E.E. Cummings once said ‘it takes courage to grow up and be who you really are’.
Are you constantly worried about what people say about you?
Do you seek the stamp of approval seal, the permission, the go-ahead, the say-so from others just to be yourselves?
Scared to say to the world that ‘this is who I really am’?
Let’s get going by stating the obvious:
1. There will people that just don’t like you…
What you’re doing, who and what you are, your values and the image you project onto their world.
Do it anyway.
You’re never going to please them, so why the heck are you trying to?
2. Some people will always love you.
Care for you and wish you success in whatever you do.
They’ll root for you, be your biggest cheerleaders no matter what.
Do it anyway.
3. And now brace yourself for the not so obvious (it may hurt a little)
There will be a handful of people who you think are a Number 2 above but are in fact a Number 1.
They are waiting, willing and wanting for you to fall on your arse.
And the more visible you make yourself at stepping away from their version of normal, their view of their world or their comfort zones, the more they will talk.
Do it anyway.
You may never know who they are.
- There is no way you’ll please everyone. In life you can sit back and wait until you have the approval of everyone around you before you can make a change: it’s not coming.
- You can give up your right to live authentically and honestly, so that you never become the topic of conversation: what a waste.
- You can trim yourself back and keep parts of you hidden, but you’ll kill all that is special about you.
- You can continue to stifle yourself, your creativity, your dreams, your plans, your wishes and passions.
Or, you can say ‘screw it’, get yourself buckled up and drive off in the other direction.
Will you leave some people standing?
Will some people be sitting waiting for you to return and fill you with ‘I told you so’. Maybe.
Only you can make the decision to never be held in an imaginary prison created for you by other people’s opinions.
A Lesson From Bond, James Bond
Sean Connery is from Edinburgh, my hometown.
When ‘Msh Moneypenny Connery’ is out of town and making the headlines folks say ‘I remember him when he was just a milkman, who does he think he is now’ and when he’s in town they are lining the streets to touch and congratulate the man. See, Number 3’s!
Do you think for one second Connery worries and concerns himself with the people who are bitter about his success and former career as a milkman? Em, no!
Okay, maybe Connery is not a great example, here’s another:
A woman wants to return to work and with little formal education she attends a training program, as each day passes she learns something new about herself.
She comes to a decision that her current life is not the same one she wants for her future.
So she makes changes.
She no longer wants to go to the same places, do the same things, keep the same company and maintain certain friendships.
People in her life who are content and happy with the ‘way she is’ begin to struggle and can’t understand it when the current comfort zone (they both existed in for so long) is no longer good enough for her.
So the relationship changes, a distance is created.
She becomes the ‘outsider’.
Now some of her once ‘well wishers’ need to know that they are right for not having stepped out from the ‘norm’, so they begin to create alliances with the rest of the pack.
They meet, they discuss, they talk about the outsider, forgetting in their berating and belittling that they once connected and shared.
They now look forward to the day she falls on her face.
The Do It Anyway Lessons
1. People will always talk. Always. There is no doubt in my mind that when I have just ten minutes breathe left inside me, I won’t be thinking about all the people I didn’t please.
How about you?
Give yourself one good reason why they should matter now.
2. I may however be full of regret of what I didn’t manage to squeeze in.
What comfort zones are you currently living in that you know are no longer good enough for you?
What will happen if you stay there?
3. Many people (in my experience) are terrified of stepping away and out from the safety of a ‘closed’ group. So they remain static, however the longer you try and please everyone, all the time, the longer you are moving further and further away from who the hell you are.
Have you seen the film Educating Rita (the scene in the bar), get your hands on a copy and watch.
4. To remain in a comfort zone that no longer fits you will crush your passion, motivation, integrity and authenticity.
What are currently putting off because of the fear people may talk?
5. Do It Anyway.
Dr Seuss quote sums this up,“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
6. If you do fall, it’s 99% certain you are going to fall forward not back, get up, keeping moving, ignore the naysayers.
7. The stamp of approval seal…you need no permission. Ever.
Get yourself out of the waiting room of life, people remain in there all their years, waiting on the all clear to be themselves.
It will never happen, that call you’re waiting on is only one you can make to yourself.
I thought I would end with a poem, it’s not mine it’s written by a lady called Agnes.
I didn’t know her personally and her life was received with a positive and negative reception, just like yours and mine.
But whatever people said, her critics and supporters, her life was definitely ‘I did it anyway’…
Mother Teresa’s Anyway Poem
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self entered; Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God; It was never between you and them anyway.
Want more? Sign up for my FREE newsletter "Moxie Musings" (not that it's called Moxie Musing, I just thought I'd better call it something less boring than 'Newsletter'), and you'll also receive: The Toolkit includes Dare to Be You - a little pep talk/love letter thing from me to you.