Dawn Barclay

Helping you align all that you do with your core values

Moxie Work and Career

JoyFear Moments + In Related News …

So Monday came around last week and on the write it down and hope to have least done a couple of things by the end of the day list was the Living Moxie Not-Really-A-Newsletter thang.

I sat for two hours and had nothing, brain freeze. I started the odd paragraph. And then deleted. Started. Deleted. Started. Deleted.

Then I did come up with something and the cat walked across the keyboard, the computer got all pissed and shut down.

So then I had a JOYFEAR moment, what would happen if I told people I had nothing. So I did.

What happened? You replied.

And you made me laugh. You really are witty peeps.

Apparently having nothing is a shared experience we both have, huh? Thank you for your advice of have a bath, you need coffee and quickly, take a break, go and walk the dogs, which makes me even more surprised, you remember the smaller details, the things that I don’t think matter, you remember. Dogs? Coffee? Bath to think?

There was a time when I wouldn’t have had the guts to send an email like that. Here’s my thinking there is so much that I still do in business that is ‘monkey-style’ or ‘parrot fashion’.

What this has reminded me is that nothing compares to just being open, vulnerable and human.

It’s where we can all meet. 

Life Is More Fun

Needing Support But Scared to Make the Call?

If You Want to Support

A nervous client recently said to me they were a little scared about letting someone else in and they had to pluck up the courage to call because coaches have it all together. 

Er.

No.

Myth.

Well, this one (me!) has never experienced life as all together.

An analogy:  it’s a bit like going to see a Dr. Because of the job title they have, we automatically give them a lot of authority and instant power over our health, they have the title, so they know best, right? (Do they?) And we can (rightly or wrongly) assume that their life is in perfect working order: they probably don’t eat junk food, smoke, drink too much, or snort a line of the white stuff.

What do we know?

Their personal life could be crumbling apart around their stethoscope, they could be a regular at AA meetings, be covered in nicotine patches, going through a messy divorce, their kids could be not speaking to them, their partner having an affair and yet they come to work, leave their baggage at the door and then pick it up again at the end of the shift. We don’t get to see and will never know what goes on when they take off the white coat.

I mean, can you imagine a GP sitting you down and telling you their worries and problems? No, it wouldn’t be right.

I believe we all need support.

As a coach and trainer I pay for professional support and supervision.  Because I’m self employed I don’t have the luxury (or dread depending on how you see it) of monthly support and supervision sessions with someone higher up the ladder (as I’m the only one my ladder), or an annual review.

I decided early on in my business that I wanted to pay someone who had no emotional investment in my business and who was prepared to just listen. To be there. To not judge me. I didn’t want business coaching, I wanted support.

So, every couple of months I pay a professional who who sits and nods as I tell them my woes, worries, concerns and strife’s, without ever mentioning names I tell her about things that I couldn’t help with, where I got stuck and stories I didn’t understand. I share with them moments when I feel lost (out my depth even) or when I struggled, or wished I had approached a situation in completely different way.

She asks the questions, I provide the answers. And I always come away from there feeling supported.

See, sometimes this work can be tough. Once you get used to me and I you, once we’ve settled in, and our relationship is formed, when you begin to open up and peel away the layers you feel safe in exposing and share the parts of who you really are I for one need support to help you.

Professionally I know your story is not mine: your problems and concerns don’t belong to me, but as soon as you share them I want to be able to help you in the best way possible for you at this time.

Occasionally your stories are hard to listen to. Sometimes when you share with me, even with all the professional training in the world, I still can quickly be reminded of an event in my own life. I can’t help it, emotions are funny buggers, they spring from no-where.

And that’s why I pay for support and supervision, I need to always know where I end and where you begin. I need to know that my stuff isn’t encroaching on your stuff.

I want you to know that even though I do what I do (and others like me) appear to have all our ducks lined up, that we appear to have life neatly packaged and bowed, we don’t. Well, I don’t. I can’t speak on behalf of others.

You said you’re scared about letting someone in, sometimes we’re scared that you’ve picked the right person to invite in. We have our limits too you know.

We’re human. Just like you. We have our own stuff going on, we may never share it all with you because you aren’t paying us to listen to our worries. We’re trained to leave our own luggage at the door, and rightly so. Sometimes we’ll give you snippets, if it’s appropriate to do so.

