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Choose Yourself
I remember Indoor Games PE classes at Primary School, we’d all stand in line leaning against the wall bars waiting to be chosen after two class mates were given the task by our teacher to be team leaders. She would flick a coin in the air and shout, ‘Heads or Tails? Tails chooses first’ to decide which team leader got first dibs at picking.
If you were popular that week, you got chosen first
If you were good at games, you got chosen second.
If you had friends in the team, you got chosen third.
If you were a bully, you got chosen forth.
Then it became a hard choice for the selected leaders, they had their team pretty much in place and anything left in the line-up was surplus to requirements. The choosing would slow down. The leaders and those selected up to that point would have a little team-talk-huddle-thing to discuss the leftovers.
From what I remember there was a core group of around 8 children who were always left at the wall bars wishing the process to be over and begging not to be chosen last.
Being a chubby chick let’s just say when it came to springboards, apparatus, wooden horses and climbing ropes I … well … wasn’t great. I could get my legs wrapped around the knot at the bottom of the rope and that was it.
The springboard never seemed to bounce and spring for me like how did for others.
However, when it came to running, I was always chosen first. I couldn’t get my ass over a wooden horse with grace, but I could make it move on a track.
Today I’m wondering what would’ve happened if the Wall Bar Gripper Gang choose to be like Switzerland, an independent team. My imagination is running riot here, it would have been so awesome if it played like one of those Hollywood/Disney movies where the underdogs become the champions.
Are you clinging to wall bars, waiting at the side to be chosen?
Did someone ask you to line up there or did you go there yourself?
Are you waiting to be selected? How’s that working for you?
Yes, I know. You may be thinking choosing yourself is another cookie-cutter sound-bite from self-help-land. I know that you may may be thinking, ‘how the hell can I choose myself when I have no idea who the hell that person is any more!’ (Hint: A great starting point is your values.)
What could happen if you made a decision to appoint yourself?
What won’t happen if you don’t choose yourself?
If you aren’t choosing yourself first, what are you rejecting?
Little Notes to Inspire (3)
What’s good for your soul?
Do you know?
Are you feeding it enough?
The Sweats and Talking Yourself Out Of Stuff
A few years back, I was signing a group of 20 people in for their first fire-walk, and my first as the Instructor and person lighting the 15ft beastie.
Now, they knew it was my first, and yet here they were giving me their implicit trust for their safety and tootsies. Friends! Love them.
What they didn’t know (but do now) is I was freaking inside that night. In fact, I had been for two weeks in the run up. I had the sweats and I wanted to throw up every time I thought about it.
I don’t remember the day I decided I want to lead firewalks, it wasn’t a career choice at school. Then again for most things in my life, I don’t ever remember ending up at the end of the path I started on. You?
It just presented itself as most things do. Opportunities that come our way that we say yes or no to.
Well, over a decade ago I said yes to a firewalk so I could fund-raise, loved it, did a few more, thought I would like to train, did that and kaboom here I was. After the training I couldn’t wait to get started. The company I had completed a lot of my charity walks with made it look so easy, professional and a total breeze.
The reality for me on that first one as an Instructor was – I’d have been happy to have waited longer, my self-talk and thoughts were scaring the jeebies out of me ‘wait a little more, until you are totally ready.’
And as we both know being totally ready never comes.
Understand that I was totally confident with delivering the seminar before hand and I had covered everything I could think of when it came to Health and Safety, so what was going on?
I had walked on fire plenty times before as a participant, but here’s the thing: there is a massive difference between being the participant and being 100% responsible for a persons safety and well-being as they cross over 1500 degrees Fahrenheit of burning coals. Just a little.
You see, people don’t witness all the prep that goes into a fire-walk: the conversations, the checks, the visits to site, the choosing of every piece of wood, the preparing of the ground, permits obtained, visits to local fire stations and all the other pre-walk stuff to ensure that every possible ‘risk’ is at a minimum. Some people who book can’t believe how strict (yes, me, I know strange huh?) I am with health and safety. I have to be, participants trust that the people leading the walk have done everything to make sure it’s as safe as it can be.
So here I was with 20 people all excited, apprehensive, some scared, some with terror in their eyes and I was the one they had full faith in for their night ahead.
10 minutes before the seminar a willing friend of a friend asked me ‘So, this is your first one?’ to which I repled, ‘Yes’.
They then asked, ‘Are you nervous?’
Moment of truth.
The reply would have made their night one to remember, or one to regret.
I replied, ‘No. I was. But I am so ready now and really looking for to it? What about you? What made you sign up?’
They replied, ‘My little brother died of cancer a few years ago, I’m doing it for him. Can’t say I’m ready. But I will be.’
