Moxie Living: Courage and Confidence

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On The Loss of a Pet. Dear You, I’ve Wanted to Write This for Such a Long Time

August 1 Dawn

I know, the title doesn’t belong in here. Maybe not at first glance.

To be really honest it’s been in my head for about a year, and then sitting in my drafts for about a month, and it’s almost been deleted a couple of times. I know the ‘blogging’ rules: don’t talk about death, ah well.

But just today I learned that a friend had to put their cat to sleep after 19 years together.

So, this is for you and them.

(Started 4th July)

I’ve a real urge to write this today. Sometimes when I sit down to write the mind hooks on a thought and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

I’m not sure if it’s after a conversation on Facebook the other evening about a pet therapy dog called Dexter.

Or because a friend has been told by their vet ‘it may be time to start thinking about what’s really best for…’, in other words: it’s time for you to make that so-called humane but completely inhuman decision about your dogs life.

Maybe it was the guy I spoke to, just a stranger, out walking his new puppy last night who started crying whilst explaining he needed another dog as he went to pieces, losing his best friend in the world two months ago.

Perhaps the truth is it’s nearly two years to the day when I lost Maya and I’m just plain old feeling it. And for some reason all these little events are happening, who knows, does it matter?

That Which I Feared, Is Now Upon Me

Even as I write this I’ll cry and new doggie may glance at me and adopt the, ‘Here we go again, Maya this, Maya that‘ look, and I’ll put aside the thoughts that at some point I’m going to visit this experience again at least five times in the future.

One of my biggest fears was the day when Maya would no longer be in my life.

Out of all of lives fears, that was mine. I don’t know about you, but I would shake my head when the thoughts popped up and shivered telling myself not to go there.

Lesson: Life is weird, it always presents us with what we fear most at somepoint huh?

Nothing prepared me for the loss.

Nothing.

The pain was excruciating, unbearable, it ripped at my core.

That may sound dramatic. I know that.

Maybe it doesn’t to you? Maybe that’s why I’m writing this, I keep saying pet bereavement is so misunderstood, it is, really, it is.

So, this is not a here’s what you must do and this is how you are going to feel at different stages speech.

See, I didn’t cope well.

Look what I ‘do’ for a living, I’m supposed to cope well. I didn’t eat properly for a month and I didn’t sleep a full night for at least two. I would wake up, go outside and just sob. I couldn’t work, I couldn’t understand why the whole world wasn’t as upset, bothered or cared as much.

I couldn’t understand why they didn’t see her life as valuable like what I did.

I didn’t understand why the people closest to me would assume me to be ‘okay’ after a couple of weeks.

But they didn’t live with her for 13 and half years, 24/7.

Oh She Had a Good Life

When Maya passed away I was delivered, perhaps like you, the oh she had a good life, she lasted well, it’s not the same as a human bereavement, that is much worse and other standard one liners.

Today, I’ll still question that if you don’t mind. Here’s why…

If there is anything my line of work has taught me is I can’t judge or pass comment on what one person puts more value on than another. I just don’t have that right. Nobody does.

If people are saying these things to you, forgive them.

They are usually delivered because they don’t know what to say. Many people can’t cope at times of human bereavement and they may not even begin understand why losing a pet carries the same grief. Forgive them.

They probably never will understand. That’s not blaming them or judging them.You need to grieve, not worry about the opinions of others.

But there are people that you can surround yourself with, which I didn’t know of at the time (see the end of the post) who will understand your pain and loss.

Personally, losing Maya was worse than any human bereavement I have experienced.

That’s really difficult to write and admit, because I know some may read it and think that a) I have never lost a human being close to me, which I have and b) that I can’t compare the loss of a pet with the loss of human.

It’s just my truth.

You may feel that same guilt, about not feeling the same way towards a human loss as you do your pet. I’m, kind of, smiling. Let’s face it, there aren’t many humans in our life who’ll never grumble at being in our company 24/7, or that we give them permission to sit at the end of the bath, while we’re in it, watching us soap up.

