On Doing for Others But Not for Yourself

Some of the nicest, kindest, compassionate, empathic and loving people I know are also the meanest.

Where they can do for others, they struggle to be for themselves.

When they see others suffer they offer words that extend compassion, kindness, and love:

you are beautiful

you are amazing

you are so courageous

you are worthy

you are pure love and loving

whatever happens you will be okay

this time will pass

don’t be so hard on yourself

we all make mistakes, let it go

However they tell themselves other stories,

you’re useless

you’re a big fraud

who do you think you are?

you’re not worthy

you’re a fool, a failure

you won’t ever be good enough

nobody loves you

you’re a waste of space

you have no value anywhere

you’ll never be happy

I know how painful it can be when locked into a pack of lies. They know – and so do I – that the way they speak to themselves either brings peace, joy, love and happiness, or – if they choose the other – it creates fear, doubt, anger, frustration and unhappiness.

There’s a block.

A door that they are willing to walk others up to and through, but they struggle to keep it ajar from themselves to enter. Sometimes they have a glimpse of what lies over the threshold, moments – although fleeting – when they are extending inwardly what they put out freely.

But why don’t these moments last? Why does it always feel as if they are always standing on the outside of this door? They have an invite. Why not accept it? 

This blog post doesn’t have the answer. As I much as I would love to think a blog post can change your life, it probably won’t. Maybe you will get an a-ha here, perhaps something will awaken in you where you can derive your own meaning, insight and conclusion. If I gave you a quote, would that help? Okay, ‘Would you speak to your best friend the way you speak to you? No? Why do it then?’, you probably don’t have time right now to really explore your answer do you?

It appears,

It’s always easier to help others before we do for ourselves.

Would that mean that people are more loved and cared for than they think they are?

I’ve come to realise in my life is, change – although constant – takes us a while to implement. We keep on doing what we’ve always done until the time when the pain and suffering can’t be held. Or, until the time when we have opened our hearts to even considering there may be another way.

Here’s a plan, maybe the next time you extend love, kindness, compassion, understanding and empathy towards another you simply remind yourself that was is in them is also in you: you can’t give out unless you have it to give.

Maybe you could take a moment to remind yourself these words as you speal, ‘What I want for you I want for myself’.

What could happen if you be for yourself what you do for others? What if you remained the meanest person in your life?