But please, leave behind that thoughts that coaches are all sorted. I don’t think it’s true. But (again) I can only speak for myself.

We can perhaps relate to your story because in some bizarre way it’s formatting is a little like our own. But we would never merge the two.

When you pick up the phone, send email or get in touch we know how hard that action could’ve been. We know that because we’ve probably been in a situation similar.

Most of the coaches I know don’t work in total isolation, they want to give you the best service, when you’re with them remember they are probably getting support behind the scenes for their life and work too: either through a regulating body, association, mastermind group, paid for support and supervision or even their own coach.

We do all need support.

We all need someone who’s ‘upright’ in our life.

So, You Want to Make a Difference

Dear Moxieologists, a story first…

Between 1993-2002 I volunteered for a children’s charity.

The charity was small and provided residential breaks to young people at risk. The word risk pretty much says it all really, it needs no further explanation.

I loved it.

It was tiring. Fun. Inspiring. Eye opening. Exhausting. Scary. Exasperating. Hysterical, either though laughter or through tears. It was pretty emotional whacking love work. Some days I was great at it, on others I sucked.

In my first year, I put my name down to work a wintry break in October, the group was aged 8-10 years.

Long story short, a child disclosed abuse taking place at home.

Now, if you work in this area you know how this goes. If you don’t there are strict rules of what you can say, what you can’t say, what you legally have to do with the information, what you must explain to a child and so on.

It’s not easy and once it’s reported what happens next is out of your hands.

So it went out of mine. The child finished their holiday and on arrival home the authorities took over. I went home hoping that I had did all the right things.

That was my first experience of an abuse disclosure, sadly there were more, the training (although excellent) didn’t prepare me.

Fast forward 8 years and another holiday. This one for teenagers. After the initial welcome, all the teens who smoked wanted a cigarette.

Because they were legally allowed to smoke, the charity knew they would smoke whether it was permitted or not, so the safest way was to agree with the young person they would only smoke with supervision before they came away.

So, there I was standing outside with a 6ft young man supervising , ignoring the smoking, I started to find out who he was.

After a couple of minutes he turned and said to me, ‘Dawn, you don’t recognise me do you?’ I didn’t. I hadn’t a clue. The horrible moment when someone knows you and you don’t know them. Urgh!

See, I never read their rap sheets, I always preferred to wait and meet the person rather than meet a second hand opinion.

Here he was. The boy who disclosed abuse. The boy who sat speaking of experiences that no 8 year old should have any knowledge of.

The boy who destroyed a room, not out of malice, purely to get someone to listen.

I’ll admit, I felt really bad not recognising him and then worried because I didn’t know what he was going to say next.

He freely gave me the missing years.  He went to live with another family member, told me he was really happy there and he then said, ‘Thank you’.

Why am I sharing this with you?

Making a difference is not about waiting for the right time, right project, right business, right career, right people or the right cause.

When people say to me they want to make a difference I know they mean they want to help change the world by the actions they take. They feel they have to do something of epic proportions.

Making a difference is not always about the biggest impact, it can also be the smallest impacts in a big way.

Making a difference is a way of living your entire life, I don’t believe a make a difference life is something that is switched on and off at a time that suits. It’s all the way or nothing. What do you think?

Every day difference. How?

  • A warm smile to a stranger.
  • Asking someone if they’re okay. Just kind words.
  • Making someone a drink without asking if they need one.
  • A touch on your partners hand when you have no need to do so.
  • When you ask a question and stay around listening to the answer.
  • For giving people the chance to speak their truth without any judgement on your part.
  • Send a card. Drop a gift.
  • The gifts of encouragement and saying ‘I believe in you’.
  • A hug at the right moment.
  • Saying ‘I hear you?’
  • And on, and on, and on, the simplicity makes it different.

Sometimes I think making a difference is about knowing the norm and doing the exact opposite. 

Making a difference is about being diverse in your actions. No two people are the same, you make a difference by recognising this and acting accordingly.

The difference you make to a person at any given moment in time may be your only chance to give it, just at the point when they need it most.

I guarantee you it requires no major life overhaul. It’s a simple choice, with epic results. We don’t know when we are making a difference.

Take the words ‘making a difference’ and turn them into a daily gift. The best gifts have to be shared and passed along.