There aren’t many two legged beings, which will dive on us as soon as we enter a room, leave a room or just sit in a room.

Not many humans will instantly spot danger and growl to warn us, lick away tears or miss us, even for a minute.

So forgive yourself.

Give yourself permission to grieve over the loss, and there is no comparison between human and animal bereavement, a pet passing triggers the same feelings as human, the cause is different, the emotional responses aren’t.

If it’s stronger for your pet, then so it is.

Funny, I used the word ‘passing’, it’s such a gentle word huh?

It gives the picture and visual of moving gentle along, like swans on midnight moonlit lakes or passing clouds, drifting in and out, silently. And yet we both know different, the words that are used generally aren’t gentle when it comes to a pet and their death, they are awful. And perhaps that’s where the misunderstanding begins, there are no emotions attached to these words.

Put to sleep. Euthanasia. Lay Down. Put Out its Suffering and Misery. Destroyed.

Maya died at home, in my lap, 3.am on a Monday morning. There was no one else around except the other animals in the household. From the time I noticed she wasn’t herself until that morning was 5 days.

She got tired.

It was her heart.

She started to lie down in strange places, knowing she wasn’t ‘herself’, I took her to the vets and they told me her heart was beating 5 times as fast as it should, leave her for x-rays.

Picking her up they said ‘she has heart failure‘. They didn’t say how long she had, whether she would get better, they said leave her a week and bring her back in. (I think a little anger still resides there!)

Sunday, she deteriorated, so fast. Call to the emergency vet, and I was told to up her drugs. She picked up.

Then at 2am, I was sitting with her on my knee in the garden, begging her to get better but she was exhausted.

It was just time.

I made the decision to ask the vet to come to the house and give the jags with the lethal barbiturates that would ultimately stop her heart beating, I was going to kill my dog.

Yes, I know some may say it’s ‘the gift we can give our pets’…

Yes, the logical part of my brain got that, my emotional brain didn’t.

Coping With Unnatural Decisions

I’m sure we all wish and hope that our pets will pass away in their sleep, that the choice will be theirs, not ours.

Just gently drifting off, but the reality is usually very different. I don’t know about you but I battled and fought like crazy, to do everything to prolong a life, so that they could be in mine just a little longer.

Coming to the decision is incredibly painful, and confusing, we know as human being ‘taking another’s life’ is just plain wrong, we’re taught that from a very young age.

I know that teaching refers to another human beings life, however when it comes to our pets, it can feel like we are ‘taking it’. It’s unnatural. It’s not an everyday choice or decision.

If you had to, or have to make that choice, know that. It is not natural. What you did, or sadly have to do is not a choice we make every day in life, it’s very rare. You have no point of reference. You won’t know what to feel.

Maya had other plans. She went in her own time. She didn’t wait for the vet.

Like we will do at the end, she lost all control of her bodily functions, as I held her, us both covered in her urine, sick and excrement, she looked at me and gasped, exhaled, eyes still fixed, and exhaled again for a long time, for the last time.

In that moment, there was no pain or fear.

She went. Her body remained. But she was gone.

The pain begins…

Was she in pain? Did she suffer? Did I do the right thing? Why did I not call the vet sooner?

So much guilt. And the guilt is all part of the process of grief.

Then…why just 5 days? Did the vets make a mistake? Who can I blame? Why didn’t I see anything sooner.

So much anger. And that too is part of the process.

When’s The Right Time to Let Go?

You’ll know.

With every fibre of my being, I promise you’ll know. And it won’t be your decision. Your pet will ‘tell’ you. For non-pet owners (if you’re still here), that may be hard to understand. It’s not a sixth sense or strange phenomenon.

Those 5 days before Maya died I was like a mad woman, determined that I would do everything to make her better. Phone calls to specialists, visits to vet hospitals, research into her condition, second opinions, emails to America asking for advice from the ‘top’ cardiac vets.

