Dawn Barclay

Helping you align all that you do with your core values

Moxie Living: Courage and Confidence

All blog post Moxie Living

Resistance, Quit It!

‘The Resistance’,  I love when people insert the word ‘the’ in front of resistance.

I like breaking arrows. With my throat. I like to see other people break arrows with their throat.

Now, I first got to try this when I was training to become a fire walking instructor, and I actually wasn’t thinking (at first) ‘this is impossible’ because I knew it could be done, I’d witnessed others in the group: snap snap snappity snap.

Rejoice. Clap. Clap. Clap. (cue winning punch)

The time came for me to get up there, in front of my peers

Wow, what a thought rush was had.

In the space of 10 seconds my brain screamed: ‘don’t do this, risky, this is risky, it’s going to hurt, what if you’re the first person the arrow doesn’t break for, oh you’ll be fine, don’t make a fool of yourself, get up there, others are watching you better do it, what if it goes through your eye, what if you can’t do this, you’ll look a right fool, just do it, don’t, relax, your so nervous…on and on’.

Quietly asking my brain to butt out, up I continued.

So there I was, with the sharp end of the arrow on the soft supply part of my throat, the other end against a wall, all I had to do was take a step forward.

One step. One slight movement. Just enough to encourage the shaft to bend, then snap.

That was it.

One push.

And in that ‘moment’ is where most get stuck.

Not just in breaking arrows, but all through life.

That point when the task, activity, goal, idea, whatever it is, requires a final push. When you need to deliver.

That point where a little pain is felt. It’s uncomfortable, not life threatening, but still not pleasant.

That point where there are moments of doubt and ‘can I actually do this, oh wait, hold on, let me stop and think’.

That point where the easiest option is to take a step back and say ‘oh I can’t, maybe next time‘.

Or even worse, getting stopped. Not being able to move forwards or back. There you are stuck with pain and you’re choosing to do nothing about it.

But, you’re going to have to let go at some point, yes? Either by choosing to release yourself from the pain or by going through it.

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.

One day, you may decide to take part in this activity. And I can’t even express in words how you’ll feel, because it’s not really about breaking arrows, but smashing through resistance.

Where do you need to take one small step forward today? What requires a final push?

Do it. Or release it.

Stepping Out Of Your Comfort Zones

Short on time?

Quick comfort zone tips:

  1. Your life isn’t a great big failure if you’ve teeny areas of comfort: yes, to grow you sometimes have to do that which scares senseless, but some comfort zones you’ll need, as you prepare and launch for the big stretch.
  2. You don’t need to make one big leap all at once out an imaginary zone. Push yourself everyday.
  3. They don’t really exist, it’s all in your head.  True.
  4. Breathe, and give yourself permission to take it at your speed, get into the flow baby!
  5. You always can stretch further than you may think, try it every now and then.
  6. Know why you are stuck in a zone, change or reframe that first.
  7. Minimise personal risk.

Got more time?

Excellent…

Let’s start with a little blame and moaning because that’s really useful!

FC Houghton and CP Yaglou have a lot to answer for.

Science bitty ahead…

Back in 1923 they coined the phrase ‘Comfort Zone‘: they weren’t coaches, psychologists, or personal development gooroos.

Nope, they worked for the American Society of Heating and Ventilating Engineers and they developed the Effective Temperature Scale: the temperature range at which the naked human body is able to maintain a heat balance without shivering or sweating.

Science over. Phew!

The term comfort zone is an excellent metaphor to be used for personal growth, it has stood the test of self-help and quotes time, it’s well and truly stuck.

Our brains just ‘get’ it.

Why?

We know what comfort is — oh, yummy, nice, easy, simple, no stress, tuck me in place.

We know what zone is — small, shut off, red lights, barriers, isolation, do not enter here.

Plop the two together, visual perfection.

We both know that a quote such as:

‘You must step out your comfort zone and realise your dreams‘

Actually means: ‘move it, quit the fear, you know what you need to do, get going, stop stalling and resisting, get your butt in gear now, nothing was ever achieved by just sitting on thumb, for goodness sake will you just do it already’.

