Dawn Barclay

Helping you align all that you do with your core values

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Dear Human, You’ve Got It Wrong

A friend shared this.

It blew me away. Perfect prose.

I want to share it with you.

It goes like this…

Dear Human,

You’ve got it all wrong. You didn’t come here to master unconditional love. That is where you came from and where you’ll return.

You came here to learn personal love. Universal love. Messy love. Sweaty love. Crazy love. Broken love. Whole love. Infused with divinity. Lived through the grace of stumbling. Demonstrated through the beauty of… messing up. Often.

You didn’t come here to be perfect. You already are. You came here to be gorgeously human. Flawed and fabulous. And then to rise again into remembering. But unconditional love? Stop telling that story.

Love, in truth, doesn’t need ANY other adjectives. It doesn’t require modifiers. It doesn’t require the condition of perfection. It only asks that you show up. And do your best. That you stay present and feel fully. That you shine and fly and laugh and cry and hurt and heal and fall and get back up and play and work and live and die as YOU.

It’s enough.

It’s Plenty.

Click the link to tweet: Dear Human, You’ve Got It All Wrong

No more words.

Except, do you know the author? UPDATE: On first posting I didn’t know the author. A wee comment, a quick email later and found. Written by Courtney A. Walsh. 

Dawn (Flawed and Fabulous!)

xxx

 

Trust Your Own Timing

Have you ever been fired up and nodding your head to inspirational quotes and messages that tell you to ‘never wait’, ‘seize the moment’, ‘the right time is today‘, yeah those ones, me too.

And I Tweet them, slap on Facebook, loving them on Pinterest like it’s my full-time job, and I make a few every now and then in case the world runs short.

Or have you spent time in the company of others who have said to you that ‘this would be a great next step for you’, ‘you’re so ready’, ‘take it’, ‘this has you written all over it, go for it’! 

I’m a huge advocate of there is no better time to start than now. Count me in.

But I’m also a massive fan of trusting your own timing.

Or we could go just say … trust.

Let’s talk about plants for a second. (It’ll make sense I promise.)

In my local park there is a stretch of path called Rhododendron Walk, it’s a meandering path of loveliness on hot days, a mud bath in Winter. It’s every shade of green in Summer and for 3 weeks in the Spring the rhododendrons give a standing ovation performance, spectacular in costumes of deep purples, pinks, reds.

(Think: ‘Ohhhhh, looky, how pretty! Gasp. Aw. Wow.)

On Friday last week there was no colour.

On Sunday there were buds with a teeny bitty bit of colour.

By next weekend the flowers will all be out partying. They aren’t on show any of the other 49 weeks of the year, those three weeks is their time. They trust that the frost has past, the snow has ceased, the light is long, the water and food will be present.

They haven’t been waiting, or holding back, they’ve been really busy, under the hood, doing things that plants have ‘gotta do.

They aren’t working up to their Spring Show just for yours truly, they are building all the time. Growing. Reserving. Gaining energy.  Shedding what’s needed. All the time in a process of change.

And there end-eth the not-a-botany lesson.

There have been times in my life when I’ve spoken about ideas, plans and goals, and yes, they excited me. Yes, I was tempted to just leap. It wasn’t fear, a lack of confidence or a doubt they didn’t happen then, it was because something was niggling me. Ever felt that yourself? It’s just not quite right?

It wasn’t a case of the jitters and nerves. Or not being ready.  But it was everything to do with feelings.

Feelings = the wonderful built in navigation system.

 

Insist on yourself.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Tweet-a-da-quote.

Perhaps you’ve said yes to a project or a piece of work, goal or desire but you knew at the time it wasn’t what you wanted, something was telling you ‘no’ but you ignored the message. How did it go?

Can you remember the last time you made a decision and you were all in? All over it felt good. Can you compare that time to an experience when you were all out of sync?

Trusting your own timing is trusting  your own self. It’s a brave quality.

It’s learning to stop, to not jump because you can, but to just listen and feel. To ask yourself the powerful question ‘is this for me right now’ and then being courageous to get to your own truthful answer. To be strong and realise when you are being coerced and swayed.

Not what others think is right timing.

Not what books, blogs, quotes with big text tell you is right timing.

Not what coaches, consultants, friends, family, Twitter feeds or Facebook friends say is right timing.

It’s about knowing.

That you are steady and confident in the decisions you take, that you are fully supported by you … first. How can a plant produce flowers if the stems aren’t strong enough to hold them?

That the decisions you make and take are consistent to your core, that you can remain true to what matters to you right now.

No overwhelm.

No rashness.

No squirrels.

No chasing.

No forcing.

No worry.

No pushing.

No manufacturing.

Some things just cannot be rushed.

Because the thing that underscores everything is being aware of the difference between reaction and action, and how it affects your life.

Reaction can sometimes be an excellent thing.