She was going to get better. It wasn’t her time, but the truth was it wasn’t my time; I wasn’t ready to let her go.

Helpless, would be the word I would use.

She got worse and there was nothing I could do, I had no power or control over what was happening, nothing was preventing the inevitable.

Coping With the Pain Today

The last thing I’m going to say to you is ‘time is a healer’ or ‘it’ll get better’.

When you lose a pet, or any form of grieving, time doesn’t play out as it usually does.

It’ll get better, it might, but again what gives anybody any right to say this is how it’s going to be for you in the future?

I know I only have my own personal experience, however for me (and I know now, many others) the loss is made worse by the misunderstanding.

The pain is raw.

It hurts, bad.

In the initial days and weeks, it roots itself deep. It ‘feels’ like life will never ever be the same again.

And that is true, it won’t. It will be different.

Any permanent goodbye is going to change your life. Any goodbye where you played a part will change you.

Even when a two legged being passes, the support is generally available.

Not everyone you know will have met your pet. So you may not know what to do with the grief and pain.

Does the Pain Go?

Ah, have you heard of the Stages of Grief, psychotherapist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in her book On Death and Dying, she proposed there were five stages:

Denial – (my crazed moments, this can’t be happening)

Anger – (why now, how can it be 5 days etc)

Bargaining – (I’ll give anything to have her live 5 more years)

Depression – (days not eating, not sleeping)

Acceptance – (I can write here now about Maya)

Here’s my addition:

Time, ignore it; time only exists because we have clocks. Grieve hard. Allow it to go through all the stages, in your own time.

For me, I prefer to think of the stages as a circle. There are some days when the memories occur, or something triggers an emotion and before I know I’m having a sob. It’s only because I miss her, missing your pet is allowed. Today, tomorrow, 10, 20 years from now.

Think About Everything in Your Life Where Your Pet Was Attached

I miss her because Maya and I shared our lives for 13 and half years, she was the constant in my life.

She was ‘there’ during homelessness, the loss of grandparents, shitty relationships, breakups. I was 25 when she arrived, and 38 when she died.

I didn’t think twice about the 4k pet bill to fix her legs.

She was a pet therapy dog, there for others when their end was near. She came to work with me, she only needed to sit next to someone for two minutes before they were leaning in to her taking what they needed.

She was a only a dog. But she was my dog.

Through this bloody awful time I learnt a huge lesson about living:

It’s short.
There are times when the external world will leave us helpless, with no control, no power.
We can’t change events that are inevitable.
We can’t change the minds of people who don’t want to change their minds.
That what we fear most usually has to be faced at somepoint.
There are lessons in the worst moments.
There are moments, when ‘life on our terms’ is not possible.

Please leave with one thing, all around the world there are people who know the pain you are feeling.

They can’t help you with yours. They know it’s personal.

We know you’ll have to find your own way.

We won’t rush you.

We won’t talk about rainbow bridges or running free, we know they sound good, we secretly hope that they are real, we just want you to know that your pet mattered to us.

Okay?

Please feel free to share below

If you need to reach out (no matter how long ago it was) here’s a few links:

Association for Pet Loss and Animal Bereavement, they also have a Facebook page.

In the UK there is the Blue Cross Pet Bereavement Support, Animal Samaritans Pet Bereavement Support and EASE for support during anticipated pet loss.

Books: Wallace Sife The Loss of a Pet

You’re Not Angry, You Just Need a Hug. Now!

July 29 Dawn

A hug is like a bandage to a hurting wound. ~Author Unknown

Virginia Satir (Psychotherapist) said that you, me, everyone needs:

4 cuddles every single day for survival
8 cuddles a day for maintenance and at least
12 cuddles for growth and development

(But she used hugs, not cuddles.)

How many have you managed to squeeze in today?

How many have you given away?

