A few years back, I was signing a group of 20 people in for their first fire-walk, and my first as the Instructor and person lighting the 15ft beastie.
Now, they knew it was my first, and yet here they were giving me their implicit trust for their safety and tootsies. Friends! Love them.
What they didn’t know (but do now) is I was freaking inside that night. In fact, I had been for two weeks in the run up. I had the sweats and I wanted to throw up every time I thought about it.
I don’t remember the day I decided I want to lead firewalks, it wasn’t a career choice at school. Then again for most things in my life, I don’t ever remember ending up at the end of the path I started on. You?
It just presented itself as most things do. Opportunities that come our way that we say yes or no to.
Well, over a decade ago I said yes to a firewalk so I could fund-raise, loved it, did a few more, thought I would like to train, did that and kaboom here I was. After the training I couldn’t wait to get started. The company I had completed a lot of my charity walks with made it look so easy, professional and a total breeze.
The reality for me on that first one as an Instructor was – I’d have been happy to have waited longer, my self-talk and thoughts were scaring the jeebies out of me ‘wait a little more, until you are totally ready.’
And as we both know being totally ready never comes.
Understand that I was totally confident with delivering the seminar before hand and I had covered everything I could think of when it came to Health and Safety, so what was going on?
I had walked on fire plenty times before as a participant, but here’s the thing: there is a massive difference between being the participant and being 100% responsible for a persons safety and well-being as they cross over 1500 degrees Fahrenheit of burning coals. Just a little.
You see, people don’t witness all the prep that goes into a fire-walk: the conversations, the checks, the visits to site, the choosing of every piece of wood, the preparing of the ground, permits obtained, visits to local fire stations and all the other pre-walk stuff to ensure that every possible ‘risk’ is at a minimum. Some people who book can’t believe how strict (yes, me, I know strange huh?) I am with health and safety. I have to be, participants trust that the people leading the walk have done everything to make sure it’s as safe as it can be.
So here I was with 20 people all excited, apprehensive, some scared, some with terror in their eyes and I was the one they had full faith in for their night ahead.
10 minutes before the seminar a willing friend of a friend asked me ‘So, this is your first one?’ to which I repled, ‘Yes’.
They then asked, ‘Are you nervous?’
Moment of truth.
The reply would have made their night one to remember, or one to regret.
I replied, ‘No. I was. But I am so ready now and really looking for to it? What about you? What made you sign up?’
They replied, ‘My little brother died of cancer a few years ago, I’m doing it for him. Can’t say I’m ready. But I will be.’
I think back to that night a lot, especially when I’m planning new projects, courses, even firewalks. I think what if I had stopped that night from happening. Would I have eventually got over my first one? But most of all I think back to that quick conversation. I can’t even remember the seminar or the walk itself, it’s all a blur. But that chat. It’s in there for good.
When the walk was finished, certificates given out, and final goodbyes were taking place the friend of a friend came over and said, ‘Tonight for me was more than walking on fire, thank you.’ I didn’t need to say, ‘What do you mean?’ I knew. Like you do, you know what he meant.
What if I had let fear win and dictate I wasn’t ready? I did nothing. I just made a safe fire, whereas he dealt with grief. That’s powerful stuff, sometimes I just can’t get my head around moments like that.
learning
1. Sometimes in our life we need to just stop playing our own crap and get on with it.
2. Sometimes in life we need to trust that for whatever reason we are in a situation, and even if it takes all the courage we have, we can lean in and trust that we are in the right place at the right time and we have all the resources we need to see it to the end. The outcome is always unknown until we reach it.
3. Sometimes in life we need to stop talking about paths and realise that life comes with no paths, we have access all areas.
4. Sometimes in life we never know the reasons why we have created the experiences we are having, but they could make perfect sense to someone else.
5. Sometimes in life our fear, nerves, excuses are no match to the service we can provide to others. Do the work you love.
As I write this there are a couple of days left to register for first live delivery of The Moxie Project, a course in courage and confidence (and getting stuff done). Maybe you think you’re not ready yet, or it’s not your time yet.
Maybe you, just like I was, are doubting what is possible for you and fear what you know you are capable of. Maybe when this happens, that is place, or you have that part fixed then you’ll be ready. Do it for you, you’ll never know how far reaching saying ‘yes’ can take you or the impact you could have on someone else’s life.
Lots of love,
Dawn
PS: What about you, do you have a really good piece of learning you got from not feeling ready but doing it anyway?
