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7 Ways to Love Learning (Esp If You Flunked School)

June 14 Dawn

how to love learning again

Continuous effort—not strength or intelligence—is the key to unlocking our potential.

I fully believe that if a person has the desire and willingness to remain curious about the world, ask questions, seek out information and knowledge, spark up their brain and remove all barriers and blocks to learning, then they can change their lives: with effort they unleash their own potential.

Unfortunately, for many of us the process that was supposed to instil that passion within us is the exact same system that removed it, extinguished it, and tragically (and I do mean that) for some, closes the door for life.

It doesn’t make sense. All of us arrive bursting to learn, the majority leave bursting to get out.

(Aside: I own the fact I have only experienced systems in the UK, I know your story and experience may be different.)

So, have you lost your love of learning?

When?

What was the date?

How can you open the door again, if your previous experience left a bitter taste in your mouth?

Did not making the grade with the game leave you lacking self-esteem and confidence in your ability to learn? For that, I am so sorry.

You see, I believe that school is just a game: play it well and pass the assessments that the system states are ‘crucial’ to your future, you’ll survive.

If you aren’t able to memorize the games, in the format it was taught and recite it when the system decides you should, you’ll lose (according to the rules of the system.)

If you’re lucky, you may be supported by an adult who is more passionate about you and your learning, rather than the systems and rules that they have chosen to work in.

With their inspirational help they may be able to help you learn what’s important, rich and meaningful, as opposed to what is measureable. So at least you’ll leave the game with skills and tools to help you survive in the adult world. But that’s if you’re lucky.

Labels Limit Learning Potential

For years, I’ve delivered employability and training programs to long term unemployed adults with major barriers to employment: those are the labels that were given by the organisations funding the programs, not me.

I prefer just to use the word ‘people’, I don’t believe people need ‘stamped’. In each program around 80% of the individuals present had failed the game of ‘school’. No qualifications, no paper to measure their success as a player of the game.

My remit according to funders was to prepare the individual for work: done and I had one secret mission, to help the individual become passionate about learning again.

The funders were constantly asking ‘have they got a job yet have they got a job yet have they got a job yet’, why weren’t they asking ‘has the person realised their full potential as a learner’?

Sadly, unemployment is a financial commodity (to some places) and ‘any job’ is more important than loving to learning.

Smart Learners

And the world is missing out, because the people that close the door, in my experience, are really smart.

People spout we have ‘so much untapped potential’ and dish out the sugar coated phrase without asking “how much do I have?’

What a world it would be if we could re-open the learning doors that have been locked in a person for so long, I think we all would be blown away at the possibilities of how much.

These 7 ways are just an idea, I don’t have all the answers, I just have my experience with the people I’ve had the privilege to work alongside over the years.

I’m just a trainer who is passionate about helping people find a passion for their own learning, and someone who wants to know why a system is still failing too many people every year, and yet it’s the only one we’ve got.

If there is one thing I know is true, the world doesn’t stop changing, and learning the new world never stops.

Here goes…

Lesson #1 Unlearn Useless Learning

You, me, all of us have learned a lot of information and (cough cough) knowledge that is utterly useless, untrue and blocking our potential to real learning.

Imagine for a second it’s your very first day of school, on that day you were probably taken there by your primary care giver, they left and you were sitting down in one of those tiny chairs.

Got it? Do you have the picture?

Okay, imagine the same day and in the first 10 minutes you are given a pill, this pill will ensure that over the next 12 years of your life: you will only follow instructions given, you will only learn what is on the curriculum, you will not question the content and only obey, you will be taught in styles that don’t suit your preference.

Would you take that pill?

You are not the same person who arrived at school that first day. You are an adult and you have the capacity to unlearn all the useless beliefs you have about yourself as a learner.

You have the power and potential to turn your attention to anything you want to learn. You are more within your rights to ask questions, and you can now choose how you wish to learn.

Lesson 2# Re-educate Your Brain and Tell It What is Possible for You

If your previous experience of learning was a negative one, I would take a guess that you have very negative beliefs surrounding your ability to be a great learner. If you believe that great learning comes with a string of qualifications, IQ scores and test marks, have you ever considered that measurements don’t necessarily make great learners?