Yeah.

We all get that.

Or

‘Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new‘

Actually means: ‘you know all the sweat, shaking, fear, pit of your stomach butterflies, terrifying thoughts that you are having? Well it’s worth it, perfectly normal, get it moving’.

Comfort Zone sums it all up, nicely packaged.

However…

I read a post recently that said: “90% of people live in their comfort zone and that you are tired, depressed, worthless, just surviving and life is mediocre if you are.”

Really?

No proof though, not even a link to the research. Shame!

(Rolling Eyes) Oh wait. It wasn’t another made up piece of woowoo to scare people who already feel vulnerable? No, surely not!

A bit like the myth ‘you only use 10% of your brain’ nonsense or ‘our brains are like sponges’. Pah!

Just telling you to ‘step out your comfort zone’, to me, is a bit like telling someone who is experiencing depression to ‘pull themselves together’.

It’s not helpful.

You have a reason for being in the zone. It may not be a good reason to everyone else, but it is for you. You’re getting something from it, otherwise you wouldn’t be there.

If I had my way I would ban the use of the words ‘Comfort Zones’.

It wouldn’t work though.

No, I’m not being defeatist; it’s because it’s that sticky.

It’s a bit like the majority of us call implements that clean up the floor ‘hoovers’. When you may have a Dyson, or Vax. Or doing an Internet search you say ‘I’ll Google it’ not ‘I’ll Yahoo/Bing/MSN it’.

And anyway what would I replace them with? From the top of my head…

Sheep Pens? Fear Circles? Puddles? Enter Area 51?

Nah. The phrase works.

So we’ll roll with it.

But..

Can we pllleeeaasssee go a little deeper…

A comfort zone  is psychological ‘place’ where you feel comfortable, at ease, not threatened, it’s what you physically, psychological and emotionally can tolerate.

1. You have thousands of comfort zones (plural). Life isn’t one big zone.

Some you will find it easy to stretch, others not so much. And it all depends on your self-image in the area of the zone.

And like the temperature scale, you probably have a few degrees either side of what you can tolerate.

See, ‘step out’ your comfort zone, suggests that you need to move it all in one go. No. You can shimmy, hop, skip, jump, baby step your way out.

2. Stepping out can do more than harm than good. What! Yes, keep reading.

Say for example you have a fear about public speaking (which you’ve been taught, but we’ll get to that another day), you decide to step out your ‘zone’ and just go for it.

Up onto the podium you go.

What if you bomb? What if it is w-a-y worse than you ever thought it would be. You just want to hitch-hike (word two!) it out the country. It was really painful to you and your audience.

What, truthfully, is the chance of you ever trying again sometime soon?

Nope, you will return very quickly to the ‘safe zone’ or otherwise known (in this example) as the ‘I can’t speak in public zone’ and rest up there.

I’m not saying don’t ever step. I’m saying weigh up all the risks. If the risks are HIGH, you may need to have carry out a ‘mental’ risk assessment. Is the risk worth it? How can you minimise the risk before the stepping?

Which leads me to…

3. Where’s the advice if it all goes belly up and you’re left worse off for stepping?

To come out some of your comfort zones you may need (sometimes), tools, knowledge, experience before you make the step, safely.

And it might go pear shaped, it might. But then it might not. Trying something once, not succeeding is not enough evidence to never try again.

4. What’s the matter with having a wee stretch?

Say, you want to move house. You’re scared. A little apprehensive. Do you just say ‘I’m stepping’ and instruct your estate agent to buy for you any house on the market? No. You go and look at a few. You see what others are like. You wander around others living spaces picturing what it would be like if you lived there.

You ask questions. You drive round the area, perhaps visit the schools and go to the local take away.

Why can’t the same be translated into other areas of your life?

Want to write a book? Then take a writing class.

Want to change career? Then speak to the people doing the career you want. Go visiting to companies and organisation you want to work for.

Want to start a business? Then attend networking events and conferences where business owners are meeting.