Did you know that scientists say human touch (including hugs) is essential to the health and well being of your emotional, physical, mental health and development?

Everybody needs a hug. It changes your metabolism. ~Leo Buscaglia

Although part of how this evidence was found by Rene Spitz in the 1930’s and then Harry Haslow 1950’s (link to a youtube video.), would be completely unethical and (I think) bordering sociopathic.

Spitz really went for it, he took two groups of children the first group (30 children) were from an orphanage and they were deprived of any physical contact or touch for the first two years of their life. The second group were given unlimited touch by their mothers.

From the children in the orphanage only 2 could walk and talk.

Haslow (not convinced, obviously, of the findings) did the same experiment with monkeys in the 50’s.

What’s Happened to Genuine Human Touch?

We’re not talking here about sexual contact, or touch that is manipulative, detrimental, abusive or coersive in any way.

I don’t discriminate – I’m an equal-opportunity hugger. ~Author Unknown

Sadly though, is it perhaps those exact acts that have made us wary of the giving and receiving of human touch and contact.

When someone last bumped into you by accident, how did you feel?
Have you ever felt uncomfortable as some touched your arm?
Has the touch of another human being soothed you and comforted you?
Have you shivered and wriggled at an unwelcomed touch or contact?
Have you thought ‘what do they want?’ as someone has placed a genuine touch on your shoulder?

I’m not naive, I know that their are certain circumstances and occupations where human touch is unacceptable.

And I’m not suggesting we all have to start Cuddle Support Groups (although?), or Hug Festivals.

I’m agreeing that the craving for human touch is all of us, it’s a human need. A daily requirement.

Abraham Maslow stated in his Heirarchy of Needs that we all have (Social) Belonging and Love Needs, that we all have the need to give and to receive affection and love, that we have roots, that we belong, that we have intimacy, human contact and warmth.

That we ALL have them. No one is excluded from that.

In the name of science, let’s have a little experiment…

Okay, using a scale of 1 – 10, 10 being ‘scar-eee’ and 1 being ‘perfectly okay’. Are you able to rate the following with honesty?

How would you feel about walking across a hot bed of coals burning at 1200 degrees+ farenheit?

How would you feel about offering and accepting a full scale cuddle with a complete stranger?

Think about it.

Just for a second.

You meet someone for the first time and you touch, getting up close and personal.

Not a quick tap on the back, or one of those ‘rub a dub dub’ up the spine ‘get off me now’ things. No, a full blown cuddle, one that you’d give your best friend, at the airport, before they emigrated across the world.

Or walk on fire.

Here’s the feedback to those two questions above after a real firewalk, during the debrief, always over 85% of the room say that the one interaction with another human being (lasting about 3 seconds) was more scary and frightening than the hot foot across the coals.

Words used have been ‘weird, awkward, out of place, out my comfort zone, embarassed, ashamed’ and a few others: ‘shy, bright red, nervous, weird, uncomfortable’.

Can you relate to that?

How they feel, those beliefs around human contact, interaction and touch are there long before they get into the seminar room.

But the fact is that’s how they feel.

Your Turn

What do you think? Human touch overrated? Needed? Survive without? Please feel free to comment below.

Refuse to Be a Sheeple to Live Your Way

July 27 Dawn

Have you ever veered from the norm?

Scary?

Liberating?

Frightening?

Relief?

Okay, What’s a Sheeple?

A sheeple is someone who threatens their own individuality and rights instead to appeal to authority, the ‘norm’, or accepting the beliefs of others as they are percieved as an authority.

Read that again. It’s wordy.

In brief, people are likened to sheep.

And sheep have a tendenacy to follow one another, or their authority. The sheep ‘authority’ figure or threat being a farmer or nippy little collie, that comes down hard on the ‘soon to be wool’ that trots out of line.

Threatening Your Own Individuality

I make a point of saying to my clients, (even though it may be seen as odd) do not believe anything I say, be skeptical, ask questions, find your own truth, especially when it comes to making decisions about your life.