Measurements demonstrate the ability to memorise information. Is that great learning? Is smart learning?

You may even want to learn, you could have signed up for a few courses, the desire is there, but are you unconsciously stuck with past negative beliefs and everything you start doesn’t get completed?

You may have lived with the belief that you can only be a brilliant learner if you can pass exams. It would be a great time for me to talk about people who failed at school and then became a success, but that’s such a cliché.

Ask yourself if you’re limiting your potential to achieving your goals because of the limits you have surrounding your beliefs about learning. To re-educate your brain, spend some time exploring the brain and how it likes to learn. Read more about learning styles and preferences: find which way is your way and incorporate it into your learn.

Your brain is an incredible learning machine. It’s multi-sensory, nothing (yet) matches it’s capability.

Lesson 3# Get Rid of the Crappy Limiting Emotional Learning Beliefs

Do you say things like:

‘I’ll never be able to learn that’?
‘That’s impossible.’
‘It looks awfully hard.’

Has anyone ever said to you anything like.

‘Don’t be so stupid?’
‘Your sister/brother passed so can you.’
‘I don’t know why you can’t understand this.’
‘Everyone else is getting it, what’s wrong with you.’
‘Make sure you pass, you don’t want to be the only one who fails.’

We could go on and on. Get yourself a pen and paper and write down the answers to the following questions:

What do I remember about learning as a child?
What did people say to me about my ability as a learner?
What do I remember my teachers and educators saying?
What do I say I am not good at and can’t do well?

Next thing, write down beside next to all your answers the word ‘Hearsay’.

Because that is all it is, take a hammer to the hearsay. Vow to yourself that you will no longer add fuel to limiting beliefs about your ability to learn.

Lesson #3: Embrace, Encourage and Grow Curiosity

As children and before we entered any system, we were endlessly curious. Continually we asked why, we wanted answers, we were willing to take things apart to see how they worked, and we didn’t hesitate to seek and explanation. And yet, our why’s were the first questions that were drilled out of us. They became ‘Don’t ask why, just do it’.

Give yourself full permission to be curious about the world. Ask why. Seek different opportunities, try new ideas, and allow yourself full creativity. Carry out tasks you may find Repetitive and boring in a completely different way. Play. Be unique. Choose your preferred ways of completing tasks. Accept that you were once exceptional at finding out information by asking the questions you may hold back on as an adult.

Lesson 4# Resilience

Resilience is not solely about bouncing back quicker from setbacks, resilience includes you being able to maintain your emotional and mental wellbeing in any environment or circumstance that is challenging you or where there is a risk involved.

Resilient learning is about staying the course, staying with the learning until it moves from new to embed. The a-ha moment when you ‘get it’. When you push through the resistance and defeat the dragons called barriers.

What this could mean to you

Learn about resilience; teach yourself coping techniques and strategies for emotional and mental wellbeing to use while you are learning new information.

Lesson 5# Make Your Peace With Your Passed Failed Attempts

It’s not a bad thing. The failures of past have no place in the future, just distance memories. Failure and failed attempts are crucial to learning. Embrace it, listen to it, it’s your internal guide to remind you that what you’re doing isn’t the right way.

You could if you wanted to, fear all failing, but then you wouldn’t accept or attempt new learning. What a dilemma? To risk, or not risk. If you never failed, how would you ever know that what you are doing is better than the last time? How will you ever realise just how much potential you have? Risk. Stay safe. But risk.

Pass through the guilt of past failure. If you carry heaviness over failed learning in the past (left school with no qualifications, dropped out of college or university) to open the door to lifelong learning you may want to put down that which you carry. It’s weighing you down. Release it, what it was has no reflection on you today and where you are going tomorrow.

Lesson 6# Ignite the Spark You Had Before the System

It’s still there. Within you are the embers, all you need to do is add fuel (passion for what you are learning) to see them burst into flame, throw learning with purpose into the mix you’ll be blazing furnace.

