steps? What am I not seeing? A fortune, according to who?

The current version of the ‘truth’: Losing weight is really hard for me, I’ve tried so many times before and failed.
Possibility thinking: Why do I have to go on a ‘diet’ to lose weight? What other ways can I explore to becoming a healthier me? If it’s been hard, why not make it easy, how?

The current version of the ‘truth’: There is no way I will ever be able to do that for a career.
Possibility thinking: How do I know I can’t do it? What would be my first discovery point? Who do I need to talk to? Who told me that ‘never’ is true for me? Is it true?

Look, we all have weaknesses, we all have ‘limits’ of what we think we can and cannot do in life. But sometimes they aren’t actually true, they are simply so-called truths we have been conditioned to believe.

For every problem you have, you have a solution.

For every limit, you have a possibility.

For every truth you own, there may be another, more truthful, version (really).

Think today of what you are creating, and look at where you are perhaps ‘locked on’ to a truth that might not be true.  Is there a solution in all the other possibilities?

You might need to think about all the other possibilities while not wearing your conditioned thinking.

And how do you do that?

My answer is this: surround yourself with other brains (hint: like a Moxie Campfire). Tell them what the goal is, and give them where you’re stuck. You won’t be short of ideas. Dismiss nothing, not at first. Just consider the possibilities.

You Were Born Creative, Stop Telling Yourself Otherwise

 

Creative: the ability to make things or think up new ideas.

Creativity: the ability to perceive the world in new ways, find hidden patterns, connect the dots.

Create: to bring something new into being.

You were born with innate creative potential. You were not born without it.

Many people confuse ‘being creative’ with ‘being artistic’. Not the case.

Oh, but you do have artistic talent, we all do.

If you are given the opportunities, encouragement, training and have the motivation to practice until you master what you are learning, yep, you will get good at being artistic. But as we know, opportunities are not equal.

You are creative.

You have the ability to manage your ideas, to produce new work, to think, to question, to become masterful at your thing, to observe, to network, to bring out your personal meaning, to connect the dots for you, to experiment … on a moment to moment basis.

We all do, given the opportunity.

In 1965, George Land, a researcher and general systems scientist undertook a piece of research to study the enhancement of creative performance. At the end of the research, they declared, ‘non-creative behaviours are learned’.

Yep, George, I agree.

Here’s my thinking, we enter a system where (generally) we are asked to learn in a linear fashion:

nursery -> school -> high school -> college -> university -> work

We learn the answers so we can remember them to pass exams. Generally. We are being trained all the way along to enter the final system, where the rules and regulations haven’t changed much since the Industrial Revolution.

I think that’s why over 81% of the population (when researched) are utterly miserable in what they do every day.

They are creative beings working in systems (generally) that don’t want them to be creative. Heaven forbid someone actually wants to change the system! Where would they get their labour?

So, if you say, I am not creative. Ask yourself if you really agree with that statement, or have you simply been in a system teaching you to unlearn your creativity?

It’s not possible to deny what is yours (innate creative potential) hence the misery and people feeling as if they are having their soul sucked out of them every single day.

You are a creative being. Don’t ever underestimate the power of your creativity, it’s who you are.

Tweet: You are a creative being. Don’t ever underestimate the power of your creativity, it’s who you are.

Sure, you may not have mastered an artistic skill yet, but you may release it in other ways:

  • Helping a child to tie their shoes. Creative.
  • Producing a warm and welcoming space for people when they come to your home. Creative.
  • Bring people together for a common interest. Creative.
  • Managing a project, a charity idea, a fundraiser. Creative.
  • Throwing a meal together for 8 with a bag of potatoes, and a turnip. Creative.
  • Thinking about how you can improve the quality of your life in your community. Creative.
  • Experimenting with your career, business, goals, getting bendy. Creative.
  • Questioning old habits that no longer work for you. Creative.
  • Empowering others to believe in themselves. Creative.
  • Writing a blog post. Creative.
  • Ending a relationship without tearing each other up for toilet paper. Creative.

But Dawn, they aren’t really that creative. not really! Then ask the child who can tie his shoelaces because of you. Or that person, a stranger, who you smiled at one day and gave them the reason to keep on going.

Can creativity be taught? It doesn’t require teaching. It’s inbuilt. It’s more about unlearning everything you have learned that’s preventing you seeing it.

Phew!

You are a creative being. Remember it. And where you encourage others and offer them the opportunity and motivation to practice their creativity, well, then you are also an innovator and pretty much an amazing human to me.

Reflective Questions:

  • Where does creativity flourish in your life?
  • What can you do (or do more of) to create the conditions for creativity to expand in your life? And for others?
  • What have you been considering creating but (right now) can’t connect the dots, what small creative act can you do today to seek the help you need?

Love, Dawn xo

So, Things Are Taking a Little Longer? That’s Okay.

I was chatting to someone this morning who is in their Happy Business Start-Up phase. However, the Happy part may be pushing it a bit, their tears pretty much gave it away.

Like many who are creating their passion in the form of ‘a business they have come to the beautiful, unplanned, unexpected and often painful part where they’re realising the enormity of what starting a business really means: all the parts that need to connect, how they need to connect and – the biggie – the gaps in skills because to do teeny tiny A, they have to have done great big this, this and this first, and they haven’t a clue how to do this.

I remember that stage well.

It was the day I was sitting on the kitchen floor, I was sobbing my little old sorry self into a tea towel because I genuinely didn’t know what to do. I was bringing the business online after 5 years with no website, and I hadn’t got a clue in what order things happened.

I was, I thought, out my depth.

That all the little parts would never float together to create the big picture.

Add to that the amount I was reading along the lines of, ‘Do this, or you’ll die!’ didn’t help much at all.

I had huge expectations in my planning and goals that by a certain date all my webbysite dreams would be done, finished, completed, in perfect working order.

No delays. No hiccups. No massive learning curves.

Ah, how naive. A fantasy. The reality was very different. Is still different today.

You have all the resources you need for what you need to do now.

But, to get things done, you have to know how far you can stretch them, and when you need to look outside yourself for help.

Sure, we can work on our goals 24/7 but that doesn’t mean we are 100% any use or productive to the goals in that time, or that life is really being lived.

We can keep it real by accepting distractions will probably pop up, we may need to go a different path in order to learn something that is needed for the goal long-term, not a short-term quick fix.

We may need to put a goal down, pick up another, then return to the original one because it’s the only way to move forward. And that’s okay. It is. It is okay.

How long does it take to reach a goal? When you’re done with it or you don’t want it anymore.

“It seems so impossible to believe that your best time in life exists at no other time and in no other place than the present. But this is another vital part of your strategy that you must have in order to rebuild a better life: You must let go of what’s happened, forget about what could happen, and take charge of your present. There is only one moment in which you can experience anything, and that moment is “now,” so don’t throw away your time by dwelling on past or future experiences, by living in moments other than the current ones.” Art E. Beg

If it’s taking longer than expected. Who says that’s not okay?

Sometimes we have to be brave with ourselves and lower our over-optimistic expectations just a little (yes, I did just say that, but I didn’t say lower your goals and dreams).

Allow yourself the time and space to embrace the new.

Understand it.

Remember why you are creating.

Know in your heart the reason why you started <- and that’s the core, as long as everything aligns with that, you will find a way through.

Love.

Dawn xxx