As the saying goes …

“People may not remember exactly what you did, or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel. Remember what you do echoes in eternity.”

 

Have You Grown Out of Your Blog? (Life, Career or Biz?)

Writing the story is one thing, altering the story halfway through can be a scary business.

Pretty soon is my ten year anniversary of not working for, or answering to someone else for pay, it feels like a lifetime ago. Oh, wait a minute, it is a lifetime ago.

Back in the dark ages, the business activity was helping long-term unemployed people back into employment. There was no website, no blog, no Facebook (that baby wasn’t born), no social media, no WordPress, that’s right, no WordPress. (Breathe, bloggers, breathe.)

One decade. Can you remember what you were doing a decade ago?

Have you changed? Silly question.

The part in-between from that day to this is a mix of highs, achievements, lows, nightmares, fun, 97% brilliant clients, learning like I have never learned before, wondering if I can pay the mortgage next month, then trips to New York. It’s made me laugh, cry, and for a while pretty ill, up and down, over and round, it really has been one ‘helluva ride.

So what?

Transitions My Love Transitions

Like you, I’ve changed in 10 years. I started a business looking for freedom. Where I am today is choosing to be free (as much as the systems will let me.)

Back then there is no way I would talk to you as I do now, there is no way I would mention the F-word, there is no way I would talk about VJaysJays on Twitter, there is no way that I would sack a client.

Back then that 30-year-old something was trying so hard to fit into her screwed up perception of what a business owner does. The high heels hurt, the hand-bags were ridiculous, the filofax plain annoying, the nice pens always got lost, the pristine professional look wasn’t (and still isn’t) me.

New Stories Waiting to Be Written, Eager to Be Told, What’s Yours?

Take this website (in the past year) it has been my biggest love/hate/hair pull project: if you’re new here you won’t be aware that it has been changed more times than I’ve changed my knickers in the past year.

I know now what’s been happening.

It wasn’t the blog.

Nor the business.

Not even the website.

It’s been me.

If this business was a one of those children-like things, and I their parent, I swear the child would be a rebel devil.

See, you can only contain something that wants to do and be something else for so long before it starts to fight back against the oppressor, nothing can be kept from being a true expression of itself, it comes out eventually.

When was the last time someone or something held on to your hems? What happened in the end? How did it feel? Is it still happening? How’s that going for you?

I’ve been in ‘transition’ for about three years, just not realising it. When I started blogging for business, years after the start-up phase, the stories were sanitised ‘how-to’ posts about CV’s, application forms, general career-sy stuff, and of course personal development, which is a phrase I hardly use anymore.

Creating a Mini-Revolution

I whole-heartedly accept my own mini-evolution. And through this transition (I’m sure there will be more to come) I embrace my mission has grown stronger.

Transition is such a beautiful word.

To transform.

To shift.

To grow.

To develop.

The complete opposite of stagnation and sameness. I don’t want my life, my business, my world to become same old, same old, what about you, for your life? I don’t even want to be known as a ‘coach’ or a ‘trainer’, in fact I don’t want any more labels put upon me, therefore I have to quit placing them on myself.

Isn’t that what we all want?

To not be defined by labels. To not be placed into box, after box, after box with all the roles we play in life? Isn’t that where we begin to lose who we truly are?

So what’s next?

And I ask that to you also. What’s next for you?

Over the past 10 years I’ve been learning information that has nothing to do with changing careers and personal development, I’ve been touching on it here and there in this blog. It is going to help women cut ties and labels so they can transform into what they know they are capable of. That I do know.

Why? Because I utterly believe that there are people in this world who have a MASSIVE mission and message to share. Some of you sitting there will have dreams, plans, ideas and goals that will blow me away when I hear them, I know that. See, it’s going to be an honour to serve you.

Why Am I Sharing This With You?

Partly as an introduction to all the changes around here. And to say…

Everything is just a story. The future you not yet written, how wonderful is that?

If you’ve grown out of parts of you’re life, you’re allowed to transform, to re-write, to create new scripts for yourself.

Be brilliant in your transformation, you don’t need to deny where you have been, just take the brilliant parts with you (and the learning of course.)

Start a crusade, be something to someone – not a sanitised version to everyone.