You have witnessed everything as new at one point in your life. Using all your senses you made sense of a world that was alien, you learned quickly: stored the information, made a judgement, formed a belief, put everything away into neat little boxes. We all do.

Every day was a learning playground. The environment was perfect. For most of us (sadly not all) before the system we felt safe, supported, encouraged and accepted.

Motivate yourself by providing all the right conditions to your adult learning by ensuring:

What you are learning is meaningful.
Why you are learning makes sense.
How you are learning fits with your preferred style.
When you learn, you learn in a goal orientated, positive state
Where you always feel safe and unthreatened

Create the environment where you are totally safe.

Lesson 7# Learning Machine

You are so fortunate to have on board a highly complex machine that thrives on learning.

It’s not built to watch hours of television, stagnate, it can’t be bored (unless you bore it)and it never switches off. It’s ready: your brain and your ability to feel is still one of the biggest mysteries to science. There is a myth that you will use 10% of your brain potential, how can that be? What happens to the other 90%?

Your system is better and more powerful than the one that you entered at 5 years old. It’s no surprise to me that many didn’t survive the system, your wonderful brain was built to survive, not to receive rules, snore and bore methods, and formal instruction. I can’t believe that people are told to shut down distractions, not doddle, focus and concentrate on the task they are learning, variety, the brain learns in multiple ways.

From this moment forward, how are you going to enrich your life through learning? Whether you were labelled a successful learner or not doesn’t matter.

You have the keys to unlock potential. You always did.

No system will ever, no matter how hard they try compete with what you hold in your hand until the day you die. Ever.

Your Turn

How do you learn best? Did ‘school’ fit you? Any advice for anyone who feels they have failed in life because they failed the system? Did you love the learning system, what made it unique?

If you enjoyed this, please share it with your friends and family, or anyone you love who has a barrier to learning.

3 Ways to Deal with Drama Kings and Queens

June 13 Dawn

I know someone who creates a drama out everything that doesn’t go her way.

She thrives on creating ‘a scene’ and doesn’t stop until someone is paying full attention to her, and only her needs.

Maybe you know someone just like her? At work or in your personal life.

I’ve witnessed this person leave others utterly speechless with their emotional explosions, and sometimes it’s not noise and mayhem she creates, she can change the mood of a room, and even a party, with her coldness and silence.

In the past I’ve had to mentally prepare myself before I made a visit to her home: just in case the day I picked a drama was occurring, brewing or had just passed.

Remove them from my life?

No, I love them, it’s only a behaviour I don’t like. They do have some wonderful other qualities.

When someone is continually sucking you into their life drama, how can you stay apart from it and still be there for them?
How can you care and not allow someone else’s drama to become yours?
How can you create a safe relationship where both sides are equal, even if one person doesn’t think the needs of the other are important?
Can we?

Here’s my thoughts:

I think we can. But I also know (from the experience above) that we also need to protect and respect ourselves. Because maybe one day the drama will stop. I’m a big girl, I wish they valued another’s needs like they do their own, but for now they don’t.

#1 Stay off the Stage

The drama queens and kings like nothing better than to include people in their performance. You don’t have to take part; you don’t need to step onto that stage with them. Watch from the balcony, as soon as you start paying attention to the drama or the performance, pull yourself back to your seat.

Ask yourself: what can I do to help (not rescue) this person right now? Then do it. That may include walking away.

Ask yourself: what are they getting from this drama? Are they trying to tell me something that they can’t manage right now?

Ask yourself: what do I need right now? And do it. Nothing states anywhere you have to watch.

#2 Remember It’s Not Your Show

I’ll admit it’s difficult watching and listening to my friend going through the ‘dramas’, there’s a part of me that thinks ‘why do you do this to yourself?’ I know the answer: they are getting something from it. Play it cool. Don’t fuel their emotions with your own.

Whatever their reasons (which they will have) know it’s not your play, it’s not your story.

Be honest with the review. If you don’t like a behaviour say so, you can do this and still respect the other person. You could try:

“When (insert the behaviour) it makes me feel (insert the feeling), I would prefer it if you would (insert the desired behaviour).

