And another 1.32 minutes if you actually read this.
This is not a real post. It’s just a sorry state of affairs. A rant. Mainly because I haven’t slept, it’s the best I can do today but I will make it all rich and meaningful by the end, maybe.
Can you relate…
Every night in our house without fail is the ‘What’s for Tea?’ conversation.
(To non Scottish people, Tea is our dinner, the nighttime meal. Unless it’s after 8-ish, then it would be dinner, not tea. Lunch is lunch, but some call it dinner, but that’s at noon, not tea time. Supper is tea and toast before bed, but not tea as in a meal, that would be tea as in a drink! Get it?)
It has to be the highlight of my day.
Not.
So, last night I decided I would put an end to the stupidity of it all.
Because I worked out yesterday (this is the crap that fills my brain) that we’ve had the same conversation for 960 days.
I’ve deducted approx number of days for takeout days (always read the menu and get the same thing plus a new dish), camping trips (any old crap you can manage to cook on a single burner does the job and call it food), and meals out.
If my smart brain serves me my findings are as follows:
15 minutes (per day) x 920 (days had conversation) = 13800 minutes
13800 minutes = 230 hours
230 hours = 9.583333333333333 DAYS!
People have done shorter prison time and community service!
That’s more than half way to becoming a fortnight (two weeks to US peeps) of wasted time on this conversation.
Anyhoo…
For at least 960 days the tea coversation has went like this:
You’re just about to waste 1 minute of your life, Alfred Hitchcock said that a good story was “life, with the dull parts taken out.” This is “life, dull parts included”:
Me: What’s for tea? (Thinks: Here we go again)
Them: I dunno, what do you want?
Me: I don’t know I’m asking you. (Thinks: I asked you first)
Them: I don’t know, what do you fancy?
Me: Something nice, something tasty. (Thinks: We don’t have anything ‘in’ of that quality and standard)
Them: What is there?
Me: I dunno, not much, what do you fancy? (Thinks: Just tell me! Crikey.)
Them: Same, something nice, something tasty.
Me: Rice? (Thinks: Please say no)
Them: Do you want rice?
Me: No, not really. (Thinks: Phew!)
Them: What do you fancy then?
Me: What is there again?
Them: I dunno.
Continue above boring, meaningless, undecisive, dribbly conversation for at least another 14 minutes.
Here’s what happened last night …
I made a sorry attempt to change the above lunacy.
Me: Pasta for tea. <— statement! A-HA!
Them: What’s wrong?
Me: Eh?
Them: What’s wrong? Why are we having pasta?
Me: Because I thought we could have pasta for tea! Nothing wrong.
Them: Why though? Why pasta? Are you okay?
Me: Okay?
Them: Yeah, are you okay? Has something happened?
Me: Like what?
Them: I dunno. I mean it seems strange that you want pasta.
Me: Don’t you want pasta?
Them: No, it’s not that, there’s something up…eh…huh…mmm?
Me: There’s nothing up.
Them: Sure?
Me: Yes. Sure. (Thinks: Do we have pasta?)
Them: No, I don’t believe you. Have you had a bad day?
Me: No, I’ve had a great day. Pasta then?
Them: No, seriously, there must be something wrong.
Me: There is nothing wrong. Honestly. Geez. (Getting angry)
Them: Now you’re getting angry, why are you angry?
Me: I’m not angry. Are you wanting pasta, or not?
Them: Don’t do that.
Me: What?
Them: That, are you able to choose thing, that means I will choose it, don’t use your mind NLP/Hypno stuff.
Me: I’m not. Are you having a laugh?
Them: Just tell me why you want pasta. Are you (I kid you not reader) ‘on’?
Me: I don’t want fecking pasta, I worked out today we’ve spent nearly a fortnight having the ‘tea’ conversation.
Them: What are you talking about?
Me: Look (Produced my sums.)
Them: You worked this out.
Me: Yes. (Smiley. Pleased with findings.)
Them: Weirdo. What do you want for tea then?
Me: I dunno, what do you want?
Dammit!
And the moral of the story is…
I don’t have one, I wish I had something profound for you. This is actually a much better post on time being wasted.
What a heck of a lot of time though, eh?
It’s not even a useful waste of time. Is there such a thing as a useful waste of time?
I would be be genuinely interested to hear your complete waste of time habits, or if you would be interested in me starting any type of online Support Group for ‘What’s for Tea Conversations Survivors’ I’m more than happy to.
Away to bin the tele, don’t get me started on the ‘what do you want to watch?’ conversation.
I haven’t laughed so much in ages….thanks for sharing
‘Tea’ — it is a problem! Thanks for being here, and Day 4 — xxx
You have to love (to hate) this conversation, don’t ya? I think I’ve come up with a solution to it, but you never know when it will come creeping back! Great rant, Dawn!