“No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow.” – Alice Walker
I know that connection is what many of us crave (or are missing?) To belong. To love. To be loved. To not feel isolated or alone.
I observe that we are scared to connect deeply. We stop. We hold back. We stay silent and live in our own solitary confinement.
We live daily having relationship brushes. I’m committed to connection and yet I observe myself having these brushes on my Facebook personal profile: skirmishing around with a ‘like’ or a ‘share’ but not really connecting. (Not a good advert for connection!)
Offline I find myself sometimes struggle in situations where conversation (not necessarily connection) is expected: networking events, small talk at parties and some extended (and forced) family gatherings, I struggle. What with? The pleasantries, the fact that the conversations are just that, factual words. People keeping up with what others are doing, rather than on who they are. (Aside: that’s okay, but I just struggle with it occasionally.)
- What would life be like if we put down our shields, stopped conforming to pleasantries, quit censoring ourselves and undertaking personal editing?
- What if we were able to love, understand, have more empathy, complete honesty, compassion, trust, warmth and closeness with one another?
Isn’t it when one or more people come together and experience the real sense of belonging and acceptance isn’t that where the magic happens?
Removing The Shield
I witnessed someone remove their shields in an online group last week, they didn’t start with a conversation or some other people pleasing pleasantry. In that moment they spoke their truth.
The context doesn’t matter, what matters is the result of the action they took: they inadvertently put a small crack in the walls others were behind, it wasn’t long before people were offering their truth. This wasn’t a pity party. It was someone brave enough to cut through all the this is how relationships are formed rules and jump straight to communicating with their gut.
Others joined them and wrote they:
- No longer felt alone, or isolated.
- That they felt connected and included.
- That they could feel as though they could openly contribute.
- That they felt safe and able to share more.
Your Turn
What does “belonging and connection” mean to you? Leave a comment or send me a message.
This post was a result of a lot of thought from Patti Dighs Project137 – go check it out.
Interesting – connection also has a lot to do with intentions. When I am happy and feeling wellrested I will be a way better contact-maker and read much nicer intentions in other people’s words. Anyway, you have to accept that many contacts are temporary. But can still be valuable.