Test it. Stretch it.

You are able to increase the comfort zone temperature a couple of degrees yes? Well, once you are there, in the new zone, and that becomes comfortable do the next thing, then the next, then the next.

Stepping out a comfort zone, is not to scare yourself half to death. Well, it doesn’t have to be. Why would anyone want to do that anyway?

5. When can you rest a little, take a breather and then move on again?

Do you have to do it all at once? I believe a little breather every now and then is okay. You aren’t stopping. You are resting. Pace it.

6. Is it much more advantageous to know why you are ‘in there’ in the first place?

Now, this is a mega one. If you’re in a zone that you don’t like, that you know it’s not good for you and are fighting resistance to stay there because it is feeding and offering you something (only you will know what), I think the first step is facing the reason why.

And, in my experience when you know the reason why, zones actually crumble anyway. You no longer think in ‘zones’. The world becomes access all areas.

7. They all aren’t bad!

You need some. Your brain will not allow you to be unsafe. It’s primary role is survival: safety.

Good coaches/trainers/mentors know that no matter how they work you with, we cannot move you forward. 80% of the time we are challenging your resistance to change or you’re challenging us to stop bringing up your resistance!

You already know where in life you are crouched into a teeny little ball, held hostage and small.

And you know what needs done.

Yes, you do.

Whether you do it or not, well that’s a different story.

Comfort zones don’t exist, they are only there because you have created the ideas of what is and is not possible for you: where you are comfortable, your images of who you are, where you think you belong, self-esteem, confidence, beliefs all play a part.

If you’re carrying out a behaviour that makes you anxious, a little stressed, uncomfortable, trust your brain. It’s your inbuilt self-regulator or thermostat: it won’t let you be unsafe, it will get you the hell out of there.

It will however search for past experiences, emotions and physical responses, so it knows how to behave for you. If you have already taught it that the ‘one thing’ that stretches you is ‘horrible, you can’t do it, you’ll fail, oh remember the last time’ it can only give you the physical, psychological and emotional response that matches the thought.

First, change the thoughts. See yourself in the situation actually doing it, all through your thoughts. (There is an exercise in this post that will help.)

So, here’s a plan…

Write down 10 things that scare the hell out of you but you want to bring about:

  1. Ask yourself, is this worth the risk?
  2. How do you know?
  3. What will carrying it through give you?
  4. What will it take away?
  5. What will you be trading or giving up?
  6. How can you minimise the risk?
  7. Where did you learn that it was scary?
  8. Do you have enough personal proof, or did you gather evidence it from others?
  9. If it’s worth it, when will you start to build up the evidence that you will be safe?
  10. Who can you recruit?

Don’t think they have to be  massive: making cold calls, putting out a newsletter, joining a group, sending of your CV, joining a class, losing weight, dealing better with conflict.

Choose 10 that you have been resisting.

Okay, at the end of all this maybe FC Houghton and CP Yaglou did coin a great phrase, out of all the metaphors for personal growth and development it is a good one, if they were still alive I probably would buy them a popsicle (I know, bad choice. But the word didn’t fit elsewhere.)

Go and do your best…

But before you do, here’s two fantastic mindmaps all about comfort zones.

They are from Paul at MindMapInspiration (follow him on twitter at @mindmapdrawer). Click on the image and you’ll be taken to his website — which is mindmap heaven, and awesomeness.

Like the mindmap? (It is good, I agree) Click on it to go to mindmapinspiration — loads more.
And again Paul Foremans Mindmaps — click on it to go to mindmapart.com

 

Your Turn

Tips, techniques, tools, ideas for moving past resistance and stretching a comfort zone?

Photo credits: IceSwimming

How To Not Have a Crappy Day (Or Lessons From Orangutans)

Not got time to read ’cause you’re having a ‘day’? Here’s 5 Quick Tips:

  1. Working alone does not equal being alone: change your state, talk, make a call, anything!
  2. It’s okay to raise a white flag no matter who you are or what you ‘do’. Cut yourself some slack.
  3. It’s okay to have a ‘day of rest’ or ‘not going to plan’! Oh, I think that means we’re human!
  4. Connection, connection, connection is KEY. Vital. Enough said.
  5. Hang out with people who don’t ‘rescue’ you.