Why do I say this?

Simple.

Anyone who’s in front of a group, standing next to flipchart, projector, doing the presenting, leading, facilitating is pretty much seen as the ‘authority’, comes with the job — we’re ‘taught’ that behaviour attending school.

Not true. It’s all a perception.

I certainly don’t want anyone to accept what I believe at face value, just to appeal. I want them to remain individuals in a group situation (tough, but do-able.) My role is to help them achieve their goals, and hold the belief that it’s possible.

The need to appeal, conform, obey and ‘fit in’ isn’t new. Remember we’re from tribal roots, our ancestors knew this, they survived by ‘fitting in’, not rocking any boots, or by being a threat to the tribe.

You only need to read the experiments that prove how far we will go so as not to upset the authority. Try Milgrams Obedience Experiment (that’s the one where subjects administered electrical shocks to learners!) for starters.

Is There a Price to Pay?

It takes guts to stand up and ‘leave the groupthink’, to walk away from the expectations of others or question the ‘authority’.

And it comes with a risk. On the one hand you may be hailed a hero or you may be ridiculed.

To be the person on the other side of the fence you may run the risk of people commenting, poking fun, taunting and teasing you.

Is it worth it?

Only you can decide.

Only you will know the consequences of stepping away from the norm and becoming your own authority. You can choose to go with the crowd, you can choose to appeal, you can choose to put the beliefs of others as a higher priority than you’re own and what you believe. Or not.

How to Find Your Own Truth

I’d suggest, question everything, go back to asking ‘but why?’

Who are your ‘authorities’?

Are you still being led by people from your past? Do you stop yourself from carrying out a task or project and think ‘oh what would they think if I did that?’. Do you keep information to yourself, not revealing all the details because you know ‘they’ won’t approve?

Are you not living your life on your terms because of the rules laid down by authority figures when you were, 5, 10, 15 years old?

A few years ago a client I was working shared with me she was sad her parents had passed away, and in some way relieved that she can now start living her life, her way! She was 48. They always judged her decisions.

Did you get taught it was the ‘norm’ to stick with a job you hated?

Were you taught to ‘blend’ in, and not stand out. Were you made to certain items of clothing, did you have to take up ‘hobbies’ and behave in certain ways around certain people.

Was it the norm to hold onto your opinions, ideas and feelings because ‘you had to be seen and not heard’?

Were you taught who were the authority figures you had to obey? Parents, Carers, Teachers, GP’s, religious leaders, anyone with a few letters after their name?

Perhaps you grew up thinking that the TV was the authority, that everything coming at you in pixels was the truth.

Were you encouraged to be your own authority? Were you parents the worst authorities?

Final Thoughts…

I conform, I obey, I groupthink, so am I being a hypocrite?

I follow the rules of the land where I live (authority – police, laws, government). Although I would consider myself to ‘free’ in my thinking, am I?

Are you? Can we truly be free? In one shape or form will we always have to be sheep somewhere?

Do I have the right to ask people to ‘question’? At what point do we give up asking ‘but why?’ and go along with herd.

What do you think? Should we/can we be our own authorities?

PS: Here’s a few quotes :-)

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. ~Dr. Seuss

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. ~Friedrich Nietzsche

Before you can break out of prison, you must first realize you’re locked up.

How Are You Smart? Not How Smart Are You?

July 12 Dawn

Do something. If it doesn't work, do something else. No idea is too crazy.

Ever feel that you’re not as smart as others?

Wish you’d ‘stuck in’ more at school?

Have you ever started to learn something new only to give up half way through because you just ‘didn’t get it’?

Think you haven’t had the opportunity (yet) to show what you know you are capable off?

Yes? Then this is for you, it’s not all your fault. (Warning: two swear words ahead.)

Stories are the single most powerful tool in a leaders tool box. ~ Howard Gardner

How Are You Smart?

