Let’s talk about ‘shooting yourself in the foot’.
Translation in case it’s a UK-ism.
From the Dictionary of Dawn: ‘going so far with an idea, plan, intention, goal, dream, change, transformation and then stopping or always finding an excuse(s) not to complete what you began because you’re scared, usually an unconscious act because it’s deep rooted in some nonsense beliefs and thoughts you have about a past experience’.
Want examples? Okay, I’ve plenty, I’ve done a lot of shooting.
1. Being really excited about a new job you’ve seen advertised that you know is made for you, so you send away for the application form, complete half of it, the deadline approaches, and then you excuse yourself by thinking, ‘Oh, what’s the point I’ll never get it’.
2. Booking yourself on a local class for 20 weeks in a subject you have always wanted to learn, you pitch up for the first five weeks, it’s harder than you thought it would be and everyone else appears to be more ‘skilled’ than you. On the sixth week you talk yourself out of going.
3. Having spent years retraining for a new career, you decide you need to have a website for your new venture. You build one, and build one, and build one, but you never get round to hitting publish – it’s never quite ready, and then you excuse yourself by thinking, ‘No-one will take you seriously unless it’s perfect’.
4. You have poured your heart and soul into a piece of work, a story that will help others – maybe a project, a blog post, a piece of training you want to share with others – but before you come to tell anyone about it you excuse yourself that you aren’t good enough to share it.
5. You have a new business, you are so excited to get started, when you do you notice others doing the same as you, because they have been at it for years you don’t share your voice, excusing yourself by thinking, ‘I don’t have the right, they are much of an expert than me’.
6. You create, create, create, create, create, create but never ship (words of the writer Seth Godin) – you don’t tell anyone about your creations in case they don’t like them.
7. You spend half your life personally-developinging-yourselfy, and never feel quite ready to live the truth of who you really are, you convince yourself there is something ‘missing’ and when you get that answer then life begins. (Gulp!)
I could go on.
As an ex-foot-shooter myself, here’s a few thoughts around my understanding:
Are we both agreed that foot shooting – the excuses, stepping back, procrastinating, worry what others think, failing, falling, being wrong, not good enough, not expert enough, not quite ready – is fear, yes?
Now, think about this.
Hang onto your panties.
Fear cannot exist in the present, it only exists in the past and the future.
Eh?
Thought. It’s all thoughts. Projection from the past into the future – missing the present.
You know that old cliché ‘life begins at the end of your comfort zone’, allow me change it ‘life has no comfort zones when you quit bringing the past into the present by your thoughts alone and projecting them into your future’.
See, shooting yourself in the foot isn’t a ‘in the now’ thing.
You are shooting because of your past thinking (and thoughts about past experiences comes out into the now as feelings).
“No-one will take you seriously unless it’s perfect.”
That didn’t just come out the blue. You thought it up. Maybe someone laughed at something you created in the past, maybe someone criticised it, maybe someone told you that is was ‘Just not good enough and try harder next time’. Perhaps in the past you weren’t taken seriously and although you can’t remember the event, you can remember the feeling.
‘I don’t have the right, they are an expert compared to me’.
You thought that up too. Maybe you were taught to listen to authority, don’t question, follow the rules … in the past. Or perhaps you were laughed at and belittled when you voiced your opinions in the past. Told not to be silly and stop being a fool. Or heard the ‘do what I say or else’ line from a giant above you.
‘Oh whats the point I’ll never get it’.
How do you know oh fortune teller you? You thought it up. Maybe you haven’t got something you wanted in the past. We all have. But maybe you had attached so much to the outcome of ‘getting it’ and you can’t let go of the let down. Perhaps you’ve had past feelings of being rejected (not wanted) which you don’t want to feel again (shooting self in foot = protection). And hey, and that could have happened in a personal relationship which has spilled into your work life.
Oh, the angst!
Okay, here’s an idea.
The next time you find yourself ‘shooting yourself in the foot’ do this … it’ll challenge you … ready … do nothing.
Nothing?!
Nope. Have you ever tried to focus while at the same time you were shooting your foot? Pushing. Pushing. Pushing. Getting frustrated, disheartened, annoyed at yourself, telling yourself to get a grip?
How on earth can you find peace with those thoughts and feelings? How can you make good decisions when your state of mind is all over the place?
When you become aware of the excuse(s) and reason thoughts (and it could be a string of words in your head) that is doing the shooting, let them get past.
I mean, don’t follow them. Let them come in, let them drift out.
Easy? Um, yes. It’s just thought.
Your thinking is never permanent.
However when it comes to shooting and sabotage we bring up temporary thoughts of the past.
And if you are ‘fearing’ remember the line – fear cannot exist in the present, it only exists in the past and the future – just tell yourself (over and over and over) something like (and pick your own words), ‘Hey me, this is old thinking, move alone’ or ‘Well, hello, past thoughts’ or ‘Recycled garbage’.
In order to feel what you think, you need to give it some energy, you give it energy by focusing on the thinking, let it drift, let the thought bin itself.
You aren’t shooting yourself in the foot, you are living in the past. Got it?
‘Till next time, think well.
Love.
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