Of course, they don’t have to listen. But if they don’t, that says a lot more.

#3 Bring Down The Curtain – Boundaries

All relationships have boundaries.

And these boundaries will be a different person to person. If you were a coach you would have fixed boundaries: the lines you never cross. Can friendships have the same? I think so.

Another friend of mine is always late. Not once in 16 years, they have never been on time, ever.

We do laugh at the time she traveled the world for a year and missed the last flight back to Edinburgh from London. We have boundaries now, the wait will be no more than half an hour. Give her time to be who she is, and us both a cut off point.

Boundaries keep you safe. So before an interaction with the dramatist:

Protect yourself for each interaction. Know what you will tolerate, and what you won’t. In coaching we agree times, perhaps you agree with the drama queen a ‘free reign’ of time, and that’s it?
Do what’s in your best interest and theirs. If you can’t listen, say so. If you need to create some space, create it.
Tell them what you will and won’t tolerate. And then know what you will do if it’s crossed. And stick to it.

Your Turn

I asked the same question on Facebook: some would ignore, but what about you how do you deal with people who create a drama out of everything? Do you?

Monday Morning Pep Talk: When You Hear The Words No

June 11 Dawn

I’ve done it too. I’ve had a dream and then before I even got past, ‘Wow, that’s so possible for me’: barriers were raised, resistance is reared and the dream is quickly extinguished.

I believe we spend far too much time with voices in our heads that do not belong to us.

Parents, teachers, friends, primary care givers — whoever, when you hear the word ‘No’, or ‘Not possible’, is it your own voice and truth, or does it belong to someone else?

Try this:

For every single ‘not possible’ or ‘I can’t’ or ‘I’ll never be able to’, and so on.

Simply, ask yourself ‘Says who’? Easy.

Examples:

I can’t do that. Says who?

I’m too fat, ugly, thin, unattractive, and so on. Says who?

I’ll never make it. Says who?

I’ll never love like that again. Says who?

I don’t have the confidence. Says who?

I’ll never find a job I love. Says who?

Life is so hard. Says who?

I’ll never get out of debt. Says who?

They would never hire me. Says who?

You have the opportunity here to work out where the real source of the resitance and barriers are, to dive into the shadows of your past to find out who planted the seeds of doubt in your mind of what you are actually capable of.

As soon as you start to see the truth, as it really is (not as you believe it to be), you discover that the barrier and resistance never belonged to you, was it someone else telling you no, because they never thought it was possible for them? Just a thought.

How to Defeat the Bogeymen* Before Breakfast

June 11 Dawn

*All inclusive, please read: Bogeymen. Bogeywomen. Bogeywhatevers.

dealingwithourfears — How to Give Yourself The Heebie-jebbies!!!

I woke up a morning last week with the Bogeymen Gang in my bedroom, there are six of these hard asses: there’s Fear (the leader), Terror (Fear’s sidekick), Dread and Worry, and the wannabes Guilt and Regret.

I’m pretty sure this doesn’t happen only to me, that there are some of you who wake up with an unexplained heaviness upon you.

You can’t put your finger on it, the reason why (yet) or maybe you do know, are there are events happening that are affecting your mental well-being?

In the past, this bogus-gang have settled themselves down for the day, week, even months.

I’m sure they will be back again.

Experience tells me if I don’t own the game they instigate and defeat them all before breakfast they own my thoughts for the rest of the day or can shadow my every move.

And quite frankly, screw that because most days I have plans.

Their game is simple:

Dread and Worry start the attack. Before I’ve even opened an eye I’m worrying about: family, friends, the pets, work, clients, my life, my purpose, the hole in the bedroom ceiling, on and on it goes, and as you know: thoughts trigger the emotions and feelings.

In no time at all, Anxiety has joined in. Then, I get concerned over what I should’ve, outta, could’ve done with Guilt and Regret. Fear and Terror just hover around encouraging those four +1 to keep at it.

Not fully conscious, but conscious enough: I call to arms my own homies.