If you know you’re at a turning point in your life, little biz, career, you already know that you’re going to have go round that corner at some point, don’t you? At some stage you are going to pull up your socks, take a deep breathe and confidently look right round and then step out. It’s coming, you know the time is nearly upon you.

I encourage you to accept that the transformation is a progression to the next stage. What stage? Oh, I’m sorry, I don’t have the answer to that one for you.

See, I believe sometimes we come to a point in life where we realise that all we have be doing until this moment has been in preparation, for something much bigger than we dreamed about 10 years ago.

What if that something else is so remarkable it takes your breathe away?

It’s worth the alteration surely? Yes? No?

‘Till next time.

 

 

I Can’t Just Quit My Job, I Have Responsibilities

La shemail said something along the lines of, “My job, hate it, fecking pits, I’m sooooooo unhappy, I can’t quit, I have responsibilities (children, debt and a mortgage) I cry on the way there, and in the toilet at lunch, don’t get me started on the people I have to work with.”

Righty…

A little warning, this post is a biggy, so just in case you’re at work and terrified someone reads over your shoulder download the pdf and read later – choosing the printer nearest to you of course.

“As the months drag by, you’re finding it harder to actually make it in to the ‘prison’ each day, every morning you consider having a ‘duvet day’ or had thoughts on the commute of what would be the most believable-not-used-often-sickie-excuse-ever, food poisoning is so old (that should’ve been passe but I can’t get the little French like thingy above the e) and diarroeeah dioraeea dioreeha diarrhoea is a bugger to spell on a Dr’s note.

Could the ‘others’ in your cell be looking a bit blanched in terror because they are having the same thoughts as you?

Don’t tell me to quit Dawn, I can’t, I have responsibilities.

I hear you. Look, this isn’t going to be a condescending speech. You don’t need the lecture on if you’re doing something you love, you’ll be happy. You’re smart, and I’m pretty sure you lecture yourself on a daily basis.

But you and I are going to tackle the word responsibilities, just to warn you.

We both know you have your life, and I have mine. At the end of the day it’s up to each of us what we choose to do with our own.

Perhaps the politics and conditions cause you pain and anxiety, with no room for flexibility it’s crushing you. It feels like you’re entering a country ruled by self proclaimed mini-dictators each and every long, boring, painful day.

I want out. I can’t quit, I just can’t, I have responsibilities.

Yes I know, I remember you saying.

So, when you arrive home at night do you nip online and come across endless messages along the lines of ‘you only have one life, quit your job and follow your own path, make a million with a blog!’

You know that’s ultimately what you want (maybe not the blog part), but just ‘quitting’ isn’t an option for you, is it?

You have responsibilities. <–see, I heard you.

When You Can’t ‘Afford’ to Quit Your Job

You wonder if the writers (me), like you, have mortgages or rent, bills, children to clothe and feed, insurance policies, food, cars and so on, this one does. Minus the children part though, I have dogs, but they are not my children,  I don’t get that, they are dogs, you know wolves, not dressing up toys, I mean seriously, what’s that all about?

Sorry, where was I?

Oh yes….

You want it bad though.

The bottom line is:

You want to get paid for work that has meaning, work where you’re full emotionally, mentally and physically.

You can’t quit your job, and at the same time (for your sanity) you can’t afford not to.

You just want (dare I say it) to be happy. 

The Common Confusion

I believe most of the confusion comes from the word ‘meaningful’, I only know what the word means to me, but what does it really mean to you?

Have you ever asked yourself ‘what is my definition of meaningful?’ or ‘what gives my life meaning?’  Please don’t roll your eyes back in your head.

It’s really not something to fear chickadee: nobody is asking you to come up with the answer to ‘what’s the meaning of life’, for all of us living here together on planet earth. The greatest thinkers of all time are still debating that biggie, so let’s leave that conundrum to them and focus on you.

See, you’re just asking yourself ‘what is the meaning of my life’. That you do know. Or you at least know what makes it mean-less.

How to Define Your Meaning of Meaningful

Let’s play. Do this exercise. Ignore all the voices in your head that don’t belong to you and ghosts from the past telling you what the word ‘meaningful’ means, only listen to your own.

Yes, many of you will not read or do this part. That’s fine. Come back when you’re ready.