When was the last time you had a non productive day?

What do you mean you’ve never had one? You, you, you…saint!

I’ve just had one. Today.

I had great plans. Cultivated and seeded in writing before shuteye last night. Pretty little ‘get done’ list it was, handwritten too.

Woke up raring to go. Champing at the bit to get started.

But.

Today totally bombed. It was siphoned away from me, doing loads, but doing nothing.

The Teeny Weeny Problem With Plans

Please, no advice such as ‘why didn’t you just follow the plan’. I thought I was!

Plans are awesome, but surprise surprise, they they don’t work, when the person working them isn’t in top working order!

Funny, because I was reading Made to Stick (a great book on why some ideas stick and why some don’t, it’s in our bookstore: look under the category creativity, click here)

Authors Dan and Chip Heath discussed how armies plan, plan, plan, plan and plan some more. But when it comes to the crunch the army knows ‘No plan survives contact with the enemy’.

In the past (during perfectionism days) I would plod, today at 3pm I waved my white flag.

The enemy? Just me.

How do you manage your ‘off’ days?

I turned to a lovely group of extremely (cough cough) understanding peeps and said  ‘I need a serious kick up the a*se, I have accomplished nada today’.

Being ever so caring and empathic, in a funnykindasorta way, they listened (well read) and replied:

  1. Have you had your coffee?  (Which made me laugh)
  2. What is your preferred method of getting nothing done?

My what?!!

Preferred methods of getting nothing done

Huh?

Do you not just LOVE that?

I soooooooo did! No guilt, no beating myself up, no screaming or kicking myself at the waste of time.

My Well Thought Out Equation…

Laugher + Completely Different Perspective On Situation = Instant State Change

A quick break, cuppa and zippity back to it.

On reflection, do you know what I needed today the most?

Connection

That was all?

Yep.

Exactly what I say to you. We all need to feel part of, to belong, to feel connected.

Today, I just wasn’t feeling it. I needed to walk my talk.

And that applies to everyone, including solo business owners, I mean we aren’t Orangutans! We need connections.

(Apparently Orangutans like to live and work alone, but hermit crabs don’t, that’s a myth, they bury themselves hence the hermit part! I did have hermit crabs, but double checked and apparently Orangutans come out tops with not needing any connection!)

When I replied to the ‘preferred method of getting nothing done’, I was actually stunned at what I had achieved but hadn’t planned to ‘get done’ today.

So, how can I help you today? Do you need to connect?

Your Turn

How do you manage your ‘off’ days? Tips, techniques and silliness welcomed in the comments below, keep it clean though. 

Photo credit again the lovely Hiking Artist

How Long Does It Take to Reach a Goal?

To those who have ever asked…

1. You’ll know the exact time when you get there.

2. Or if you decide you didn’t want it after all.

Add extra time for getting steered off track.

Add extra time for not being serious.

Add extra time for not taking accountability: waiting for it to be delivered to you or your lucky break.

Add extra time for not believing in your ability to reach the goal.

Add extra time if you are scared of being criticised, ridiculed or stepping away from the norm.

Add extra time if you are frightened of failing.

How much ‘extra’ time?

Go back to number 1 and repeat.

To  help you decide which routes to take try this otherwise get a pen, write down the time and date now, start, when you’re done write down the time, and the date, calculate the hours, minutes, days, months, years, or long decades inbetween.

Start.

How long? Who actually knows?

And as the quote says: “If you don’t have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?“

Are You a ‘Perfect’ Specimen of Someone Living Moxie?

Not sure if you are or not? You’ll be able to decide in 2 minutes, lets start with a real life story:

Have you heard of Jane Tomlinson?

In 2003 she was awarded the most Inspirational Woman in Britain. In 2000 she was told she just 6 months to live, her diagnosis was breast cancer.