My own sound like an advert for a Superhero movie (cue big booming start of movie voice), “Courage, Strength, Truth, Honesty, Energy and Bugger This, they save the day, one day at a time”

You may be thinking, ‘that’s right Dawn, make it happen, self-fulfilling prophecy and all that’, of course you’re right, yet this is my occasional battle, I think that morning is the last time, only for it to happen a few months later, I’m a work in progress here my lovely.

When fighting this head war, the very brave, one and only Bugger This is always first to step forward and scream, ‘Under attack. Who the let them in so early? Why today? It’s Saturday. We haven’t even had our coffee yet.’

Their cries jolt me fully awake and I leap out of bed with the phrase, ‘No, not today, I’m busy’

Battle Before Breakfast

If the above is you, I don’t have all the answers of how you can change this, here’s a few things that I do, try them if you fancy:

Take action: Maybe just take a few minutes thinking about your answer to: ‘The next time (makes an assumption there will be a next time, that may or may not be true for you), here’s what I will do…insert plan of action…to defeat the Bogeyman Gang (make up a name that doesn’t make sense, changes the program in your head) if they visit before Breakfast.

Ask yourself “How do I feel?” Know and train yourself to become aware of how you feel you when you wake up. Seriously ask yourself ‘How do I feel today?’ You’ll know that answer.

The next part is ‘How do I want to feel by the end of the day?’ Take a few seconds and identify five emotional words, then say them, play them on repeat all day in your head all day.

Listen to music: music changes a mood (can uplift and deplete energy), obviously it’s all a personal choice, and for me I play it loud, play it fast, and play it sing-a-along-y. Tinkly-pinkly water running affairs don’t do it for yours truly.

Exercise: if it’s not being used as a clothes drier, I nip on the treadmill, five minutes is all it takes for me to defeat the gang. Exercise has been proven release natural chemicals to lift negative and heavy moods. We all know that now I’m sure.

Break routines: for me it’s straight in the shower, where usually I take my time waking up, on the gang driven mornings, I break the routines. What routine do you follow that can be mixed up? Changing patterns will require to think about what you are doing, habitual patterns you have less to think about.

Self-care: Sarah at Holistic Hot Sauce asked me about my self-care routine a few weeks ago, and this is one moment when it matters. Having the best coffee in the house, taking time and savouring all I am thankful for, talking to myself like how I would care for a loved one going through a hard time or throwing the leads on the dogs to go for a longer than usual walk.

What About You?

Who are your Bogeymen/women/whatevers? How do you/did you go about beating them before breakfast, if they appear(ed)?

If you enjoyed this post, please share it with your friends.

Why Having 40 Winks May Be The Answer to Your Problem(s)

June 4 Dawn

Has anyone ever said to you while you battle with a problem, ‘just sleep on it’, followed by ‘it’ll look clearer in the morning?’

Have you consciously chosen to put something on the back burner or deliberately incubated a problem for a period of time?

Some research states you shouldn’t sleep on it others swear that getting some shut eye down for a few hours is an excellent idea.

I’m in agreement with the sleep on it people, works for me, but what about you, do you nap out your problems?

Can our problems be solved unconsciously?

I believe we learn best when the learning is unconscious, when we’re engaged in the learning as a complete system.

In learning, have you ever said, ‘where did the time go?’: you were in the flow, unthreatened, no frustration, curious and willing. Where the learning was challenging enough, but not overwhelming. You felt as if you were all there, the time flew by and at the end you just knew you were a lot smarter than when you began?

However with a problem however, have you struggled for days, felt extremely frustrated, ready to throw in the towel?

Did you feel anxious and desperate that you were never going to reach a solution, bored by it, angry even?

Lessons from Children

Have you ever watched a young child solve a toy puzzle?

These youngsters don’t have the linguistics yet to say, ‘oh geez, I’m so darned frustrated, my what a problem!‘, and they never in a teletubby minute give up too soon.

They just focus on the task, totally immersed, curious and stay that way until they solve the problem in front of them, or until they squeal with glee at the end result they have achieved, regardless if it matches the instructions on the box.

That was us once, wearing nappies, covered in droll and excellent problem solvers.

