Group hug anyone?!! Joke!
There are a few myths when it comes to living life on your terms, fancy debunking a few, and ending the hee-haw?
Why?
Because you clicked the link. And I feel I have to answer.
Are we in agreement that you clicked through because you don’t think anyone can help you?
Yes? That would be accurate, uh-huh?
Great.
I’ve met you before. Well, not you, others like you, with the same thought. I’m not going to insult your intelligence and say ‘you’re wrong’ because you aren’t, right now, you’re right. You think no one can help you.
I think I can probably guess why you think that, so let’s get to it…
Now, remember, these are general statements by people who think they can’t be helped…
Myth One: “I don’t need anyone to help me develop, grow or change my life, all this development stuff is so new-agey, fluffy, nonsense and not for me”
Answer: “First, you may not need anyone. That’s true. Why are you here then?
No doubt, the worlds inhabitants have, especially in the past 100 years or so gone a little ‘gaga’ for self improvement.
Mention the words ‘self help or improvement‘ to some, and you may get the raised eyebrow and the killer look that says: ‘I don’t like all that touchy-feely, inner being, stuff”. These people may think those who are, sit gathering at the foot of trees, giving them a hug: chanting and hanging out with their inner child.
Mention ‘motivational/success skills and life changing events‘ to some and they probably get a picture of conference hall, crammed packed with a large group of people jumping up and down, punching the air, and shouting, ‘Success is mine, wahoo‘, to the guru conductor.
And then there’s another group…
This is the group that like the ideas of maximise your full potential, or do what you love, follow your dreams, be who you are, live your best life, unlimited confidence. meaningful career…and they know that to make any of those changes, it has to start with them and on the inside first.
Discontented, unhappy, confused, bewildered, uncertain people are buying information to make them: thinner, healthier, wealthier, more sexy, loveable, happier, authentic, confident, efficacious, more successful…and so on.
Seemingly, as a human race, we are more unhappier now than we have ever been in the past! Isn’t that scary?
Who’s too blame? Is it the media, are they feeding everyone messages that you’re nothing unless you have x,y and z.
Is the truth many of us are brought up to ‘cope’, ‘survive first’, ‘take what we are given’, and ‘get by’?
That’s been the ‘way things are’ for so long. Neither wonder many baulk when someone speaks of development, potential, flourish, confidence, happiness…it’s ingrained that these are not for us!
“The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.” Albert Ellis, American Psychologist
However, don’t we all need people in our life who are ‘good for us’ and if we ask for it, can offer us ideas, suggestions, advice, guidance and opinions but. you see, many go to the wrong people.
If you wanted your car fixed you wouldn’t use the butcher down the road! You would seek out someone who has the skills, knowledge, understanding and know-how of fixing cars.
And for it being ‘new-agey’, that really depends on your beliefs and experiences.
May I suggest to you to define your definition of ‘new-agey’, question your beliefs and then dive in to find out if it’s all like that.
If I were to ask you to describe it, I wonder what you would say? And I’m curious, would you say new age and personal development were one and the same?
And lastly, many of us actually do have all the resources we need, (or the capacity to find them) however we may just have forgotten how to use them as we’ve been caught up in the gunk and junk of life for too long.”
Myth Two: “All this coaching, training, etc doesn’t last, I feel okay for a while and then it’s back to square one”
Answer “Yes, I agree, that is the reality for many people.
There are many that think by reading another book on ‘How to Improve Your (fill in the black’) , attending another ‘life changing’ seminar or workshop that their circumstances will improve instantly and can’t understand the reason why when it doesn’t.
I can’t speak for the entire planet here, but many people buy books and attended workshops thinking the content will change them, that there will be no work to do, sweat or tears.
Have we become a generation of instant, easy and quick?
For a long time, it had seemed to me that life was about to begin–real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. Alfred D. Souza, Writer and Philosopher
I believe, all longlasting change includes a period of undoing of what you have learnt, and that takes time.
Did you read that? It takes time.
Change takes time.
Change and personal development is theory easy, in fact it’s beyond simple. Just like losing weight is technically easy. It’s just eat less, exercise more.
What’s wrong with us then? Nothing, personal development is really not something the majority of us are taught.
That means 100% commitment, resilience, accountability, ownership, control, discipline, planning, massive action, attention, breaking through fears, and changing beliefs lead to change and transformation.
Positive psychology is realistic. It does not claim that human nature is all sweetness and light, but it does offer a more balanced view. Most people are doing reasonable well in life and the capacity to thrive and flourish. Corey L M. Keyes and Jonathon Haidt
If you have tried before, it hasn’t worked, you’re at square one, here’s an idea…begin again.
Only promise yourself that this time you’ll choose a path where you will be able to measure your results, that you won’t buy into the ‘empty promises’, that you will apply what you learn.
Myth Three: Only ‘This’ Way Works!
“The whole field of personal and professional development is huge.
There are plenty ‘ways’ to choose from to transform and change your life.
Here’s the thing, experiment, play around for a while, choose what works for you.
Coaches will agree that coaching is the best, mentors will say that mentoring is the best, Neuro Linguistic Programmers will say their way works the best, Therapists will say their way works best…and so on.
Whatever.
There’s thousands of methods, theories, tools, and although they may differ in practice they all would (should) agree on the outcomes:
To assist you, so that:
- You are the person you know can be
- You identify with your self and who you are
- You increase your self awareness, defining your values, ethics and live your life which is of your chosing
- You bring to life your dreams, aspirations and lifestyle (yes I used the word dreams)
- You realise and release your full potential (potential is bring to life the hidden)
- You are learning how to become a better you
- You improve the overall quality of your life (health, wealth, family, friends, lifestyle, career, business, finances)
- You expand your greater life purpose
Dig deep, there is a lot of ‘fluff’ around the area of self improvement. What do I mean by fluff? People that are making a killing out of others pain, and are selling information that is quite frankly second rate and they don’t care about you.
A Little Suggestion
If you’ve decided that you need support, help, resources, guidance, tools, tips and techniques, at this time in your life.
First, well done, that took courage.
Next, get specific about what you need the most. Sometimes people can pay huge amounts for a course or piece of training, when in fact they could have been given the information they sought in a one hour coaching call.
Search around – if you are going to invest in you, find the person or mentor that is going to get you quickly, who understands your needs and where you are coming from.
In my experience, some people forget the biggest key when it comes to making change, which is this: nobody can do it for you.
Know that in order to create a different life for yourself, you may have to get uncomfy and be committed to taking huge massive action (another reason for seeking out the right person for you, they will be your biggest cheerleader!)
Photo Credits: Group Hug Peter Harrison from DevCentre