She passed away in 2007, after leaving a massive legacy, and (for me) she’s a perfect example of someone who lived moxie.

Why?

Because of her courage and bravery. I didn’t know her personally, I watched her life unfold from the sidelines. She deserved (IMO) 100% her award, she had guts, sheer determination, passion and offered hope to others, changed (and still does through her appeal) many lives, all while she faced her own adversity.

After diagnosis, going through numerous bouts of chemotherapy plus heart disease she raised £1,850,000 for charity: marathons, triathlons, cycling John O Groats to Lands End, Rome to Home, and make the 6781.8 km ride across America.

If you live in the UK, Europe or the States she passed your way.

That’s moxie, an epic life.

Moxie…

Slang

  • the ability to face difficulty with spirit and courage.
  • nerve, audacity, pluck and perseverance
  • strength of character, determination
  • guts, backbone, gumption

I’m in love with it.

Are you living moxie?

I think it’s an incredibly passionate word.

The word itself is, well, moxie!

And the reason it packs such an emotional punch is because (I believe) we have all lived moxie and will continue to do so as long as we’re here.

Including you.

Yes, you.

Don’t look round, it’s you and me here.

Maybe you don’t think you have any ‘moxie-ness’, and well, of course that could be true. Yet, we all have/are/will face our own challenges, and I’ll stick my neck on the line and say I bet you have it.

What life challenges and stories of adversity am I talking about…phew…well, for starters let’s look at my past clients:

Mental ill health, depression, unemployment, addictions, lack of meaningful relationships, lack of confidence, worth, feelings of hopelessness, getting fired, working a job you HATE, losing a business, marrying for the wrong reasons, divorce, unfaithfulness in marriage/relationships, debt, caring for a loved one, being deceived and lied to, dyslexia, homelessness, ill health, differently able, loss and grief, abuse, unable to have children, failing at…, being ‘different’, poverty, coming out, stigma, prejudice, bullying, rape…fill in the blank…

The list is endless. It’s individual.

And if you faced your challenges with courage, for the purpose of this post, you are to me, a living moxie.

Let me prove it to you

There’s a great phrase sweeping personal development, the ‘tinternet and motivational land’ right now, which is ‘be epic’.

I believe it includes being the hero/heroine of your own life.

The periods in your life where you’ve raised your game, with all your strength (when the easiest option was to crawl away) to make it out the other side: stronger, and a better person.

Living moxie is epic in itself

There’s a string of famous people you’ll recognise by name who have lived with courage, guts, determination and overcome their adversity: Helen Keller (born differently abled), Oprah Winfrey (raped as a child), Lance Armstrong (cancer), Micheal J Fox (Parkinson’s Disease), Christopher Reeve (spinal injury), and Stephen Fry (Bipolar).

(I do hate labels, do you?)

Back to you…

What about the people who live either side of you, in your street, in your town?

Those who aren’t listed in the Inc. 500, appeared on daytime TV, or have been awarded the OBE.

The people with stories and personal circumstances come to you via a friend of a friend, maybe even gossip or a family member.

I bet you’ll have plenty of examples of people in your life are living moxie.

Can you think of them now?

Are you able to pin down what they are teaching others?

Moxies teach great lessons…

Many of my own past clients have lived moxie, and still do.

They taught me lessons that aren’t taught elsewhere. They have changed my beliefs, values and shaped me into the person I am today. Yes, my clients did that, the people who I was training, taught me, probably more than they ever realised.

Plus human interest stories. The story that another human being is playing their part in on the other side of the world.

What is it about their story that touches you?

That makes you sit up and take notice.

Makes you connect with them without ever knowing them.

Like their message was meant just for you.

Is it because you can relate?

See, there’s no shortage of people to tell us their woes and troubles.

But there is a huge shortage of people sharing lessons that inspire and stick.

The powerful stories that come into your consciousness when you are facing your own, that make you think ‘if they can do that, so can I’: the stories that teach us how to live moxie.

Choosing to live a moxie life…

It is. Just a choice. A decision you make.

