How to Find Yourself Again: Please Wake Up

To wake up and live consciously.

I’ll admit, I’m a little nervous hitting publish on this post. Partly because I’m about to tell you that you could be asleep, it’s not an insult. So am I.

The question I’ll ask you to ask yourself at the end of this post, is the question I ask myself…daily! And I don’t want to be the next mini dictatorship in your life, or false messenger, telling you what to think or what to believe.

These are my thoughts. My understanding, because it’s all I have, so have a read and think for yourself.

If you haven’t read the introduction to this post you can do that here.

Wake Up

If you find the courage to wake up, and question everything, to become fully aware of the real world around you, and the one within you, you not only will ‘find’ who you are, you’ll never fall back asleep.

That’s a massive claim for me to make.

In my experience it’s easy to get sucked back in and have a snooze.

But once you begin to ask, there is no turning back.

Are we asleep?

Filters up.

Head down.


Following the herd.

  • Some people accept jobs and enter careers, asleep.
  • Some people get married, asleep.
  • Some people have children, buy homes, move countries, asleep.
  • Some people cook, clean, drive cars, asleep.
  • Some people start businesses, asleep
  • Some people watch TV, asleep.

You might think that you cannot do any of these things asleep.

Have you ever said ‘what was I thinking?‘ to an event, experience, where you have no idea why you did what you did, said what you said, or behaved how you behaved?

I have.

= 100% asleep! On automatic, plodding along, running the software to others programs not my own.

… I wasted too much of my life not being me! I was afraid, I guess. You know how it is. You keep your head down and you hustle and hustle. Then you look up one day and wonder, “How did I get here?”

Most of us don’t know ‘how we got here’ because we’re in, what I’ll call, a Walking Coma due to the result of a lifetime of conditioning from the ‘fake’ messages assaulting and bombarding our senses, creating our perceptions and giving us perceived realities.

Then, for some, there comes that moment when you’re aware you’ve been sleeping, you wake up, even if it’s just for second to ask ‘who the f*ck am I?‘ or declare ‘I have no idea who the hell I am anymore!’

Scary time? You bet.

To realise that everything you thought about you is a lie, of course it’s scary.

To have no answer though, is beyond terrifying.

To go back to sleep, no!

It really is no surprise to me the majority of people are miserable, stuck, and unable to move in any direction.

We continually are waiting for the ‘instructions’ dealt out by others because we don’t trust our own.

For the majority of us we live in a permanent state of ‘fear’, worrying and concerning ourselves to distraction about what others think, if we’re being ‘normal’ enough, are we acceptable to the masses, are we acting in accordance to the rules set down by the herd?

From the Internet to television, newspapers to magazines, social pressures to group thinking, advertising to governments, coaches to goo-roos, systems to rules and regulations, soap operas to society, religions to peers and family all of them fight for your attention so that they can give you their script on how to run your life.

All consciously and planting subliminal messages saying:

This is who you are and this is how you should think

  • This is how you should look and this is what to wear.
  • This is success, this is failure.
  • Here are the strange and crazy people, here are the ‘normal’ ones.
  • This is what you should be fearful of, this is what’s safe for you.
  • This is normal society and behaviour, here are the misfits and losers
  • Here are the nasty people, here are the good ones
  • Here are the pillars of society, these are the freaks
  • Here are the beautiful people, here are the ugly ones
  • Here are the terrorists, here at the good guys
  • Here are the unsafe people, here are the safe ones
  • This is acceptable, this is non-acceptable

Is it any wonder you ‘feel’ lost?

Some churn out, we have 80,000 thoughts a day. I ask, how many of those are our own? Not the thoughts pieced together by the false messages above.

You want to ‘find yourself‘ right?

You want to know who you really are?

Then I believe the first step is to deconstruct and question everything you’ve been taught and led to believe about your life.

Unlearn. Then relearn.

And I believe, it could take you and I a lifetime.

You don’t need to put on a white gown, sit at the top of a mountain, not eat for 40 days and 40 nights, practice meditation, do yoga or eat only berries and you certainly don’t need to ‘go off and find yourself’ – nobody needs to physically go anywhere. The ‘real you’ isn’t out there, it’s not an external quest, it’s an inside job. 

It’s not thousands of miles away.  Wherever you are. That’s where you’ll find it.

It takes no special technique, you don’t need anything else, you have all you need.

When you wake up and finally realise that the vast majority of messages are fake, a con, an organised plan to keep you asleep, you can’t go back to the old you. (Again, my opinion, my experience.)

How can we wake up, if we have no idea we are asleep?

Ask yourself  at every conscious opportunity:

Are these my own thoughts, or someone else’s for me?

Remember just that one, ask it daily, but here are some more:

Are these my own goals, or someone else’s for me?
Are these my own beliefs, or someone else’s for me?
Are these my own opinions, or someone else’s for me?
Is this my idea of success, or someone else’s for me?
Is this my concept of meaning, or someone else’s for me?
Are these my regrets, or someone else’s for me?
Are these my fears, or someone else’s for me?
Are these my dreams, or someone else’s for me?
Is this my own life blueprint, or someone else’s for me?
Is this the standard of my life, or someone else’s for me?
Are these my own rules, or someone else’s for me?
Is this my own path, or someone else’s for me?
Are these my passions, or someone else’s for me?
Is this my full potential, or someone else’s for me?
Is this my strategy, or someone else’s for me?
Is this my happiness, or someone else’s for me?
Is this my joy, or someone else’s for me?
Is this my story, or someone else’s for me?
Is this my knowledge, or someone else’s for me?
Is this my truth, or someone else’s for me?

