You may have completed a personal development programme or an assertiveness building course where you learnt how to say no and mean it.
However saying yes can also increase your assertiveness and self esteem.
Here’s what I mean…
Of course there are times when saying no counts and it’s meant. Usually, when we are being manipulated or forced into something by others. If assertiveness is the ability to express our needs, wants, rights and wishes without taking away anyone else’s…are we unassertive with our own selves at times?
Here is the mix up…some of you automatically say no to great offers, fantastic opportunities and brilliant chances not because you are being assertive but perhaps you are genuinely frightened and scared to say yes.
Think about it for a minute, how many times have you said no yet deep down you knew that it would be good for you? For example, it could be a social opportunity, let’s say a party. Your asked, you say no and then when the time arrives when the party is happening, you wished you were there, you have regrets missing out and tell yourself you will say yes next time.
Perhaps you say ‘yes’ and then you talk yourself into a no. Maybe you have signed for a course and when the day comes to attend you wake up and decide not to go. Yet, you knew when you said yes it was just what you needed at the time, it was perfect for you, it would have met your needs and wants.
In these cases the saying no isn’t assertiveness but a lack of confidence.
How can you say yes more often…
Try not give an automatic no…follow your instinct, you will know when a no is required and mean it. By pausing you can…
Picture the benefits you said yes…but what if it doesn’t turn out that way? Hey you don’t control everything. At least you will be preparing yourself.
If you say no, weigh up what you would be losing
If you say yes, tell yourself what you would be gaining
By being able to say yes and no will increase your assertiveness skills.
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