I’ve reached 50! And I Know Nothing …

Tomorrow is the big 50!

Or, if you want to say it phonetically. The Big Five Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Yeah, people say it that way. To my face. The shits.

I have made it with not many grey hairs on the top of my head, but a copious amount of chin hairs (under 50? You will join me one day, you will get them, I cannot prepare you for the horror) and laughter and fag lines that look like a century old map. Go me!

Wait, I need to let that sink in…

Half a century.

Wait.

Serious. I need a pause.

HALF a century. Feck.

Feck.

Wait.

Wow.

Ouch.

Now, I am sure I will look back on this on 25/02/2031 and think ‘Dawn, what a young thing you were, you had all that time in front of you!’ as I hit 60 (with a shitty pension).

A friend just whatsapped (or is it Whatsapped, or ‘Whata-apped, I dunno!) and said ‘Are you excited?’ My reply, ‘Yes, No, Maybe. Jo, it is a milestone.’ 

If you are over 50, you’re probably sitting there thinking to yourself, ‘Barclay, get a grip, you are only 50, you know nothing! Wait ’till you get to [insert age]’. 

You’d be right. I know nothing.

No, no, no, no, that’s not true. I’ve lived life eventful, ask my parents (still alive and kicking and raise their eyebrows often) who also keep me grounded on Facebook. Most of the past 50 years made of crap I have either a) created myself, b) allowed to happen, c) put up with for too long and the rest made up of utterly wonderful. Pretty much 50/50!

Do I have regrets of the past half a century? No. Do I wish I had stuck to different path? Are you kidding me? HELL YES! Seriously, come on, hindsight is wonderful!

I don’t know anything for anyone else, including you, but I’d like think I have learned some stuff I could share with others and they really got it. It’s nothing to do with the ‘I don’t want you to make the same mistakes hoohah’, geez, make your mistakes. Own them. Make them. You will anyway.

I’ve always held to a saying, ‘the older I get the less I know’, as I am allowed to change my thinking, I now want to say ‘the older I get the less pish I will put up with!’ 

So ladies and gents. Drum Roll Please. Without Further Ado. A normal persons guide to ‘Ach, Shit. I am 50 tomorrow, do I have anything I can write about that’? 

I give you …

50 Things (Short and Sweet, You Can Scan Them) From Someone Who Is Turning 50 Tomorrow and Knows Nothing Except What She Knows