Sometimes opportunities present themselves when you least expect them, forcing you to leap – or not. Remember that bargain of a car that you saw on eBay and it’s still with you all these years later? Remember that time you entered that competition and won first prize? No, me neither … but you know what I mean. There are often times when that one opportunity rears its head and you just know that it’s a once in a lifetime thing.

However, that’s not to say that reaction is to be adopted as a way of life. Quite the reverse, really. Taking action, on your terms and in your own time, surely must be the way ahead.

Because those social media prompts, those friendly nudges, those pep talks won’t do anything for you if you feel that it’s not time to act – what they’re trying to do is to get you to react to them. What the feck? You’re a grown up. That’s not what grown ups want to be doing, is it?

Because how far you go is a matter of physics. How far you go in reaction to someone else’s initiative will depend on the strength of the force they direct towards you. If you’re being propelled by a push and a shove, it’s more than likely that you’ll only go so far before slowing down. Once that force has met with natural friction it will slow down.

However, if you start under your own steam and start to generate your own momentum, the flow of energy, enthusiasm and ideas propelling you forward, chances are you’ll gain speed, overtaking any obstacles in your way.

There’s no substitute for taking action when you know the time. There can’t be. Even science says so, ask the Rhododendrons.

You’ve Got Faults, You’re Not Good Enough

Confidence Quote

Ever quit because somebody didn’t like how you showed up in the world, picked faults and told you? 

Or, ever convinced yourself that you’re not good enough?

A couple of months ago I received an email from a rather angry person that said, ‘You have spelling mistakes, if you can’t spell why should I listen to you?’. 

The writer then took a few moments out of their day to tell me that I should polish up my grammar first, quit using so many exclamation marks and stop using swear words because … wait for it …it doesn’t suit a woman.

Did it hurt? I wonder if you expect me to say, ‘No, not at all, totally washed over me’ being the peep who talks endlessly about confidence, self-esteem and being yourself all the time. But I would be a lying.

Shit like that always stings!!!!!!!! (Damn those exclamation points. Must be because I have boobs or something.)

But a sting is quick right?

It’s a sharp pain that flares instantly and goes quickly.

In the past that sort of feedback used to make me question everything I was doing. 

You and I talk a lot about screwing and ignoring the naysayers and the critics. But even my own advice (applied on me) gets messy from time to time, especially when the Spelling Nazis and Grammar Gestapo are taking a march around.

If I allow it they can bite a little bit of confidence (the key words there are if I allow it … that is always my choice).

And I quote …

I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intention.

Augusten Burroughs

Tweet Quote

This uniformed lot hit one of my biggest shames and fears.

Shame?

Yup. Spelling, grammar – I used to hide the dyslexia diagnosis, a year or two ago I wouldn’t even dream of putting this down.

I would tell you privately, never in public. It was my hidden shame. I thought that if I told you, you would think (just like person in the email) that I wouldn’t be good enough. The fear? Being discovered and caught.

I replied to the email. Said thanks for the feedback and that was it.

Some thoughts …

1. When we feel shame we are in fear. Anything you’re hiding?

2. When we aren’t the full expression of who we really are, love is absent.

3. When we give the shitty and shameful parts of us some room to breathe (exposure = vulnerability) we give ourselves the opportunity to let go of the negative grip they have on us. Self love!

4. When we allow the fault picking guards, wardens and militia to rule us and our work/art/projects/ideas, we cannot create and release into the world our unapologetic great work.

5. When we are imprisoned by our own shames and the opinions and judgements from others it prevents us from dropping our own guard. We pay attention to their truth of who they think we are, as opposed to our own.

You’ve got faults, carry on now.

And if you really need help to ignore the naysayers and critics and show up as you in the world there is this.

Your Happiness Is Not An After Thought

Oh, so many miles have been trundled in these hot slippers!

I’m craving a l-o-n-g walk, I’m due a brain-clearing. I’d like a minimum 7 days, 150 miles. Looking at the South West Coast Path or the Pennine Way, both a tad longer.

I was never a long distance walker until one day I just went for a walk.

I long for the silence, to be disconnected and yet fully connected.

I need to light an outdoor fire, sit by it and watch day become night, I need to sleep under canvas, sip wine and just hang out with my mate Ms Nature for a while. I need to feel every muscle in my body ache at the end of the day. I am still a hippy chick at heart. 

I’ve also said four times in the past month that the walk will ‘need to go on the back-burner’ for a little while: work commitments and promises made elsewhere. 

What?

There are no back-burners here. None that I knew about.

I will change the plans.

I will make better promises.

Things can be shuffled.

Needs: your personal needs cannot be queued up at the back.

Never ignore instincts: if they speak, listen up.

When you stop taking care of your own needs you are saying ‘my needs don’t matter’.

Take a moment. Think. Go for a walk. Is there anything that you have been putting on the imaginary back burner that needs to come on the front rings?

This isn’t about ‘finding time to fit it in’, this is about caring for your emotional and mental well-being. What do you need right now? No lectures, say yes to yourself, that’s all.