History is full of examples of how easy it is to control, manipulate an individual (entire societies) on what to believe and what to think.

Wake up.

Question everything placed in front of you.

Try this: why not assume you’ve been asleep?

With the question ‘are these my own thoughts, or someone else’s for me?’  in your mind, answer these:

  • Who am I?
  • What am I?
  • Where am I?
  • What are my strenghts?
  • What are my achievements?
  • What path am I on right now?
  • Where do I want to be heading  next?
  • What do I want my life to look like?
  • What are my goals, my values?
  • What would make me happy?
  • What does flourishing mean to me?
  • What will give meaning to my life?

Your Turn

What are you thinking? Is it your thoughts, or someone else’s for you? :-) 


  1. says

    wow, this is an entire book of information and inspiration! It harkens back, for me, to Anthony DeMello’s video program “Wake Up – Spirituality for Today” which I’ve watched so many times I nearly have it memorized! Have you seen it? Most of it is now on Youtube.
    I agree we are asleep most of the time, operating out of our original conditioning which has only been affirmed and validated by our life experiences. I’ve noticed that hanging out in the blogosphere, at sites like this in particular, helps to keep me more aware of my thoughts.
    These are some great questions and exercises to check on the wake/asleep status Whenever I start a new journal I do something like this: “Where am I?” and recap my life, briefly, to that point! It’s a work in progress, isn’t it?

    • says

       @Lori Hey Lori! Anthony DeMello, as soon as you said ‘they are ALL on youtube now’ I abandoned this reply and stumbed my fingers on the keyboard to open youtube!
      Look —> found all in order, all in one place.
      THANK YOU — I haven’t watched, read or listened to him in a long time. I’m just writing about ‘signposts’: people who have a message but will not say ‘this is the right way, or the wrong way’.
      For me that was DeMello, would you agree? I think that’s why he resonated with me. He never asked you to believe anything he was saying.
      Agreed — I read a blog post by someone and it makes me pause, question. Your post yesterday prime example.
      I say ‘yeah’ to being a work in progess. Who wants to be finished? Thanks for commenting — see you in 2013, away to hang out with Tony for a bit. I may be a while. :-)

      • says

         @Dawn Barclay Yes, I love how he suggests you don’t take his words without weighing and measuring them! Nice to meet another DeMello fan!!! Thanks for the link. I’m not sure it’s exactly the same program I have (on Videotape!) but it seems to have more. I’ll know when I have time to revisit it!
        “Who wants to be finished!?” LOL

  2. says

    I agree with this post of yours, many of us are just satisfied to live one day at a time, and most of our decisions are made to satisfy other people, not us.  The questions you have posed here sure are thought-provoking, and it helped me re-think my thoughts and actions in everyday life. Thanks for sharing!

  3. Michael Linegar says

    Wow. To pause even for a minute a truly ask are all these thoughts truly mine or someone elses for me… is quite a thing to do. Well because after looking at a good sample of them I fear that none of them are truly mine and what the hell that may mean if I start making decisions based on ignoring all that. I guess even deeper what it may leave me as, in terms of identity. There appears to be a sweet positive innocent presence inside that has been long forgotten.

  4. suzanne says

    Wow how amazing Is this I have sat on my couch reading all this information and feel very determind to change my life and look at myself. Within not outside xx

  5. Kay says

    I came across ur website today & I couldnt be happier.. I ‘ve been putting a lot of pressure on myself concerning self-image & related issues.. Been having trouble with this issue as long as I can remember.. Still am; to a great extent.. Reading ur article has confirmed the view I have recently developed upon questioning countless realities we were bound to simply embrace & blindly re-apply.. I hope one day I ‘ll be able to answer the questions u have popped out there & feel better about myself.. Most importantly , liberate my soul from all those burdens that have been keeping me down throughout the past years of my life.. Thank you for the website.. I cannot express my gratitude enough..

  6. Tim says

    Happened upon this website by chance. it’s like ur questions shine the spotlight on the roots of my problems. i have been asking questions about what the causes of my problems r for a long time now, but ur questions make it clear to me. Thank you!

  7. Leslie says

    “THEIR SCRIPT on how to run YOUR LIFE.”!!!!!!! This made me angry in a good way, AND made me laugh out loud. I have read some of “A Brave New World” categorizing autistic people like me as missfits. Now, I think I’ll read all of it to get a clear picture of what world view I’m fighting, not only on my behalf but of others also.

  8. ruth victoria parker says

    Wow, I got here after my day 1 email on the confidence course. This is not a new concept to me but I guess I have been asleep and didn’t have (and still don’t…..yet)the confidence to wake up. It takes balls to question everything, to realise that you have become one big lie. I have always had an unhappy feeling of not being in, home, family decisions. I wonder how this will change once I learn to feel self confident.
    Thanks Dawn, I am already looking forward to lesson 2.

  9. paulianna says

    Aww Dawn lass, I’m feeling lost, out here in the wilderness and stumbled upon your site. I have felt so alone and struggled but am glad to have found this material. Fear has permeated every part of my body for a fortnight in a new job. Feelings of inadequacy take the place of a once well established confidence and my whole sense of self seems to be lost. I shall ask myself these questions moving forward.

  10. Stephanie says

    This is very very helpful! I’m so glad to be on the right path towards self confidence thanks to completion of the first course and reading this post! Wonderful. I love this. Looking forward to smiling more as I continue my journey through this course!

    Dawn, you are amazing for making these available for everyone. <3

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