1. Kindness matters. Gee. If you are in your 20’s, 30’s, 40’s … this is real! It MATTERS.
2. And so does forgiveness. What? Aye, it does.
3. Asking for help is honoring your weaknesses (go you!). You really will never know it all. Help is in abundance all around you, reach out.
4. Tomorrow is a gift (start seeing it that way, WILL change your life). Really? Yes.
5. If you don’t have anything nice to say, shut up, constructive is nice, so is tolerance.
6. Hard conversations won’t go away, they will make them harder to have, and put years on you.
7. You always know the right thing to do (now, this moment), and if it wasn’t right, this is the journey called life, welcome earthling. I am not saying it was the RIGHT thing to do, it was the right thing to do now.
8. You can’t change anybody (you simply don’t have that power), you can only (read: only) change yourself.
9. Follow your gut, it never lies (if it doesn’t feel right, it’s not), that niggling feeling, listen to the bugger. You know this stuff. You know! Trust yourself. Please.
10. Shit that happened back then does not define you, it may follow you about for a bit, but nobody knows the whole story, do they? You don’t have to fill in the blanks for them, but, you can read them the correct version.
11. Change is hard work. End of. No, you’ve heard it’s not? Bull. It is. Not impossible. It can just be hard.
12. There are 2 ways to lose weight, and they need to be done at the same time and sustained: eat well and exercise. And learn all about self-esteem. That, my friend, is where the key is.
13. You aren’t the centre of the universe. WE are the centre of the universe we are sharing. get over yourself. What? Sorry, not sorry, but you  and I are merely passengers. End of.
14. Life can change moment to moment, stop thinking you are the driver of everything. Hate to tell you. But you are a passenger.
15. Keep smiling. Short. Sweet. Find the humour. It’s there. Somewhere.
16. You aren’t a lot of folks cup of tea. Nope. Some folks ‘dinnae like you. Hey ho. Ah well.
17. That shit you are going through will change you. Forever – ever – ever. Good.
18. Don’t become hard, become wiser.
19. Any relationship that is broken can be fixed if you want it to be and are prepared to work for it, unless it isn’t, in which case it’s broken.
20. Ask for what you want – might not be given, ask anyway. To who? Yourself. Ask for yourself what you want from you.
21. No. Is a full sentence. Boundaries. Life. The Lot. Don’t like it? Don’t do it. End.
22. You will always like the people who tell you what you want to hear more than those who don’t. Think about it. You need allies. Goes back to primal times. Belonging. But do the ones telling you not what you want to hear need some radio time?
23. People who start a sentence ‘With respect…’, are about to disrespect you. So are the ones saying ‘It’s not a criticism’. Ah well.
24. You don’t have to be brave and badass, you just have to learn to be you. Being human is badass enough.
25. Learn tolerance. But don’t back down from bullies et al.
26. This is my list so I will say getting utterly shit faced from time to time is okay. Do it in the most humorous company.
27. Nobody else made your choices/decisions. Yeah, sorry about that. Sucks? I feel your pain!
28. People will push your buttons, you get to decide if you react. And sometimes they will deliberately push ’em. Learn No 24.
29. Someone always knows more than you. Oh. Stinger.
30. Surround yourself with people that lift you up and you them. Don’t expect others to do for you what you have to do for yourself.
31. No time is too long to reconnect with anyone
32. Would you rather be happy or right all time? The answer to that is happy. No? We need to talk.
33. Happiness is a choice. I don’t care what you have went through. We all have our story. We can choose happiness. See numbers 1 – 32, and 34 – 50!
34. Meh Days. Yeah, we all have them. Ride them. You are stronger and braver than you think. Probably you are. But until you learn that. Ride the MEH days. Honour them as MEH days, not MEH weeks or months.
35. Your going to screw up time and time again, ah well, so be it.
36. The only thing you can control is how you feel about it. Okay. I know this is a rough one to swallow. I know it for my life. But it’s true.
37. People stop asking if you have kids when you reach 49
38. Everything is temporary. Thank goodness or oh no. See number 36.
39. Sex and making love, the difference is poles apart. Chose the latter.
40. Let (fucking) go of the stuff you can’t control (which is pretty much everything). Is that not just a relief?! Wow. I control nothing apart from the way I feel about it. Don’t get me wrong: death and losing a loved one, seriously, this is big stuff. Apart from the way I feel about it. I like MEY days (see 34) I feel they help people understand me better. B.S.
41. Your partner is your equal. If it’s not. Counselling helps. If it still isn’t. Move on.
42. People make mistakes, don’t crucify them for making them. Hold them accountable. But at the end of the day … see No 1.
43. Yer whole, the gaps, life created them, easy to fill in.
44. Everyone has a story. Pause. Listen. You will learn more about you.
45. Your boundaries are yours, if crossed by another, you didn’t set them.
46. Instagram is full of fake news.
47. Spitting a full mouthful of coffee over someone because you were laughing is acceptable.
48. You are not perfect. But you are really. But not. You have flaws. We all do.
49. You don’t have to put up with shit, that is just shit, walk away. How? Ah, mon friend. We need to talk.
50. Love or Fear. Make the choice.

Oh, I could go on. But reached 50. Only took 30 minutes. Easy.

Come on, share. How old are you? What is your biggest one liner to the world? The thing you just wished people would ‘get’.

Anyway, away to have a beer or six. It’s 50 Birthday Eve. Time to celebrate.

I still have no idea what I am doing with my life in the near future. Thank you for being here.

Dawn xxxxxx