What Is Confidence?

Confidence is pretty easy to define:

1. Trust or faith in a person or thing
2. The state of being certain

Okay…yada yada yada. Dictionary defintions don’t cut when a lack of confidence and low self esteem exist.

But getting to a definition of confidence, one that is going to suit everyone is rather tricky.  It’s so darn personal.

How does the following grab you?

Confidence is your ability, determination, resilience, positivitity and motivation to reach your end result.

Combined with the dictionary definitions it would read:

‘that you trust yourself enough that whatever you set out to achieve you will adopt the mindset that it is possible, that you’re able to follow it through, no matter the setbacks, jumping the fear to get to wherever it is you want to go.’

Is the ‘problem’ we can’t physically see confidence, we feel it, it’s a mindset, a behaviour, a way of being.

You definitely know when you have it and when you don’t, and isn’t it funny how we can feel high confidence in some areas of our lives, and none in others.

For example, you can be a confident parent and at the same time lack confidence in a social situations.  You can confidently discuss your plans, hopes and dreams with friends but lack the confidence to discuss these same topics with a potential employer during an interview.

When working with clients, they may start by saying ‘I’m not confident’, however in no time at all, we usually are talking about fears:

• the fear of failure
• the fear of ridicule
• the fear of judgement
• the fear of lack
• the fear of change
• the fear of being authentic
• the fear of uncertainty and so on.

And To Confuse Matters We Attach Confidence to Success

Confidence is not success and success is not confidence.

Let me give you an example of why I believe this is true:

Let’s say you have just walked out of an interview and you 100% feel you have done your best: you know they liked you, you answered amazingly well, you leave feeling fantastic, there is NO way they would not employ you, people phone you and you say ‘its in the bag’.

Then, two days later you receive the slim, white enveloped ‘no’ letter.

Bang!

You’re all tears and snotters, then anger.

You may start the mental process and think ‘what’s wrong with me’.

You’re so gutted, you may decide, after one life event not to apply for a job for a while.

In fact, you may decide not to get excited about applying for work again.  You decide that you will not put as much effort, planning or thought into your next interview. Then surprise surprise you then believe that you are not worthy of a job anyway!

And there we have it.  An example of success and confidence having a rather wicked relationship and playing havoc with your brain and you’re your emotions.

The two are related that’s sure.  But distant relatives.  Second cousins. Now imagine the letter said ‘yes’ your confidence about your success would be through the roof.

You would associate the two are one and the same.

Here’s a some questions to help you discover what confidence means to you.

They’ll help you determine your own definition of confidence, I would suggest to you to write the answers our, and spend time on them.

Maybe start today and then revisit again at the weekend?

• When you say ‘I’m not confidence enough’, specifically what do you mean?
• When you say ‘I wish I were more confident’, what behaviours and attributes would you have?
• In what areas of your life do you wish you had more confidence?
• What 3 words would you use to describe confidence?
• Has there been a time in the past when you felt more confidence? How did it feel?
• Was there an event that happened (an experience) which you can pinpoint as the start of the lack?
• If it doesn’t change, what will happen?
• If it did increase, what will happen?

Let me know how you get on with those, feel free to leave a message below, if you’re stuck or need clarification.