Perfect little sleuths we were: alert, observant and noticing everything around us. Collating all the clues we connected dots and came up with the best solution to the problems we faced.

We knew that in the problem was the solution.

Fecking geniuses all of us, at minus 700 days old!

What happened?

‘Our problems are more serious now!’ cry the grownups.

Yeah, whatever, still doesn’t excuse the fact you used to be remarkable at solving whatever was in your path. We didn’t even need training and management courses to show us how to be creative problem solvers, we knew no methods such as:

Brainstorming: coming up with lots of possible solutions and ideas, then finding the most desirable solution.
Divide and Conquer: breaking up a problem into lots of little problems that can be solved.
Research: finding out information and identifying who had the same problem and applying it to your problem.
Root Cause: identifying and taking away what caused the problem.
Trial and Error: test, test, test, test until you find the solution eventually.
Proof: proving it can’t be solved.

And other common methods such as:

Tossing a coin: heads I’ll do this, tails I’ll do that.
Denial: do nothing, refuse to admit there is a problem.
Opinions: as someone else what they would do and do the opposite!

Incubating and Napping Out Problems

The Latin for incubate is incubare which means lie down on, it’s not denial or ignorance.

Want to give it a go?

In order for incubation to work, you need (according to the big research people) to have completed a few steps first.

Step 1

Identify the desired outcome and understand the problem.
Decide specifically what you want to happen.
Knowing ‘how’ is not your concern, what would the problem look like fixed?
What needs changed?
What are you ultimately trying to achieve?
What you ‘end-result’ thoughts?
What is happening at present?
Pinpoint when the current ‘problem’ became a problem: what happened, why did it breakdown?

Step 2

What do you want to feel when the problem is completely resolved?
What will you hear?
What will you see?
What will you know that you don’t know now (odd question to ask, trust me, you’ll know!)

Step 3

Be a sleuth. Choose your preferred method for information gathering. Gather as much as you can, brainstorm, divide and conquer, pros and cons lists as possible solutions and ideas.

Are there better solutions to your problem?
What research takes you out your comfort zones?

Step 4

Have a go at solving it. You aren’t looking for the solution, you are merely having a go. Work hard on it, use the skills you have and apply the new skills and learning you gathered at step 3.

As we snooze, our brain is busily processing the information we have learned during the day.

Sleep makes memories stronger, and it even appears to weed out irrelevant details and background information so that only the important pieces remain.

Our brain also works during slumber to find hidden relations among memories and to solve problems we were working on while awake. Robert Stickgold Phd, Jeffrey M Ellenbogen Scientific American

Step 5

Let it go, leave it, sleep on it, incubate it.

Observe the solution when it appears. Huh? Be alert to the solutions.

Further Info:

Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi is known for studying happiness and creativity, he’s best known for his work on the notion of ‘Flow’. Here’s his TedTalks video which explains the theory, if you don’t have time watch from 14.00 secs to the end.

Over To You

What do you think? Sleep on it, or not? What’s your biggest problem solving tip. If you watched the video, could your problems be solved in a flow state?

Monday Morning Pep Talk: Your Life Has Meaning

June 4 Dawn

Have you ever said ‘I want my work to be meaningful’?

How about ‘I want to make a difference?’

And finally, ‘I want to be paid for my passions?’

Can we please address this:

Your life can still have meaning if you aren’t getting paid for your passion(s).

What!

Am I doing a 180 on everything on this website?

No.

I’m saying that if you don’t get paid for it, your life is still meaningful.

Ask those that love you for goodness sake.

What if all those questions had nothing to do with your career or what you get paid for?

Are all areas of your life filled with personal meaning? If not, what makes you think can find it in your career?
Are you making a difference to the people that are already in your life on a daily basis? Friends, family, neighbours, children, the person who serves you in the local shop, people you aren’t that keen on?
Are you reserving the energy of passion for a future you? Why not use it now?

I’m not being rude, you aren’t your job, and you aren’t a career, without them you’ll still exist.

What’s your goal?

a) To live a passionate and purposeful life, filled with personal meaning?

b) Or is it to get paid for your passions?