I’m not saying I’m a complete numpty (scottish-ism), but I don’t think I’m an intelligence genius, if we’re going to go by the Binet-Simon test.

gordon — The Secret of Success? Get Yourself a Puppet!

I remember 4 years ago the nation was tested on the ‘smart’ BBC channel, I had a gathering of finest Scottish minds ;-) at my house, just for a laugh, as you do.

Two hours later, the host, Phillip Schofield confirmed my underlying suspicions that I wasn’t that smart, and I’ll admit it, I didn’t take it lightly from a man who made his fame and fortune talking to a feckin puppet called Gordon the Gopher!

Eventually People Don’t Expect Much

Not being IQ smart has it’s disadvantages you know, after a while people don’t actual expect that much from you.

You no longer get asked what happened to make you get an F, or in my case nil pois when it came to physics, or ‘your sister passed first time, why can’t you‘, really doesn’t kick in the old internal motivation and get the competive streak going.

There is no failure, only feedback

I failed, first time round, most of my ‘O’ Grades, not because I can’t learn, because I didn’t care.

If you don’t know what these are, call someone in the UK over the age 38. In short: they were real exams, none of that ongoing nambeepambee assessment melarkee, in my day, we were real pupils, we had it tough, we had vigilators, we sat in rows at little wooden desks where the graffiti made more sense than answering ‘war can be good, discuss’.

Oh, dearie regarding the ‘ongoing nambeepambee assessment melarkee’ comment — tongue in cheek, I totally agree that ongoing assessment is a good thing, as opposed to building up anxiety, fear and stress to one big exam day.

Actually, I think that’s why some people go through life thinking they ‘aren’t that smart’, because they couldn’t memorize parrot fashion, not because they couldn’t learn.

Em, I just didn’t spend the time memorizing, I think they call that studying. Or is called conforming?

So, I failed all except Home Economics, Modern Studies and Drama, that means. if you want a casserole delivered in a foil tray and an apron made with gingham, or you want me to tell you what a ‘new town’ is, perhaps a wee recital of Queen Margarets speech Henry VI part ii, I’m your gal.

Aside: my parents can provide astounding dish testimonials, always ‘saving it for supper’, after I was in bed so they ‘could enjoy it’. I’m smarter than that, I know and knew full well where it went, bypassing the dog, just in case it had tummy trots, and into the bin. Ah, parents, they sometimes forget how smart their children are, their ditching of the food and ‘cover up’ actually taught me a lot about human behaviour.

They did get passed eventually, and one day they even let me go to the big studying place, that would be university. That experience is an entirely different post!

Smart Learning

Modern Studies, that rocked. Loved it.

Teacher swore like a sinner.

And she made us argue with her, the theories, the books, even each other, telling us ‘to think for ourselves or we’ll get nowhere, don’t believe everything you read in books, school is for learning how to think, not learning how to follow everyone else!’

That’s a smart piece of learning I do remember. (I wonder if she’s still alive, she needs a ‘thank you’ letter!)

Modelling myself on a v-e-r-y responsible adult, I choose her. I like the odd swear, you?

F, C, B words, whatever, love them all.

Folks (parents) hate swearing, ‘it’s not nice Dawn‘ and my mum has mini palpitations and giggles when I mention the word shag, I use it now just to feed my own basic human needs, laughter being the main one.

However, when she was very ill for a long time, I used it deliberately, because it changed her state of mind, the laughter made her forget, even if it was just for a few minutes, that’s pretty smart, no?

I love words. Love them. Just because I sometimes can’t string a sentence together (mainly because my brain is faster than my mouth) doesn’t mean I’d use a swear word instead. Tut.

2+2=4

I dislike maths, just as much as I hate eating meat, and that’s a f**king lot.

Maths, technical, physics were a big thing in our household, mainly because my Dad was good at them.

I always wonder why some parents:

a) force their child to learn what they weren’t good at or

b) force their child to be as good at the subjects they were good at

Any thoughts on that one?