Ready, answer these questions:

Values. What are your core values? Not the ‘that’s nice’ values. What do you stand for? What do you tolerate and not tolerate? What are non-negotiable?

Mission. What motivates you every day? What is your purpose for being here right now? What do you want people to understand about you and your life? What are your drivers? What makes you drag your backside to the prison each day?

Peak Moments. What have been the highlights of your life so far? Where are the moments when you felt that what you were doing mattered? What was happening? Who were you with? What were you doing? Why these moments? When have you stretched yourself beyond what you thought you were capable of?

Conditions. What must be happening in order for your life to be full? Whether or not it’s happening now doesn’t matter, you do know.

Meaning-less. What does it feel like? What does it look like? What’s happening when you experience it? What is poison to you? What is insignificant? What has no purpose to you?

Meaning-full. Who do you think you really are? Without looking into the future what fills you now? What does it feel like? What does it look like? What’s happening when you experience it?

Go through all that you’ve written and let me ask you one big question:

Does what you get paid for right now hold any meaning for you?  

If you’ve complete the exercise I’ll take a guess that you’ll have said:

a)      No, are you having a ‘effing’ laugh?

b)      Sometimes. It depends. A little. But.

I don’t usually tell people what they must do, but I own this one, you must find time for tasks, jobs, activities that you actually care about.

But I have responsibilities!

I know. Have I asked you to quit your job? I’m asking you if it’s possible for you to find some meaning in that job, or find meaning outside that job to make that place more bearable, before you make any move.

Everyone says ‘find meaning in that job’. That is impossible when you hate it! And I do fill my life with things that make it more bearable, don’t we all?

I know you hate it, and you may hate everything you ever do because no job will ever make sense to you until you make finding meaning a priority.

Yes, everyone says it. It’s not easy that’s true, it’s hard to find meaning when you don’t care and ultimately know you should be doing something else. It’s not impossible.

And I disagree with you, not everyone fills their life with meaning, they fill it up with ‘stuff’ that means nothing to avoid the pain of thinking they will never achieve a life that is filled with meaning. Have you watched the X-Factor? Big Brother? Fecking Jerry Whats-His-Name? Or in the UK Jeremy ‘here’s some shit that doesn’t even belong to you but will add to the burden of yours’ Kyle? Soap operas, don’t even get me started.

That’s entertainment!

We’ll have to agree to disagree on that one also.

So I should trash my telly?

Your choice. But I recommend binning “fillers”.

Another big question for you: why are you genuinely staying in a role you hate?

Is it the money? Go back to your list; does money make your life meaningful? Is money one of your core values? Does having no money make your life meaningless? Who taught you that in order to do the work you love you will have no money? Have you started to build your ‘screw it’ fund?

Is it the fear of losing what you do have? Again back to your list; do ‘things’ make your life more meaningful? Who taught you that meaning is what you own and possess?

Are you scared? When it comes to the crunch many people stay put no matter how bad it gets because they think that in order to do what they love it will come at a price (unless they become mentally exhausted and get signed off work first.)

Getting to grip on the word responsibilities

One definition is ‘duty, obligation, or burden’ and another is the ‘ability or authority to act or decide on one’s own‘.

There will be responsibilities in your life that you have a duty to, and some I bet are brilliant, your children may fill this spot, yes?

Others are a burden, the biggest burden (for the majority of people) is being in debt. Debt keeps anyone miserable and unhappy (and in fear). No, even that’s inaccurate, the biggest burden being the fear of the consequences of not paying your debt.

A life with meaning (which banks don’t own and have no control over) probably always include fantastic responsibilties The part that may be keeping you stuck and miserable is not being able to see past the burdens, would that be more accurate?

Why settle for a life meaning-less, when you have another 130 hours a week for creating meaning-full?

Start taking back authority: take action on the work that will bring meaning to your life.

How?

Find it. Find a way to make the work that will be meaningful to you a reality. Too simple? What if it is that simple?

I thought this wasn’t going to be speech?

Okay, I had hoped this could be avoided – take authority and do it for the responsibilities that you love.

When you look at your children and think of their future do you want them to be happy, fulfilling their dreams and passions? When they ask you ‘what would make you proud of me?’ or ‘what will I be when I grow up?’

