Have you ever wished someone would just give you a different life? A new identity. One where you could bag up all the rubbish. Bin it. And then change your neighbourhood entirely with none of the crap you created this side of the fence? I have. How easy that would be. Up sticks and leave. Thank-you-very-much.
That is how I see a lot of people approach change. They want a new identity, not the hard love work (sometimes emotional, generally always confusing process) of changing their minds.
I’ve heard a lot of people say ‘I need to change’, but I’ve yet to meet someone who actually said ‘I’m now willing to change my mind’.
Wanting to change, and being willing to change your mind are two very separate things.
Let me explain…
One way will bring about change so real and positive that today you have no reference for it, you can’t see it, it’s beyond your wildest dreams and imagination. And the other (in my experience) leads you back to your place of ‘I’ve had enough’, for you to discover that you indeed didn’t, it gets worse, you learn that you can tolerate a lot more of the same stuff that is causing the pain.
It work both ways however, you can actually tolerate a lot more love, abundance, happiness, joy in your life, you may need to change your mind if it’s not happening <– that is good news.
Do you know anyone who is always trying to change?
They could one of the nicest people to meet and be around, they may appear outwardly to be truly aware of who they are and they may say to you (from the top of my head) they have reached a level of real spiritual consciousness and yet they are constantly going through crap? Always in a drama. In total denial that they are pressure cooker, ready explode at any moment.
They move positively with ease and grace from one crisis to the next not being able to see that they are the crisis. They talk a good talk, but when you speak to them they still punish themselves: anger, blame, sickness, others fault that they aren’t living the life they really want, but they are ‘doing something about it’… that next book, that next class, that thing which will give them the answer they seek.
They talk about love, but then bitch about the person on the yoga mat next to them, or can’t even say good morning to the people who say it to them, or they can’t forgive another friends error? You see them arguing with people, throwing out guilt-trips, fearing people with their refusal to listen but they call it being the real me, when perhaps they are just being a mix of information they have read, and repeating not being.
They try more new ways to change, expect that it will be an external experience but no matter what they try it isn’t working, their life is still messy. They refuse to admit they are the common denominating factor in their own life. They want to change. But they aren’t changing their mind. The only thing they actually need to do.
I get it though. Changing your mind isn’t easy. It’s easier to fool ourselves that we change the external. (Never works by the way. Sadly the whole world can’t play out our made-up scripts just because we want it to).
I spent y-e-a-r-s playing around with change. Years refusing to change my mind. Years pretending that I had. Years stuck knee deep in crap, thinking it was the end of it, convincing myself that I was changing, but I wasn’t. I was in denial and covering up. Result? More of the same.
For me, changing my mind was actually the last resort. You don’t have to wait. From one who tried Plan A, B, C. D…Z. Change happens when a) you accept you are the common denominating factor for all your experiences and b) only you can change your life by the process of changing your mind. The external world has never changed for anyone. Ever. You change what you experience, by changing your mind.
Simple concept. Easy to write. But do? Ah. Well. Yes, if you’re willing to change your mind. No, if you still want change to happen to you.
Ever tried to change and then flunked it? Then because you’ve been taught that you failed (when you didn’t) you felt it would be a really good idea if you went on and punished yourself for not changing? Anger, upset, not being good enough, not being strong enough, letting yourself down? That’s insane. That drama is all madness.
You did nothing wrong. You just didn’t go as far as changing your mind.
So, no error, you can correct it. Simply start by saying ‘that isn’t true for me’ is a good place to begin.
If your life isn’t what you want it to be. May I make a suggestion? Quit trying to change it, and work on changing your mind. Then be prepared for change, your world cannot do anything but change if you are changing the way you look at it.
And also be prepared that when it’s actually working you will give yourself every reason to quit.
When you change your mind. You may be changing your beliefs, values, opinions. Everything you thought was the ‘truth’ you may realise wasn’t.
When you are changing your mind you may find you have no idea who the hell you are on the more. That can feel scary. It can feel you are on the cusp of something and not quite yet able to put your finger on it. That can feel disheartening and give the illusion it’s not working.
When you change your mind you probably won’t be able to explain to anyone what is happening with you, you don’t have the words or point of reference because you haven’t been here before.
When you change your mind about your life, you may even find people drop away. They still need someone to fulfill the role (that you once provided) and will seek it elsewhere.
When you change your mind, all the resistance to make the change will appear before you, on time. This requires you to make a choice. Do you go through the resistance, or do you let it stop your progress and take you off your path and return back to your ‘enough is enough’. You’ll know what to do. And there is no mistake either way.
If you decide to stop and not change your mind, don’t worry you will return to ‘normal’ quickly.
So even though you are confused, don’t know who the hell you are anymore, are going through resistance like you have never experienced, relationships are changing and all the time screaming inside to go back to what you know. Remember that all this is part of changing your mind.
Would it be okay to say to you that you can’t change your mind without your external world being a result of the change? All of it is a reaction to changing your mind.
Don’t sweat the change, enjoy the ride (ups, downs, highs, lows) of changing your mind.
Invitation:
If you need help to change your mind because you don’t want to spend the next 5, 10, 15, 20 years playing a game you know isn’t working, and you’re ready to stop playing around with your own life, please join me on the Moxie Project
Photo Credit: A Mulligan