I really wanted to love maths, not just because I enjoyed the squares in the jotters, which were different to the usual lines and produced a very unique doddle, which was great for my visual brain. It blew me away that others could take a pile of letters and turn them into a number.

Sadly, I had Hitlers sidekick teaching me, I spent most of my 4 years in his class, avoiding the flying chalk and blackboard (again ask parents about these) cleaner thing.

I was so busy being scared to actually care ‘if x+y=b, was the value of r?’, in his class I got really smart lesson in ‘learning should be high challenge and no threat’.

But…

Word and Maths Smarties You Have Me in Complete Awe

Number Smarties

There are some really smart people that love math and science, number smarties, you may be one.

I applaud and admire you.

You see, because of people like you, the rest of us get some really cool, neat stuff: things like advancements in medicine, technologies, ipads, digital banking, computers, and soda streams.

You make things, you like to categorise and experiment, I love what you produce.

Word Smarties

And all you people who are passionate about language and blend words together — you’re really smart to me, word smarties, you guys and gals take me to places in my head that I never knew existed, you create imaginary people and situations that excite me and give me stories that I share with others.

You keep me up at night, I’ve refused sex because I’d rather turn a page, and I have row upon row of what you ‘word smarties’ have produced.

How are you smart not how smart are you?

What about you?

How are you smart?

Although words (linguistics) and numbers (logical/mathematical intelligence) are not my strongest. I’d say I’m pretty smart in other ways, like we all are.

Put me in a room where someone is just about to swallow 100 paracetamols because they don’t want to live anymore, or place me in a front of a group where they feel so helpless and worthless, I can do and say smart things to be handed the pills or aid the group on the road to worthwhile and hopeful.

I know what to say to a child when they tell me for the past five years of their life they have been abused by their mother. I know when to push someone and I know when to back off. I can empathise. Share stories and anecdotes, and install a passion for learning.

I’d say that’s smart. It didn’t require me to apply any math either.

Where are you smart?

Seriously, where are you smart? Have you ever thought about what you can do that nobody else can?

Don’t dare say nothing.

Look, although we all can’t play a musical instrument (musical intelligence), dance like Beyonce, Gaga or Pink and play tennis like the Williams sisters (bodily intelligence), you can motivate yourself, you can manage your emotions, have you ever really had a long hard think about what you are really awesome at? Where you really excel?

Multiple Intelligences

It was psychologist Howard Gardner who introduced ‘Frames of Mind The Theory of Multiple Intelligences’ upon the world.

“I believe that the brain has evolved over millions of years to be responsive to different kinds of content in the world. Language content, musical content, spatial content, numerical content, etc.”

Gardner proposed that we all have dominate preferences about learning and intelligence:

He said: people are smarter at different things and no two people learn the same way.

Where you are mega smart, I’m not. And vice versa.

Should You Really Care?

Ah, there’s a question.

My professional opinion would be yes.

Part of my work is helping people with their career, part of finding out where your passion and purpose lies, is very much linked to your preferred intelligence. Gardners work is a theory, he even wrote about never devising a test to measure multiple intelligence.

However, in my little world it does occur in practice.

You would be stunned at the numbers of people that say to me ‘I want a career that makes a difference, one where I can give back and work with people’, they wonder why they have been so unhappy working in finance, banging at keys on a computer for 15 years!

Preference to them (may be) ‘interpersonal intelligence’ and ‘intrapersonal intelligence’.

And others have said the same, only to realise that actually, they don’t like people that much and would prefer to be outdoors (naturalistic intelligence), perhaps working with animals, or involved in an environmental piece of work.

Or imagine you’re learning, and your preferred intelligence is spacial (pictures), and all the materials are words (handouts, powerpoints, books, texts, papers), you may find it difficult to learn. (Which by the way, should be addressed by the teacher or trainer, they should be teaching to all learning styles and preferences.)