Do you say, ‘as long as you’re happy that’s all I want?‘ or is it, ‘have burdens, live in fear and work a role you hate’?

Set the example. Show them that you are serious about the words that come out your mouth.

Am I using emotional blackmail? Yes, I am using your children as emotional blackmail on you. If they are the only way I can make you see creating meaning as important, you’re damned right I will use it.

I’m not telling you to quit your job, start down the path of creating the work you really want today.

Right now the outcome doesn’t matter. And if it’s a little scary, you’re on the right path.

Meaning isn’t in the future. It’s never going to be a place you arrive.

Tell Me

What are the best responsibilities you have? What can you do today? No matter how small, what one action can you take?

 

The Benefits of Creating and Starting Mastermind Group (For Any Area of Life)

MastermindEvery Wednesday evening I attend a mastermind, and it’s one of the highlights of my week.  Although the word makes me sound like I belong to a dark secret society, I can assure you no cloak and daggers are being swished and swashed.

Never heard of it?

No, neither had I until a few years ago, all will be revealed by the end of this post and there’s also links to fantastic resources for further reading on how you can set up your own.

The big picture first, let’s focus on what it is, what it’s not and what are the benefits.

What is Masterminding?

The most popular definition is from Napoleon Hill, author of Think and Grow Rich he described masterminding as “the coordination of knowledge and effort, in a spirit of harmony, between two or more people, for the attainment of a definite purpose.”  (Read: two brains are better than one. )

Sounds a little clunky? Try this…

A mastermind is when a group of individuals come together on a regular basis to help one other, support one another, grow in the specific area of the mastermind.

Do you think it sounds a bit technical? Too much geared towards business? Try and pop that aside in your head, it may be popular in business however it’s not solely reserved for it.

You can create a mastermind around whatever area of life you want. Crochet, careers, confidence, parenting, fundraising, projects, marketing, health…the focus of the mastermind is the choice of the group.

Let me help you out by making it real and explain how we do it.

Our definition:

“Three-ish hours of laughter, support, being exposed, vulnerable, connected, working on our business and being thankful for each other”.

Because we all live in different parts of the world, we hangout on Google+ (so we can see each other), but Masterminds can be in person, on the phone: really whatever is the best method for everyone. We meet weekly, some masterminds are monthly, again the group decides what the timetable is.

We cover a lot of the ‘business’, which I’ll describe in a minute and to prove to you it’s not too technical and heavy, we shoot the breeze like you would not believe, on such lovely topics such as: dogs licking bottoms, American and Scottish words, camping, leaving mayonnaise on the bus, we’ve even Google Earthed each other’s homes, not to mention the fact one of us (not me!) attended from the comfort of their own bed.

What are the benefits?

Because the relationship is authentic and real the rest of the mastermind group have no hesitation in questioning an idea, a thought, a plan, a goal, a piece of work I’m doing, and vice versa. For me, the mastermind supports me, my business and calls me to task on all my (business) crap.

Sounds harsh?

No, not at all, not if the relationships within your mastermind are built on respect, trust, honesty, support and genuineness from the start.

Do you need an agenda?

Well, when The Ladies and I first got together we were very “business-busy”.  For us, it’s laughable now, but we even had a written agenda (which some masterminds always have but for us it didn’t work, again the choice of the group) and before we started we created a survey answering why the hell we want to hook up every week without fail.

The official agenda no longer exists, yet we still cover:

  • What we’re struggling with and where we need input
  • Where we need help, ideas, suggestions
  • What’s working and what’s not
  • What we’re working on
  • What are our goals
  • What we’ve learned
  • Complete nonsense and rants

Our mastermind carries on throughout the week, quick check-ins and how are you doings. It’s not just those hours sitting with wee headphones on looking like an ex-employees for the Starship Enterprise, the support is there all the time.

The Right Mix

On that last point, the people you mastermind with have to be the ‘right’ group of people for you. Starting a group with people that just don’t ‘feel’ right is not such a great idea, people hold back because they don’t feel safe.

You don’t have to be best-buddies, nor do you all have to be in the same field or at the same level of competence, a mix can be good.

How do you find people? That’s coming in the resources below.

What’s In It For You?

Different perspectives:

We work in very different fields, which is a massive plus. All too often we small and solo business owners aren’t willing to step out from our own field, have a nosey and  learn from other areas, then perhaps apply what’s working over there in our own business.