I think back to that night a lot, especially when I’m planning new projects, courses, even firewalks. I think what if I had stopped that night from happening. Would I have eventually got over my first one? But most of all I think back to that quick conversation. I can’t even remember the seminar or the walk itself, it’s all a blur. But that chat. It’s in there for good.
When the walk was finished, certificates given out, and final goodbyes were taking place the friend of a friend came over and said, ‘Tonight for me was more than walking on fire, thank you.’ I didn’t need to say, ‘What do you mean?’ I knew. Like you do, you know what he meant.
What if I had let fear win and dictate I wasn’t ready? I did nothing. I just made a safe fire, whereas he dealt with grief. That’s powerful stuff, sometimes I just can’t get my head around moments like that.
learning
1. Sometimes in our life we need to just stop playing our own crap and get on with it.
2. Sometimes in life we need to trust that for whatever reason we are in a situation, and even if it takes all the courage we have, we can lean in and trust that we are in the right place at the right time and we have all the resources we need to see it to the end. The outcome is always unknown until we reach it.
3. Sometimes in life we need to stop talking about paths and realise that life comes with no paths, we have access all areas.
4. Sometimes in life we never know the reasons why we have created the experiences we are having, but they could make perfect sense to someone else.
5. Sometimes in life our fear, nerves, excuses are no match to the service we can provide to others. Do the work you love.
As I write this there are a couple of days left to register for first live delivery of The Moxie Project, a course in courage and confidence (and getting stuff done). Maybe you think you’re not ready yet, or it’s not your time yet.
Maybe you, just like I was, are doubting what is possible for you and fear what you know you are capable of. Maybe when this happens, that is place, or you have that part fixed then you’ll be ready. Do it for you, you’ll never know how far reaching saying ‘yes’ can take you or the impact you could have on someone else’s life.
Lots of love,
Dawn
PS: What about you, do you have a really good piece of learning you got from not feeling ready but doing it anyway?
I F*cked It Up This Week, What Did You Do?
The week between Christmas and New Year is my navel gazing week. It’s the week where I get out all the creative bits and bobs, play the tinkly-pinkly-hippy-a-go-go music and ask myself what do I want to create next year?
Two projects that have my attention right now: Business Blogging School (or BBS as we call it) and the other The Moxie Project, which went ‘live’ last week.
BBS is just tickety-booing along all lovely, except for the last week when I caused the white screen of death for a couple of hours, but I knew exactly what was up so was easily fixed.
But The Moxie Project has been one problem of the technical variety followed by the next, and the next, and the next. It’s been a nightmare getting all the parts of that in perfect working order.
Now look, I know when I mump and moan that I’ve been 5 days sorting out bugs and looking at code, most people look at me as if to say, ‘And? You think you have problems?’ they are right of course. It’s not a problem, not really.
There’s a lot worse shit happening in the world.
People have real problems.
But you know how it goes, if it’s your problem, it always seems bigger than it actually is, huh?
During the Chaos of the Week That Was, it wasn’t just me seeing the problem, so were customers. Read: Arggghh!
You were buying because I f*cked up and had put a live link to the website.
In real life, this would be: have you ever had people drop by your house with we were just passing phrase and you were mortified because the place was a complete tip? One of you entertains the guests, while the other nips and gives the loo a quick clean?
That’s what it felt like, the site wasn’t ready. Things were disappearing, not working, getting stuck, heck, you name it – whatever could go wrong, went wrong.
In situations like these I recommend this:
1. Getting dressed because you can’t solve a crisis in your pyjamas.
2. Calling in help. Send the SOS.
3. Stepping away from the problem.
What!
I mean it. You can’t look at solving a problem while your mindset is fixed in the frame of ‘this is impossible to solve’.
I recommend walking away for a bit. Do something for you. Completely distract yourself from the current problem.
Here’s the truthful reason about screwing up:
Forget the technical bits and bobs – The Moxie Project is all based on the premise you’re allowed to F*ck It Up and be totally okay with it!
And here I was doing the exact opposite. I was so not okay with it.
Did I need this little reminder before we start? Me thinks so!
As I write everything is in perfect working order, thanks to some very lovely friends who I can call upon, the technical support was given, and the dogs who had extra walks this week. Could it break again? The answer is: maybe and I say this publicly, I am okay with it.
Take-away tip: if you’ve just scrolled to the bottom, you probably won’t remember this post in the next hour but you may recall the following video in a few months time. Get help, allow for support, step back if you need to, celebrate your achievements when you get there.
And, lastly. Want to join us at The Moxie Project – no, I won’t promise you perfection, but I can promise you support to becoming who you know you are.
There Is Nothing to Fear In Getting Paid. Pinky Promise
Maybe you know someone who has no fear but I can’t think of any solo business owner who hasn’t got some resistance somewhere when it comes to their business:
- Asking for payment + being paid.
