(Unless of course you’re apologising for things that aren’t your fault, but we’ll get to that another day.)
“A stiff apology is a second insult…. The injured party does not want to be compensated because he has been wronged; he wants to be healed because he has been hurt.” ~G.K. Chesterton
This is more a ‘whatdoyouthinkkinda’ post, feel free to comment at the end.
If you don’t mind, I’ll start with giving you some background and yes, you’re more than welcome to take sides.
Here’s what happened…
What started as a pleasant trip for the ‘big weekly shop’ with the beloved, turned into two days of not speaking.
Okay, even I’m cringing a little, we sound like some completely dysfunctional couple, who live in a permanent state of anger (we don’t, events like these are rare and usually we are good at accepting the fact we have wronged or hurt each other, and will say so), what happened?
Well…
We got separated, we eventually caught up with each other in aisle 25 (we last made contact at aisle 2!), around 45 minutes later!
(Start taking sides…NOW!)
I did hear a scream of ‘WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?’, I actually looked around with the other shoppers, catching their eye and similar thoughts passing between us ‘who the hell are they talking too’!
It continued: ‘DAAAWWWNNN’. By which point, folks in the healthy eating ailse had ‘clocked’ I was Dawn, even without a name badge.
Now, we all have those little trigger buttons, that is one of mine, instantly I was in anger mode. How dare they scream at me, especially in a shop.
I did whisper this to them, through clenched teeth I admit, and I got the reply ‘well, you always do this’.
Oh! DO I? Really?
My reply was ‘I’ll wait in the car’.
Never ruin an apology with an excuse. ~Kimberly Johnson
Two days later, yep, two DAYS (after visitors had left, you know when you have to pretend ‘all is hunky dory here’ and you talk as if nothing is wrong in front of the guests) they said:
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have screamed like that at you (long pause) but (me: grr)I just need you to know how angry I was”
Me: “Maybe you should stop there”
It’s such a trivial event, why would something that unimportant matter? I mean, we’ve apologised for worse.
So, I’ve been thinking…
When it comes to saying we’re sorry, does the context matter?
If an apology is required, there is no doubt that pain has been inflicted somewhere.
Why do we apologise for some of our misdemeanors quicker than others?
For the scenario above, ego was involved, and of course we both have been pissed with each other in the past, as we wasted about 30 minutes looking for each other, so that event had a little ‘here we go again’ attached.
But the act of saying sorry, why do we struggle to say it and send flowers and write poems instead?
And, why do we accept apologies when we know they aren’t really sincere?
I don’t know about you, but I was brought up to say sorry, a lot.
Crikey, my sister and I were never done apologising to each other, would have saved a lot of our parents time just adding on I’m sorry to the bedtime prayers at the end of the day ‘Amen, oh, and I’m sorry’!
Is Saying Sorry Enough?
I’ve started this paragraph about twenty times, I mean if the Prime Minister of the UK says ‘I’m sorry about Iraq’ or the Pope can say ‘sorry for child abuse’ what does a sorry actually mean?
Is sorry a poor excuse for not being able to act like a compassionate human being?
The ‘get out of guilt’ free card?
What do you think?
I’d love your thoughts, leave a comment below.
Photo Credit: David Brackwell
The truth behind an apology should always be real and heartfelt and sincere. In reality, only the giver of the apology and the Universe knows for sure. Things tend to weigh heavily on the heart if the intent is not sincere…if the heart is true. I am one who apologizes by the simple nature of who I am. But, every time I do, it’s from the heart. It comes to mind, is there a hurt so intense that an apology is simply too small an act? If so, what, then, will suffice? Or, is the bearing of ones own heart and soul enough?