Please Care If You Have Children

Do you have children? Do they struggle at school with certain subjects? Although the results may not show it, they may actually be good at maths, however the method in which they are taught may not suit their learning style or intelligence.

Where do they excel, no, where do they get most pleasure? Writing? Telling stories? Drawing. Here’s a great book by Thomas Armstrong if you want to explore this theory and ensure your child leaves school with a passion for lifelong learning. (Order a second hand copy around £1.50)

Food for thought.

I’ll end with this ‘there is no-one who is 100x smarter than anyone else’ – how are YOU smart?

PS: if you go to the collection of books on this site (Amazon store) click on training/inspiring others you’ll see plenty more book recommendations on multiple intelligence.

Buy a Personal Development Book and Make a Barking Difference

July 7 Dawn

Introducing the Personal Development Bookstore!

I’ve eventually got around to doing this.

Here’s the link to the bookstore on this site.

I have a few books, just a couple ;-) and I get asked ‘what do you recommend for…?’

The bookstore includes books on training, accelerated learning, coaching, motivational interviewing, brain stuff and a few others, not just self help or confidence building.

Even if you aren’t looking today remember it’s here, mainly because any commission from any sale through Amazon, the pennies are being given to charity.

And, if you know of one that isn’t there, and it jolly well should be, please feel free to leave a comment below and mention the book and why, ’cause let’s face it, just one persons opinion of what books are good, isn’t enough evidence.

Happy reading!

Visit the Bookstore

Photo Credit: MHal209

Confidence Building The ‘Quick and Easy’ Way (Grrr)

July 7 Dawn

I get emails asking me for advice on how to build confidence and make life changes…quickly and easily.

Here’s my well thought out answer.

I don’t know.

I genuinely don’t know the quickest route.

I have no idea of the easiest path.

I do know a few routes, plenty paths, tools and techniques. But I certainly don’t have the quick and easy, one size fits all answer. Wish I did, I’d bottle it up and pour you a glass.

Making massive life changes isn’t easy, it’s can be really, really, really long work.

I know that’s not perhaps what you wanted to hear, however it’s a lot more rewarding to put in the work and see, feel and notice the results.

Work requires effort, action, stepping out and up.

Faking it, easy.

Covering up, easy.

Pretending, easy.

I’m not into masking the truth or cover up’s, screwing with folks heads, or making large claims that there is no way I can promise and deliver.

I’m actually get really pissed off at those who do.

No wait, that’s unfair and it’s inaccurate, my core gripe is with those couldn’t give a toss about a person, but they do know exactly how to tap into the pain someone is feeling and sell them ‘quick and easy‘.

Example:

Change Your Life in 7 Hours sounds better than Change Your Life, It May Take a Few Months, But You’ll Get There

People want speed, instant, no pain, easy, instant.

Confidence in 10 Minutes or Less sounds better than Ongoing Confidence for The Rest of Your Life, But You’ll Need to Apply This, This and This First

People prefer to only see what’s right ahead of them. 10 minutes is a heck of a lot closer than the rest of your life.

Be Successful Now! sounds better than Become the Person You Choose to Be With a Little Time and Plenty Action

Who wouldn’t be seduced by now as opposed to little time.

Life Transformation and Inspiration sounds better than Turn Your Life Around By Working Really Darn Hard At It

I also detest ‘brainwashing’ personal development, this can include live events where the participants are so fecking tired with the long days, they stop being an individual, and groupthink takes over. Actually this probably happens in every area not just personal development.

I don’t know.

For me, quick and easy, does not neccessarily mean it works and is lasts.

Rant over. I’m sorry I just don’t know.

Do you have any answers? Thoughts? Care to Rant? Tell Me I’m Wrong?

Please feel free to comment below, I’d love your opinion. No dodgy links to £9.97 ebooks with promise of ‘Instant Success Overnight’! I may have to come after you.

Photo Credit (Thank you) shinesforyou