You ask, ‘How do I know when I’m not living my core values?’
I say, ‘Do you mean you don’t know which way you’re heading in your life? You’re lost? You have no idea what you want? Lack a guide or plan? You’re fed up making decisions and choices based on sheer frustration and desperation? It feels that you’re doing the exact opposite of what you’re meant to be doing? Is that what you mean?’
You say, ‘Yes’.
I say, ‘Let’s talk about moths!’
Although it’s not 100% proven the theory and science is this: moths navigate by the night sky, in particular the moon.
When you see a moth frantically flying around a light in your house, or notice one coming heading into your headlights at night, it’s pretty much a given that the moth is confused, overwhelmed, stuck and totally lost because it’s trying to navigate itself using the wrong light (the values).
Now, the moth doesn’t actually think it’s going to get to the moon, it’s merely using it as a guide. As you can imagine it’s pretty startled and freaked out when it thinks it’s landed there on craterville, when it’s just your lamp or headlights. It’s disorientated and freaking out. We see this by the way it flies round and round crashing over and over.
Eventually it stops and goes and sits on the wall. It needs to orientate itself. It knows something is up. Maybe the moth knows it’s made a mistake and is gently pondering what it’s best move is next.
I try and navigate my life with my core values as the guide. Mostly – but not always – I don’t get stuck in headlights or lamps of others, or feel as if I’m flapping about, I’m usually pretty good at knowing when I’m taking action that is clashing against them.
But that’s not always been the case, I’ve been the moth. Lots.
When you’re following the ‘wrong’ guide or light (values) for you, when you are not in alignment with your core values you may feel like the moth: disorientated, overwhelmed, unsure, lost and – the biggie – you can’t sustain where you are at. It isn’t right. You know it.
You eventually have to take yourself off to the wall to figure out who you are, what you stand for, what is meaningful and important to you in – and for – your life. You can – at any moment – stop trying to navigate yourself by the light (values) of others and discover your own night sky.
If you find yourself crashing around a lot because you’ve veered from the core of who you are, try this:
Realign yourself.
How long will it take?
A moment, an hour, a day, a week, a month, a lifetime? I don’t know. But remember you don’t need land on the moon, you merely need the night sky.
In other words, you need a simple guide, something to at least walk you in the right direction for you.
Here’s the key: you have to write your guide, you can download the core values workbook to create your first draft.
Are your values your guide? What happens when stop listening to your own inner core and try to navigate your life by those belonging to someone else?
What’s great about just pausing when you are following the wrong light for you? What may happen if you spend your entire life being overwhelmed because you are trying to follow the light belonging to others?
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