Assertiveness – What Is It?

To some, when assertiveness or ‘asserting yourself’ is mentioned it conjures up a lot of negativity, simply because assertiveness (positive) is confused with aggression, it is not the same.

What is Assertiveness?

Assertiveness is a way of behaving.

It is communicating confidently to others about your want, needs and feelings. It’s not about being aggressive or abusive, manipulative, or passive. It is loving empowerment, not abusing power. Having your human rights met without taking anyone else’s away.

Assertiveness by Definition

Assertiveness is a behaviour that expresses the person’s feelings, attitudes, wishes, opinions or rights with directness and honesty. It encompasses respect for the feeling, attitudes, wishes, opinions or rights of the other person.

Testing Your Own Assertiveness

How do you know if you lack assertiveness? Below are a few questions for you, answer yes or no:

• Are you able to say no to unreasonable requests made of you? How do you feel when demands are placed on you that you feel are unjust and unfair?
• Do you feel guilty when you change your mind?
• Do you believe you are a confident, valued and worthy human being?
• Can you handle difficult, awkward and conflict situations?
• Do you feel awkward with silences?
• Do people ‘hear’ you not just listen to you?
• Do you feel awful if you make mistakes?
• Do you have the confidence to ask people to repeat what they have said?
• Can you communicate clearly your wants, needs, and feelings?
• Can you persist to adovate your own and others rights?
• Do you let others ‘put’ you down, and walk all over you?
• Are you able to say exactly what you feel without any backlash?

Obviously if you answered yes to all the questions above, you are assertiveness. If you answered no to the majority, then perhaps a missing lesson for you is assertiveness.

Here’s The Good News

Assertiveness can be learned. It’s a skill once mastered last a lifetime. Yes, the ‘skills’ require practice and to fully use you may need to work on confidence and self esteem first.

Photo Credit Me’nthedogs (thank you)