They left for work this morning in a mood.
A day of meetings ahead and at 7.35am, they had already decided how their day was going to go.
In short: blech.
Of course being the ever so helpful, extremely annoying, positive peep that I am, I offered some loving support and said, ‘Change your state ‘darling’, otherwise your entire day is going to be ruined’.
With a look that could kill, and the biggest ‘tut’ ever, they left. Note to self: shut up.
I believe we can choose how we want to feel at any moment.
That you and I can change the way we feel – whenever we want to.
The only flip side to this is: there isn’t one.
But it’s our state of mind, and that means we have complete power and control over what goes in and what comes out.
In training, there is a saying there are no unresourceful learners, only unresourceful states. If you’re trainer, you’ll know it’s your duty to deliver an experience that continually leads your trainees into resourceful states (usually high challenge but no threat.)
Same in life.
No event is good or bad, it’s just an event: how we choose to feel about it, that’s up to us.
It’s in that choice which determines if an event is good or bad. A bit like the statement ‘no news is good or bad, it’s how we feel about it that will determine what it is.‘
One Way To Change Your State: Ask Better Questions
Here’s a suggestion.
Oh, wait, only do this exercise when you are in a resourceful state otherwise it’ll bomb.
1. Stop asking habitual negative questions when the shitz is hitting the fan
For example, if things are going haywire and your current habit questions include:
- Why does this always happen to me?
- What’s wrong with me?
- Why can’t I ever get it right?
- Other people are managing this, I’m not, where am I going wrong all the time?
- Why am I not like so and so, they manage?
- And so on.
To the questions you habitually ask yourself, your brain will seek out the answers.
Example: why does this always happen to me?
Your brain will do exactly what you asked of it and return to you a whole string of examples, experiences, thoughts, feelings (from past events) that will confirm to you that the question you asked is correct.
What happens? An already unresourceful state is compounded by more unresourceful memories and feelings from the past, ultimately making growing your current negative state of mind.
2. Start asking ultimate resourceful questions
When in a resourceful state, consider other questions you could ask yourself when ‘events’ unwelcomed and not planned are happening, so that the next time you ‘feel’ your state changing to unresourceful you’re prepared.
You could ask:
- What is funny about this experience right now?
- What is this experience teaching me?
- How can I learn from this?
- What will I remember about this event in 5 years time?
- What can I feel instead?
- What’s the most positive part of this experience?
- What will I share about this experience next week?
- How would I like to feel right now? Do I have the ability to make it happen?
- Know your ultimate question, and use it.
Practice Practice Practice
Yes. this may take a little practice, most of us aren’t taught about ‘states of mind’ nevermind asking resourceful questions.
But you’ve done this before, numerous times, all your doing is taking control of your own state.
Okay, have you ever felt unresourceful and in a negative state then your friends made you laugh?
Have you ever felt ‘under the weather’ and went for a coffee and felt great at the end having hung out with a close friend, or spoke to someone on the phone who uplifted you and changed your frame of mind?
See, there is the flipside. Some people have such powerful states (negative and resourceful) they can sway others with it. Have you ever worked with someone who managed to change the atmosphere of a room because of their state?
Know and own your own state.
How you feel is ultimately up to you, the ‘problem’ or ‘event’ never dictates how you should feel, ever.
What about you?
When you notice your state is unresourceful, what’s your plan?
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