Most people don’t practice self-love.
Instead, we are so well programmed to fear: to belittle our own self, to criticise and put down, terrorize ourselves with our own thoughts, we feel guilty when we allow ourselves to feel what we feel, we plod on alone while wishing we could ask for help.
Why are we heading into self-love on a confidence course?
Self-love: positive regard for one’s own happiness and well-being.
Because when people tell me ‘I have no confidence’ it more often than not actually means ‘I don’t feel worthy or enough’, which means I don’t love myself:
- How on earth can we practice living and loving fully if we extend it outwards but not inwards?
- How can we make time and space for others but not ourselves?
- How can we show compassion, empathy, understanding, forgiveness if we don’t start at our own ‘home’?
What does the phrase self-love trigger in you?
I know when I first heard made up pictures in my head: people sitting naked around trees, hugging the bark and humming chants.
Self-love was just not spoken about when I was growing up.
School? Nope.
Home? Ha, are you having a laugh? Not that it wasn’t a loving home, it was, but self-love (as a an action) wasn’t mentioned.
Here’s what I think about self-love: once you live it, you extend you to others.
Can I ask you something? Are you ever worried about what others think of you? Do you feel your confidence diminish when you think others are talking about you, judging you?
With self-love (the acceptance that you are worthy) these go.
See, the most important (and longest) relationship to you will ever have is the one you have with yourself.
Peeps crave connection and belonging, deep and meaningful relationships, filled with love and respect – but they don’t start that on the inside first.
You know you better than anyone else. You are with you every single moment. Only you know your deepest darkest secrets, how you feel on a second by second basis. Can you extend yourself the friendship and loving you show others?
There’s a premise to self-love. And this is it:
You have to believe you are worthy of love
You have to love yourself unconditionally. Screw up? You still love yourself. Make mistakes and bad decisions? You still ‘gotta love yourself.
Self-love isn’t about conceit, big egos or false pride.
It’s not a ‘look how great I am affair’ or a vanity and arrogance trip. Far from it. Individuals who love themselves have no need to boast or find witnesses for their achievements, tell everyone how wonderful they and their ideas are – they are way beyond that.
Love needs
We all have love needs. All. Of . Us. How do you get yours?
Self-love isn’t an after thought to building confidence and self-esteem.
It’s not ‘when I’m more confident, I’ll love myself more’. The two go hand in hand.
It is a practice.
A daily one. You decide if you are worthy of love, the giving and receiving. Are you? Have you made up your mind yet?
Everyone is.
We can all can love unconditionally, we all have the capacity to love who we are without having to be perfect, fixed or sorted first.
But how many of us do? It all seems that love comes with conditions: when I am like this I will be lovable When people see me as a success, they will love me. When I have learned to do this and that, I will be lovable. When I’m happy, I will be lovable.
It’s the other way around. Real love. That you give to yourself and that you extend others has no conditions. Real love requires that you do not set out to change anything or anyone, you express your love regardless.
How are you doing with all this?
Sounding a bit woowoo?
Please see past any words that are giving you a picture that all this self-love is a bit far-fetched.
See, self-love is about doing your best, not being perfect (to anyone or anything), being okay with making mistakes.
Self-love and self-worth have nothing to do with your achievements and successes. Well, apart from this … you will honour, respect, love yourself regardless of the final outcomes.
Have you ever listened to an Airline Safety Message? Do they not say to put the oxygen mask on yourself before you help another? It makes perfect sense. How can you ever help someone else if you can’t breathe yourself? How can you show love, without putting the love on and over yourself first?
Self-love doesn’t need anyone’s approval
You are free to give yourself the love you deserve. You may still believe that you cannot possible come first. A close member of my family eventually had severe mental health illness because they had lost who they were and put all others needs before their own.
Here’s the thing. the illness came 15 years after the event. 15 years!
They had cared for two sick relatives: one an uncle in old age, and the other their mother who had a stroke they never fully recovered from. I witnessed them answering around 100 (yes 100) calls from their mother every day: demanding calls, vicious calls from someone who was still their mother but not in mind. They would make visits 5 times a day, cook, clean, care for, bathe, feed and look after their mum and uncle and care for their own two young children.
Why am I telling you this? Their confidence shattered when they eventually stopped.
How did this happen?
They put their own needs aside. Nobody told them to take care of themselves. They put everyone else before their own needs.
You do not need to seek approval from anyone in your life about your life. You don’t need someone to ever to say to you ‘love yourself’, you don’t need conditions to be perfect.
Practicing Self-Love
1. Be kind
2. Speak well of yourself.
3. Express your needs, wants and wishes.
4. Take care of your physical and emotional needs.
5. Acceptance: you are worthy of love and to give in return.
6. Know what you need and answer yourself.
7. Stay centered.
8. Practice saying no (and yes!) when you want to.
9. Take care of your basic needs.
10. Set boundaries.
11. Refuse toxic relationships.
13. Forgive yourself.
14. Take full ownership and accountability for you.
15. Accept you are human.
16. Let go.
17. Live well and fully.
18. Design your own life.
19. Live your truth.
20. Remain true to who you are.
21. Live your values.
22. Be present.
23. Know the difference of self-love and full of yourself!
24. Extend your practice to others.
25. Accept and give genuine compliments.
26. Treat others as you would want to be treated.
27. Self love is the foundation to wellness.
28. Love who you are now. Accept who you were. Smile about the future.
29. Celebrate all of you.
30. Practice happiness, peace, love, warmth [insert word].
Download
Download the worksheet for today in PDF ( and click here for Word)
Have you landed here by accident? This is day 7 of a Confidence Course. If you would like to find out more and take part please click here.
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