You don’t need to be facing any adversity at the time. You can choose to live moxie constantly.

  • It’s choosing to live in this world with courage and letting go of all fears.
  • It’s choosing to make decisions, get committed, determined and going all out to make things happen for you.
  • It’s choosing personal power, and empowering others.
  • It’s choosing to believe in…
  • It’s choosing to expose your fears for what they really are, just lies.
  • It’s about saying: ‘I’m here, I’m taking part, I am worthy and enough, now’.
  • It’s about turning your life around if it needs turned.
  • It’s not ‘dreaming’ but being totally awake and making things happen: for you, your life, your family, career, business, whatever is important to you.
  • It’s about using your strengths, working on the weaknesses and doing whatever, whatever, it takes.
  • And…what do you think?

Do you have it?

Do you want it?

Would living moxie fit with you?

Right now I can offer you this, the moxie clients I have worked with shared common behaviours and traits:

1. It’s was never about them.

They never expected applause or congratulations for what they had faced. They didn’t think their courage and bravery was that important. They made meaning out of their circumstances and they shared it with others.

Living moxie: don’t wait for the approval or ‘permission’ for others. When shrouded in fear it’s courage that will pull you through. Congratulate yourself, it’s not selfish, it’s about you taking back your own power (not power over – the two are very different.)

2. They made what seemed like impossible situations to others inspirational stories.

They all were amazing problem solvers. ‘I’ll find a way through it’ was a common phrase. Not stopped by barriers. Even when doors slammed firmly in their face, they bounced back, quickly. They weren’t their problems.

Living moxie: guts, sheer determination and will power. To make a decision, and stick with it (or change it). No bitterness, no blame: living life to the full.

3. They didn’t know how strong they were until they had to be strong.

Sometimes what they faced was a challenge that others found hard to understand. Sometimes they had to very quickly make massive life  changes that were for their own and families personal and emotional safety. Sometimes they had to pull ranks to entire chapters, people and places that were familiar in their life. Letting everything they knew go.

Living moxie: you are so much stronger than you perhaps think you are.

You know it, I know it. It’s about finding it, making that strength that is readily available in challenging situations boot up all time.

Over to You – Have Your Say

What do you think are the qualities, behaviours and attitudes of an individual who is living moxie?

Do you know anyone, what is it about them that makes them a pure moxie? Before you go feel free to fire in any comments you have, or stories below: your share can be another’s lesson. Just sayin’

Until next time…

Photo credit: Puppyintraining.com (there’s a great story attached)

What Are Core Values? (+ Workbook)

We careesy-coachy-helpery-trainery-people types talk a lot about being or sitting in alignment with your values: knowing who you are, and living authentically.

A lot, lotta, lotta, lot. Mega amounts.

But there’s good reason.

See, they play a great big whooping part in every area of your life, career, business, family, relationships — the whole picture.

Lots of people can state what’s of importance to them, and what they value but not always know their core values.

There’s a difference?

Yes.

Explain.

Okay.

Well, some people weigh up all their values as being of equal value, with no priority.

Example: The happiness of a child (yours even) being given the same value or weight as being able to eat my favourite cake when I want, is not the same.

Let me show you what I mean with a game:

All you need to do is agree or disagree.

Think about them for a few seconds first.

Can you sit on the fence?

Nope. It’s my game. So play fair.

Ready?

Do you agree or disagree with the following statements?

  • It’s okay to go to bed without having brushed your teeth.
  • Same sex marriages should be legal in every country worldwide.
  • It’s totally acceptable to pick your nose in a public place.
  • Life should mean life in a prison sentence.
  • An eye for an eye. A tooth for a tooth.
  • Eye contact must be made at all times.
  • Money doesn’t buy happiness.
  • All politicians are liars.
  • All religions cause wars.
  • It’s survival of the fittest.

Whether you agreed or disagreed will depend entirely on your value system.

Our values are a little bit like an internal navigation system. Guiding and leading.

They are a system in perfect working order: (I didn’t say effective because sometimes they aren’t), working even now as you read this they’re the central HQ of how you choose and what you decide, how you behave &  how you act.

