Dear Moxieologists, a story first…
Between 1993-2002 I volunteered for a children’s charity.
The charity was small and provided residential breaks to young people at risk. The word risk pretty much says it all really, it needs no further explanation.
I loved it.
It was tiring. Fun. Inspiring. Eye opening. Exhausting. Scary. Exasperating. Hysterical, either though laughter or through tears. It was pretty emotional whacking love work. Some days I was great at it, on others I sucked.
In my first year, I put my name down to work a wintry break in October, the group was aged 8-10 years.
Long story short, a child disclosed abuse taking place at home.
Now, if you work in this area you know how this goes. If you don’t there are strict rules of what you can say, what you can’t say, what you legally have to do with the information, what you must explain to a child and so on.
It’s not easy and once it’s reported what happens next is out of your hands.
So it went out of mine. The child finished their holiday and on arrival home the authorities took over. I went home hoping that I had did all the right things.
That was my first experience of an abuse disclosure, sadly there were more, the training (although excellent) didn’t prepare me.
Fast forward 8 years and another holiday. This one for teenagers. After the initial welcome, all the teens who smoked wanted a cigarette.
Because they were legally allowed to smoke, the charity knew they would smoke whether it was permitted or not, so the safest way was to agree with the young person they would only smoke with supervision before they came away.
So, there I was standing outside with a 6ft young man supervising , ignoring the smoking, I started to find out who he was.
After a couple of minutes he turned and said to me, ‘Dawn, you don’t recognise me do you?’ I didn’t. I hadn’t a clue. The horrible moment when someone knows you and you don’t know them. Urgh!
See, I never read their rap sheets, I always preferred to wait and meet the person rather than meet a second hand opinion.
Here he was. The boy who disclosed abuse. The boy who sat speaking of experiences that no 8 year old should have any knowledge of.
The boy who destroyed a room, not out of malice, purely to get someone to listen.
I’ll admit, I felt really bad not recognising him and then worried because I didn’t know what he was going to say next.
He freely gave me the missing years. He went to live with another family member, told me he was really happy there and he then said, ‘Thank you’.
Why am I sharing this with you?
Making a difference is not about waiting for the right time, right project, right business, right career, right people or the right cause.
When people say to me they want to make a difference I know they mean they want to help change the world by the actions they take. They feel they have to do something of epic proportions.
Making a difference is not always about the biggest impact, it can also be the smallest impacts in a big way.
Making a difference is a way of living your entire life, I don’t believe a make a difference life is something that is switched on and off at a time that suits. It’s all the way or nothing. What do you think?
Every day difference. How?
- A warm smile to a stranger.
- Asking someone if they’re okay. Just kind words.
- Making someone a drink without asking if they need one.
- A touch on your partners hand when you have no need to do so.
- When you ask a question and stay around listening to the answer.
- For giving people the chance to speak their truth without any judgement on your part.
- Send a card. Drop a gift.
- The gifts of encouragement and saying ‘I believe in you’.
- A hug at the right moment.
- Saying ‘I hear you?’
- And on, and on, and on, the simplicity makes it different.
Sometimes I think making a difference is about knowing the norm and doing the exact opposite.
Making a difference is about being diverse in your actions. No two people are the same, you make a difference by recognising this and acting accordingly.
The difference you make to a person at any given moment in time may be your only chance to give it, just at the point when they need it most.
I guarantee you it requires no major life overhaul. It’s a simple choice, with epic results. We don’t know when we are making a difference.
Take the words ‘making a difference’ and turn them into a daily gift. The best gifts have to be shared and passed along.
As the saying goes …
“People may not remember exactly what you did, or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel. Remember what you do echoes in eternity.”
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