- Putting themselves out there
- Hitting send and publish
- Speaking about prices
- Networking
The two that will ensure don’t have a business for very long is speaking about prices and asking for payment of services, or in short … selling.
For many they would rather run-away to hills and hang out for bit, they are what I call Stuck in Production Mode (or staying safe and bankrupt) with only doing the free creation rather than ask for payment.
Production Mode all depends on you and your business activities but I’ve seen it include: only offering free services, only offering free content, creating content (blogging, articles, guest posts) if online but missing or ignoring selling, no calls to action and marketing of services, doing things for people to help them out (while at the same time wishing they could be paid for their work), tweaking a website when it doesn’t need done, taking course, after course, after course when you already have the skills and resources your need but you would rather stay a learner than a seller.
Let’s face it, the excuse of ‘I’m not ready yet‘ is better than ‘I’m really fecking scared!’
Usually people stuck in Production Mode will have all the reasons and excuses not to sell: the website isn’t ready, the product isn’t perfect, I need to do this first (when they don’t), I’ve not done it yet because. Sometimes what they say is accurate but those resisting and stuck (I believe) 100% know the difference and when real reasons are just bullshit.
Look, we all need time to produce. We all need space to work out what the market wants and create it. But you haven’t got a business unless you take it to market and people buy it.
Even us, the people who don’t want selling and marketing to be like that guy, who want to stay close to our core values and not become slimy, sleazy, unethical beasts we still have to eat and pay the bills. Otherwise we don’t have a business, we have a very expensive hobby.
Many of the people I meet would rather throw up rather than ask for payment, sell or market. They would rather reduce all their prices with the mindset this will be cheap enough for people to say yes/come/take part. They only thing that happens when you keep changing prices, offering reductions, bargain offers, specials is people don’t trust your own pricing structure and you.
How can they? How can they really know what value and benefit your product or service is if you don’t have faith in it or keep it consistent?
Hate Asking for Money/Payment?
First, awareness is good. So you’re on track here. Second, it’s a confidence issue. Yours. I’d suggest you work through the issues you have about money and asking for payment of services.
I’m going to assume you are genuine and sincere about your work. You believe that what you do helps people and changes lives, and you are confident about your ability to deliver it. Am I right?
So can you see the faulty wiring needs repaired in you? You can see clearly when you know what you do is a solution to many folks headaches, yes? You aren’t selling a pile of old crap – what you do isn’t shameful, it’s not embarrassing, you have no need to feel any guilt about offering solutions to peoples headaches or nightmares.
You are helping people. That is the mindset to start with.
Next, the more you ask for payment of services (for what they are worth) the easier it becomes. While you waste time playing and dancing with resistance – the quickest way over it is to break it, you could be two-stepping around it for years otherwise.
How?
You need to communicate with the source: with the people who want or are interested in your services, your audience or ideal client.
It’s a waste of time asking everyone because they aren’t your market.
Ask them for feedback: offer a limited amount of free session each month. Ask people to comment on what you are working on. Only give people what they want to buy.
I can’t tell you how many solo business owners I know who are totally frustrated – having spent months creating a product only for no one to want it at the end. You can get out of Production Mode quicker if you know people are waiting on what you are offering.
Listen to your audience: ask them ongoing questions about what they want, perhaps ask them to take a survey, offer a space for them to tell you their common fears, frustrations, and solutions they want achieve.
Test the market: tell people what you’re working on, ask them for feedback, ask them to contribute their thoughts. offer beta products at a reduced cost.
Find out what they want: then produce it (assuming it is something that people pay for!)
Mention money somewhere: if you offer everything for free don’t be upset when people are bit peeved when you start asking for money. You set the tone, you raised that expectation not them. Have something to sell with the value of what it’s worth on your website, materials, marketing information – talk money. If you say you are business owner people know you sell stuff.
Offers/Reductions: you may be tempted to reduce everything, and give offers for everything you do. Or worse use language that isn’t yours but borrowed from someone else because you haven’t dealt with your own resistance: this is a steal, it’s a great offer, for today and Friday it’s only…
You are training your own audience that you are the ‘offer and reduction’ person. Worse (again) it may not be what the value is. It could be worth a lot more to the person who is going to get the results. Getting into the ‘cheap and free rut’ is really hard to pull yourself out from. If you don’t know the value and benefits to what you are selling, neither does your audience. On that, are you selling to the right audience?
Take action: resistance is like a rusty door. It’s not locked but it’s hard to open, almost impossible at first. But the more you push and scrape away at the old rust it gently begins to push. Get comfortable. Lean in. Work away at it.
If you’ve ever had resistance to asking for payment, how did you overcome it?