Core values underpin how you live your life.

They assist you to answer, ‘Who am I?’ and ‘What do I stand for?’

They are unspoken rules and regulations, terms and conditions by which you have agreed to and ultimately live by.

Whether or not you consciously consult or are aware of them isn’t important, they are the captain of what you do, what you believe as the truth.

Some will serve you, others will hinder you.

Some will be glued and fixed rigid, unmovable, others more fluid.

Some were handed down to you, others you learned along the way.

Some will have changed over time, others will have grown stronger.

You may find when they are being challenged by others, you’ll defend them.

Sometimes, you’ll be swayed by the values held by others and amend your own, or refuse and deepen yours even further.

You’ll look around (sometimes unconsciously) to seek evidence that your values are the right ones.

Where do they come from?

Oh, we could be here for a-g-e-s.

A start…you’ll have been shaped by your upbringing: where you were raised, how you were raised, what you experienced. Some are social, some are political, others are cultural. You may hold values that are swamped in history: values held by your ancestors, that have been handed to you down through generations.

Seriously?

Yep.

They will have been gathered via your beliefs and norms, you will have learned your values from what was acceptable and non-acceptable in your schools, playground, and workplaces.

You have been conforming and forming your values for years.

You will have placed a value base on almost every area of your life.

Is there a difference between values and core values?

They are deeper.

Much deeper.

Finding them, or identifying them isn’t too hard. Look for what triggers a very strong emotion in you (anger, love, hate, jealousy) there will probably be a link to a core value wrapped up there (the workbook will help).

Here’s an example of how deep our core values go:

For the best part of ten years, I wrote and delivered a 6-week program for individuals wishing to enter the role of Support Worker (supporting other people who required support).

For this role, the person had to have strong core values surrounding equality, inclusion, person-centred working, respect, dignity, diversity, empathy…just for starters.

Asked at the interview, ‘Why do you want to work as a Support Worker?’

80% of the time the answer was to help people.

80% of the time that usually wasn’t enough.

Why?

Core Values

Having answered that question I would then ask questions about the actual role such as:

How would you support someone with high support needs, who uses a wheelchair and wants to go rock climbing?

How would you support someone taking a bath?

Core value-laden questions.

When an individual would reply to the wheelchair question something along the lines of ‘well, they wouldn’t be able to’ or ‘I’d try and find something else for them to do’ or ‘tell them they couldn’t maybe take them to a local park instead‘.

Those answers gave so much away about their core values: about freedom, choice, opportunities, and equality. The values just weren’t there.

The bath question, if someone replied ‘test the water’ or ‘would I have to do that?‘ again, a clear indication of the persons’ core values. No mention of dignity, respect, the right to privacy.

Can you see the difference?

See, you can pretend for a while, but ultimately your core values will be exposed.

What about your life, career, business?

I believe knowing your core values helps you make better decisions, better choices.

They are your guide, your map, and compass.

  • If one of your core values is authenticity, how would you feel working in an environment where everyone wears masks, back stabs, gossips, and comments?
  • If another was family time, how would you feel if you worked in an environment where it was expected you would work late, put in extra hours, work overtime?
  • How about if one of your core values was to be treated with respect and dignity, and yet your boss was a tyrant a belittler, an aggressive monster, or your partner ignored you on a regular basis?

They do matter.

To live a life 24/7 where you aren’t ‘in alignment’ with your core values is challenging.

  • Perhaps one of your values is independence and freedom, how do you feel when someone makes decisions (even when it’s well meant) about your life without your consent?
  • Maybe one of your core values is honesty and integrity, what happens when you find someone has been lying to you?

Coach yourself

Discover your core values. Know them, learn from them, embrace the ones that serve you, move away from the ones that do not serve. They will show you why you behave and act in certain ways. They will have you manage conflict and see other people more clearly. They will shine a light on what really matters to you. They will explain to you why you feel what you feel. 

If you want to read more and purchase the Core Values Workbook click here.