I’ve just been supporting a client complete an application form, one of the ‘essential’ criteria for the role listed in the job description is ‘effective communication skills’. (My brain asked ‘effective to what, to whom’?)
What I regard as effective communication skills are going to be very different to yours.
Are they…
Listening – there is such truth in the saying ‘we have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak’, so why are most of us not that great at it?
Real listening, the ‘listening to understand, not respond’ is tough going for our busy ‘fill in the blanks’ brains. When did you last really listen?
Empathy – being able to identify with what another person is feeling. Saying ‘I know how you feel’ is not the same, as ‘I understand how you feel’ (because we cannot ever truly know how a person is feeling). We all have our own ‘maps’ and our own references to the world around us. True empathy is about being able to understand and step into another’s world and to it view from their experiences, not ours.
Genuineness – the ability to be honest and true about who and what you are. Congruence is a similar word meaning: you are what you say you are. When you communicate it’s the real you not a made up, fake, false representation.
Non-Judgemental – remaining open minded and hearing another view point, even when you completely disagree? It’s a tough one, like listening many say they ‘don’t judge’. That means sometimes holding onto your own opinion, complete acceptance that what the other is doing, being or saying is right to them!
Seeking Clarity – have you ever received the wrong message? Misinterpretation? Did you seek clarity? Understanding? Were you able to backtrack and clear up what the message meant? There is always time to revisit and ask for specifics.
Being Present – be there, mind and body. Give the messages you receive 100% attention. Stop everything else and focus.
Confidentiality – not just reserved for the therapists couch! Developing your own code of ethics is simple; ask yourself this ‘when I disclose information to another what would I expect’? Give the same in return.
What would you say are ‘effective communication skills’?
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