Whatever the focus of the mastermind, there is always the opportunity to learn from ‘how others do it’.

Getting over stopped:

We’ve all been there, being too close to our own work we can’t see alternatives. When sharing with others they can hear what you are saying, pick up what you’re not saying and then ask you powerful questions you have forgotten to ask yourself.

We all don’t think in the same way, so on a mastermind someone may have the suggestion or idea that for some reason you weren’t seeing yourself.

The support, relationship and connection:

Vital to all of us, especially solo business owners. Before my masterminds (I’ve been in three) this was a real concern of mine. Sure connection was happening via social media and live networking events, but a great mastermind goes much deeper.

When the initial ‘norming and forming’ was done the real truths came out, to know ‘you’re not alone out there’ is priceless.

Accountability:

Each week, we state what we will be working on for the week ahead and we set ourselves short term goals. To turn up the next week and say, ‘I didn’t do it’, urgh.

When we work alone, one of the biggest lessons I think we have to learn and maintain is to hold ourselves accountable, to take ownership and control of what we are doing, when we are going to do it by and get it done. Telling people you’re going to do something by a certain date adds to the urgency. See, we’re growing together, I sure as hell don’t want to be the one to let the side down.

Other ways of doing things:

I believe, what a mastermind shouldn’t be is a group coaching call, a mastermind is a collection of brains, not one brain coaching 4/5/6 other brains.

Imagine the power of all the ideas, suggestions, advice and tips coming from all those brains? If you need a coach, don’t substitute a mastermind in it’s place, as they are very different.

Genuine support:

You may have great friends, a loving family, a supportive significant other, the cat doesn’t count (they rule you) and the dog couldn’t care less. But, do you have someone who has no secret agenda?

Huh?

I have a supportive partner, no question about it. But they have a secret agenda, and rightly so: we agreed to share our lives, if I’m struggling with an idea or a thought, they will (because they love me) try and fix it.

My family is supportive, but they haven’t really got a clue what I do for a living, their secret agenda is they just want me to be happy.

With the ‘right’ people in your mastermind genuine support with no secret agenda is on tap. They care about you enough to not wrap you in cotton wool. They care about you enough to call you on your stuff.

Does that mean you need a thick skin? No, however my advice is be willing to share honestly and openly, that does require bravery because sometimes you have to expose all those vulnerabilities and fears.

How to Set Up Your Mastermind Group

I’m sending you away now around the web because there are great resources to be had.

The first:

Karyn Greenstreet is a Small Business Coach and has a fab website called Passion For Business, she also set up and owns The Success Alliance which is a website dedicated to Masterminding.

She has a great free ebook over on The Success Alliance on How To Create and Run a Mastermind Group (you’ll need to give an email address), can I say that I do recommend Karyn and trusted her with mine.

Karyn also runs classes for Starting Up Your Mastermind Group.

I shot her an email before publishing this post (mainly to warn her I was linking to her website and to double check she still runs the workshops) the classes are for small and solo business owners, personal groups, non-profits and corporations.

If you want to head over there, here’s a few popular posts that Karyn (thank you Karyn) put together for you (and me):

2. Although the contest is over, there is a great video over on Jennifer Loudens website (it’s an interview with Danielle La Porte) on masterminding, or ‘Brain Trusts’ as Jennifer calls them.

The biggest takeaway from the video I got was ‘connecting with people who meet you on a soul level‘, agree the love has to be there.  Here’s the link to the video (no longer available) on Jennifer Loudens website or watch it on Danielle’s (no longer available).

3. Over on Jack Canfields website The Success Principles download the Mastermind Planning Guide, no sign up required, click the link and the workbook will open in a pdf. Personally I prefer Karyns, there’s a lot more information and detail, but Canfields includes a nice template.

4. Join meetup.com and search for groups in your area.

Not technically a ‘mastermind’, however you never know who you’re going to meet and where relationships can take you.

Meetup is free to join, but some groups may charge, or heck, start your own (fees are about £80 for the year to have your own group) and bring together you’re own masterminds.

Your Thoughts…

Are you part of a mastermind group? What’s the biggest positive? Have you any questions, just pop them below and I’ll try answer them for you. What area of your life would you love to create a mastermind around?