“If I expose my nakedness to you, will you make me feel shame”?
Before we go on, let me state pleasantly and without smut, the ‘nakedness’ has nothing to do with shedding your clothes including undergarments and exposing winter skin!
No, the ‘nakedness’ I’m referring to here…is about you: the real you, the you without ego, the true ‘laid bare’ you, the parts of you that you hide, the you that’s only ever exposed in your head, the vulnerable you, the you that hides certain emotions and aspects of your personality, the you that on occasion can make you feel uncomfortable with you!
Get the picture? You!
(As for the second part of the quote, we’ll get to that in about two minutes.)
Maybe you can relate…
Have you ever had a conversation that was full of ‘How are you feeling?’ or ‘How are things?’ or ‘How is such and such going?’ or ‘What about this and that?’ Yes?
You have the conversation, you answer the questions, your provide the information…’oh fine, great, this happened, that happened’ and then…you repeat and have the same conversation over and over, only with different people, in different places (or with the same person with time being the only difference.)
Were you really ‘you’ in these conversations? Or where you just THERE!
These are safety conversations; there is nothing that is going to really require an exposing of the real you, heck, the chances are the person asking will already have your answer (in their head) before you reply.
(Oh, and of course safety conversations have their place.)
Now, are you able to think of the people that KNOW YOU. That claim to KNOW you really well. That have perhaps declared ‘I know you better than you know yourself’
Have you managed to think of anyone? How many? One? Two? Zero?
For some relationships, these same questions cease to exist when they people in question have ‘exposed’ themselves or ‘stripped themselves bare’ with another human being.
Relationships shift and move, you can never have the same interaction twice: and over time, some are developed and some are culled.
Is it when we expose who we really are or when we are unable to look at the nakedness of another?
Just over the New Year I had a friend come to stay. There were no safety questions, none. And just recently through Facebook, I’ve made connections with people I have not seen in years…on meeting up after such a long time, again no ‘safe’ questions.
Why? Is it because somewhere along the in the relationships with these individuals we have exposed to each other to who we REALLY are? And this exposing is so visible, so open, that time cannot close it down again?
Maybe it events that occurred (that we shared in the past) that because of their very nature have been impossible to cover up how we really feel? We have seen the nudity of all our emotions, beliefs, habits, attitudes, and values. Been startled, perhaps upset by what we have saw, confused, vulnerable…
And have now reached the point of ‘this is me, this is who I really am, this is what I am, in no way am I shameful of exposing to you’…why?
Because you show me know shame!
And perhaps, are there are people in your life (like mine) who you spend vast amount of time with, where you share and interact, yet you have never opened up in the same way?
In some relationships, questions are asked that probe, demand, request, bully you into sharing who you really are. And unfortunately, once they have broken the seal and the box is open they reject you; they will set in motion a series of behaviours that let you know that your nakedness is too shameful for them.
They may go on to make you feel guilty that you have emotions, that you are an imperfect human being, that you have faults, shortcomings, vulnerabilities and flaws.
Maybe before we undress (emotionally) and a let person in to our world (which we need to do for healthy relationships) is it worth evaluating how much you can expose?
And lastly if someone shames you for being all that you are, shame on them.
What do they have to expose and what are they scared to undress?
Leave a Reply