But I’m getting better.
Proud? Yep. Probably.
Perfectionist. I’ve admitted to you before I’m in recovery from that.
Control freak? I do hope not. Although there is a little ‘eek’ and angst about feeling needy.
See, in my head I’ve labelled myself a strong and independent woman.
I have no idea where this ‘fear of asking help’ came from, as a child I remember my mum and dad saying to my sis and I, ‘ask us if you need help’, so that’s one that I/we can’t blame on them or ask for a refund for therapy.
What about you? Do you find it easy asking for help?
Yes? Then leave some tips for the rest of us in the comments.
No? Let’s do this together…
An example of how naff I am — I start things there is no way on earth I can complete because I haven’t got the skills, knowledge or ability (yet). But I do have a lovely vision of how I would like it to be.
Stuff that has got me in a right pickle in the past has been attempting to hang new doors, creating (and demolishing) walls, a bit plumbing (read: bathroom install), building walls, repairing sash and case windows, tiling, and plastering. Oh, I think there is a DIY theme going on here.
A friend sat me down once, as their partner (who is a trained, skilled and experienced joiner) was throwing up a new wall to replace the one that I had taken a sledge hammer to the night before. She said, ‘Dawn, your skills are with people, stick with them. Have a coffee.’
Apparently ‘all the affirmations in the world won’t make me a carpenter or plumber overnight.’ *sigh*
I just like to get it done. And if renovating The House of Never Ending Renovations is what I want to achieve to completion and success, I need to learn the skills, apply the learning and get the experience.
But I really don’t want to learn that stuff. Not really, really learn.
So I need help.
Business, oh I’m getting so much better at asking for help. Although I may sit on something a little too long before the ask, I know the time has decreased a lot in the past couple of years. I still get a little sweaty and uncomfortable but that’s okay, a little perspiring instead of never asking at all is progress.
Here’s the thing, I give out big time to people who won’t accept help.
Look, I know how screwed up this sounds but I’m much better at helping others than asking for myself. What about you, are you better at the offer than the acceptance?
If you’re like me when you offer your help to someone I bet:
a) You sincerely mean it.
b) Expect the other person to use your offer.
c) Will enjoy the process of helping someone else complete a task or goal.
And for some reason all that gets screwed up when it’s us being offered the helping hand.
On Saturday I was faced with someone who was ‘doing a mini-me’ at me.
Long story short: they have a big event coming up, plans changed. I want them to use me, and I offered my help in anyway they needed. What happened? A battle took place. It took a good 20 minutes for them to hear my offer another 10 to accept.
I mean, I was begging with them, almost at the stage of giving them a slap. (Note to self: that was really hard work, so I must stop being a fanny and accept help.)
So, I’m not going to give you the Planet Dawn, top 10 list of how to ask for help because quite frankly that would be hypocritical of me and I’ve already said I’m not a happy bunny doing it.
But, I can give you a story.
Driving back home on Saturday I couldn’t get it out my head, and my intent is to remember it more often.
A farmer in a small town watched on as the heavens opened and rains fell.
The river was overflowing and the farmer witnessed it come up over the fields, right up to his front door. The army (drafted in to deal with the emergency) and members of a local rescue team came past in a boat and say to them “Come aboard, we’ll take you to safety at the local community centre.”
The farmer refuses and sends them on their way, “No thanks, I put my trust in God.” The rescue team moves away. All the day the rains pour and the farmer has to move upstairs in his home as the water floods the lower rooms. Another boat comes through, bigger than the first, and filled with his neighbours, again they shout,“Jump in. We’ll save you.”
The farmer refuses again, “No, save the others, I put my trust in God.”
The boat goes away. The water keeps coming and the farmer is forced to the roof of his house. The air rescue team appears in a helicopter and from a loud speaker the farmer hears the pilot say, ‘Climb on the ladder lowered, we’ll save you.’
The farmer waves the helicopter away, “No thanks, I put my trust in God.”
The helicopter flies away. The rain keeps coming, the farmer has nowhere else to go, sadly he drowns.
The farmer arrives at heaven, slightly peeved and a little upset that he drowned. Bumping into God in the Entry to Heaven Hallway God says, “What are you doing here?”
The farmer says, “I put my trust in you, and you let me down.”
God says, “What do you mean, let you down? I sent you two boats and a helicopter!”
Are you good at sending in boats and helicopters?
How good are you at jumping aboard others?
Look, there will be times in your life (and mine) when we cannot go it all alone.
We’ll need help. Connection is key to personal growth. I believe that 100%. The answer to the ask will be yes or no.
It may not be pleasant (unless you’re one of those peeps who constantly dump on others, but I don’t think you are) but it doesn’t mean that you and I should never do it.
I will if you will.
As Jim Rohn said, ‘Asking is the beginning of the receiving.’
Do you find asking for help easy? Are you good at it, any tips for the rest of us?
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